A
male
age
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*onfused and uncertain
writes:I am on my third marriage/my wife also her third. My wife is going on vacation with her grown kids, grandchildren and with her ex husband from her first marriage. The ex is bringing his girlfriend also. I just find it strange that she would want to go on vacation with her ex. My wife knows it bothers me a lot and is still going with them. I would like to know if it is normal for ex wives/husbands going on vacationtogether normal?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2013): It sounds like she is going on vacation to be with her children and grandchildren. Why can't you go along with her?
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (26 May 2013):
 Seems to me that she is not going on vacation with her ex, per se. She is going on a vacation with her kids and grandkids and that means their father will be there as well.
Marrying her does not mean you take her away from her family. You married into this family. She has obligations to her children and grandchildren, and a family vacation may be one of them. This is certain better for the children and grandchildren to have them get along well enough, instead of a hate-fest.
Is there a reason that you are not also going on this family vacation?
-Frank
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (26 May 2013):
 Some people are just better off divorced that when they were married. Obviouslly ex husband and ex wife have moved on and now vacation together with their children and significant others. If they were going on vacation alone, that would be weird.
I think this is normal as long as they have a healthy friendship.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (25 May 2013):
 I've known couples who do this without issue. It's not the norm, but I really don't think you have anything to worry about with his parents, girlfriend and child all present. Presumably she is going to spend time with her kids.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2013): I don't think it's normal, but I'm sure she just wants to spend time with her kids and grandchildren. If you were not included, I'd say that was wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2013): "I just find it strange that she would want to go on vacation with her ex."
I don't find it strange at all that parents would want their children to go on vacation with their grandparents. Put aside your territorial instincts and try to look at the situation from your grown step-children's point of view.
Spouses divorce spouses, parents don't divorce children. In the adult children's eyes both parents remain members in good standing of their families, and it's natural that the adult children would want their kids to know their grandparents as part of a cohesive family unit that they once knew.
I do find it a bit tacky and inappropriate that ex-hubby is bringing his girlfriend, undermines the supposed purpose of the trip.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 May 2013):
 It's not "the norm" (normal)... but not unheard of....
YOU should find it interesting that your wifey doesn't take/make her OWN time to have vacations with her kids... WITHOUT "daddy" (Hubby No. 1)....
IF you told her how you felt about this arrangement..... AND if she told you that your feelings didn't matter...
THEN you and she have a much-deeper and more interesting question to address.....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 May 2013):
 Normal as in usual, no- but it's not unheard of. When children are grown up, and the exes have long stopped playing the war of Roses, and basically nobody gives a damn anymore and the situation has no emotional charge, being around the exes on holidays and vacations becomes sort of like being with any other old acquaintances.
Example : my friend M. is divorced , with one daughter. She re- married a guy who is divorced with 4 grown up children. The situation was complicated by the fact that ,of all these kids, one lives in Italy, one or two in the USA, another in England , etc. Logistically it was a nightmare tryng to coordinate Christmas holidays, so they all agreed to spend them all together at the house of M.'s husband's first wife ( who luckily has a huge place ). BUT, then M's ex -husband ( from USA ) sulked and objected that he has the right too, to be with his daughter at Xmas, at least part of the time. Reason for which, - he was invited to join the party, with HIS new wife.
Talk about an extended family !
So, I'll have to respectfully disagree with Ciar's mom. It all depends from individual people. Love does NOT last forever , often ( as you,OP, know well, being at your 3rd marriage ) and if the split was , or became, amicable, there are no hard feelings - or no much feelings left of whatever kind - and everybody is civil , it's just..whatever works. I don't think that you've got anything to worry, obviously your wife wanted to have a vacation with her children , and grandchildren, and her ex husband wanted to do the same, so why not combining things .
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 May 2013):
 Ok, I was just speaking to my mum (age 70) and ran your scenario past her. She agrees with you and thinks your wife's choice to accompany her ex, and his girlfriend on vacation is tacky and inappropriate. So having heard her explanation I humbly eat crow and admit my original answer was the wrong one.
My earlier answer may have been tained by my belief that were I to divorce my husband I would never remarry and would so relish being single and free of any man than this kind of thing would not be an issue for me.
You obviously can't control what your wife does, but you can make it clear that you disapprove without mentioning it again. Maybe she'll consider what, if any, consequences will result while she's away. Don't say that to her, let her ponder it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (25 May 2013):
Not sure how normal it is, but it's not unheard of. I've known of a number older people who travel with an ex and their grown children.
The dynamics in this case differ from those of a much younger couple still of child producing age. Couples who are far less sure of themselves, more inclined to want to impress and more likely to act on impulse.
The presence of grown children and grandchildren make this a family event and not a adult vacation with the ex tagging along. I doubt very much your wife has any romantic interest in her ex and she certainly isn't going to be playing footsies under the table with him with their children, grandchildren and his girlfriend sitting right there.
I don't think you have anything to worry about.
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