A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:In my experience once a guy flakes,we are pretty much dead in the water.It doesn't get better from that point, especially if it's in early stages of getting to know them.I always give them the benefit of the doubt and try to convince myself that it was a legitimate mistake .They even apologize and ask for another chance only to flake again.Additionally,I reconnected with an ex who was always reliable when we were dating. This time he was flakely and kept making commitments he wouldn't keep.He also blew off our plans.I was trying to make it work but now it seems hopeless.Soy question is can things work out once a guy starts blowing off dates ?Are they any instances when things were able to turn around after that point or it is a lost cause?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2016): Flakiness is a sign of immaturity and indecisiveness. I won't give a guy the time of day, if he flakes on me. If he blows off dates; that is a sign of disrespect, and an indication you are low on his list of priorities. That is, if you make the list at all.
Let me shed a little light on male behavior. I'm gay and a man; so I can give you some good perspective on the topic of men.
You are being fair by giving us benefit of the doubt.
Being human, we all make mistakes. However; if those mistakes are huge and cause a lot of damage; you must get out of the way of a train-wreck. Abuse, illegal drug-use, alcohol-abuse, and bad-tempers are deal-breakers. Period!
No second-chances are warranted, unless you do all of the above yourself. Then you can't point fingers, because three point back.
Guys may date you because you're eye-candy. You may be good in bed. Maybe you make him look good in spite of his weak character and a lot of other flaws. The thing is, smart women make sensible demands and set reasonable standards based on their own strengths and weaknesses. They expect consistency, respect, affection, and reciprocity of all they've given. They themselves give the best they've got, and shouldn't settle for less.
For the record, I'm not talking about needy clingy females who blame men for their weaknesses, bad-taste, and out-of-control insecurities. They make the most noise, swim in their own tears, and bash guys when they're no prize themselves. I'm talking about the straight-up good females who are jewels, but sometimes get caught-up with the bad-boys. You gotta have one to know what to look-out for. They're basic-training, and a taste of hell. They'll teach you a few things. If they don't crush you to bits! If you survive one, you're tougher. If you're smart, he'll be the last and only bad-boy in your life. If you're a bad-girl, you're made for each-other. Go down in flames together!
Some guys are great for dates. Some are good in the sack, and some are romantics. You should choose the guys you date according to your needs and his ability to meet those needs.
All guys are not boyfriend or husband-material. The length of their stay depends on the depth of their flakiness. Some must be ejected on the first date.
Depending on how badly they flake-out, will determine how hard you boot them to the curb. Some may be fun to hang-out with; but are not to be offered sex, or so much as a kiss on a cheek. If he knows how to party and keep you active, he's fine for the friend-zone; and that should be well-established. If he's really good-looking and you fear you'll weaken to his manipulation; kick his ass to the curb, and don't have anything else to do with him. Cuteness is no excuse for stupidity. The more conceited they are, the worse boyfriends they make. Nothing can swell-up as big as the male-ego, girlfriend. A nice penis can be a magic wand or a club over the head. So don't let that be a reason to dismiss flakiness either.
The vast majority of guys are not lost-causes; because most do mature and learn by their mistakes. It's your place to establish what you will or will not accept. There must be deal-breakers. Don't buy a motorcycle if you can't ride a bicycle. Stay within the personality-type you know you can
handle to begin with. Sometimes being horny or being pressured by his sexiness may breakdown your defenses. But for the sake of your sanity, you can't let a series of flakes wear you down until you become a flake too!
Flakiness is contagious! You must develop some immunity!
Some guys are consistently stupid. Sometimes it's a part of his charm, but you shouldn't fall for it. You'll suffer for it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): In my experience guys are flaky when they aren't that interested in you. In the same way I know I have flaked on people and activities I'm not really that bothered about.I don't buy the 'busy or unorganised' crap more than once. If you are really into someone you make the effort. Go with your gut instinct, flaky =not that intetested. Not something you want in someone you are dating!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 I do think flakiness is a sign of NOT being so interested as they may have first lead you to believe.
Some people ARE disorganized, my husband's family as an example. They will suggest some big lofty things "we" should all go do and then they either show up later or are no-shows. To me, flakiness equals lack of common decency. someone with THAT trait would be a person I'd rather not date.
Like Cindy said, when it comes to your ex he doesn't really want to put an effort in. When he was dating you in the past he did. So I'd let him go and STOP making plans with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen I say flaky,I don't mean canceling on the last minute when something comes up etc..It is when these men don't call or text to let me know they can't make it..and just ignore further inquaries.They just fall off the face of earth on the day we are supposed to meet..and don't answer their phones nor do they return texts
For instance, with the guy I reconnected with,we had Skype date set since he lives few hours away.He completely flaked and didn't answer any of my texts until the next day.He just said sorry he got busy.I let it slide since it only happened once. However,things went down hill from that point as he became more flaky and bailed on our plans to visit me
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (20 September 2016):
 Things DO come up sometimes, even if we do like a person. But if they come up consistently, that is an issue. Set a boundary for yourself, and even communicate that "policy" to them that if they cancel more than once in a row, you're done, or something you feel comfortable with, because it sounds like you're a little frustrated with these men AND yourself for giving guys too many chances.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 September 2016):
 If you are referring to your ex that used to be reliable when you were dating, then I am afraid that it is a lost cause.
Some people are indeed disorganized, forgetful, stressed out, chronically overcommitted or overworked, or just
" drama "-prone. They may really have a much harder than normal time being reliable, they CAN'T be unflaky.
But your ex was not flaky. He showed that he COULD be reliable and consistent.
So if he can but does not do it ( being reliable and keeping dates )... it must be because he does not want to, or does not care enough to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2016): If a guy is interested, he will show it. Pretty much he will calling and texting and show up right on time, nervous, and ready to woo you.
I agree if flakiness happens early, better to cut your losses, and meet new people.
No pain, no gain.
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