A
female
age
51-59,
*aney
writes:I met my ex almost four years ago. We had known each other a few mnth and i fell pregnant. He is from africa and when i met him he had two yrs before visa ran out.we had a pretty good relationship.But the situation was hard i didnt think he was the dad but it turned out he was. After baby was born we spoke about moving in together. But never did take that step. When we met i had not long split from my husband and was still unsure of my feelings. And this guy lied to me big time he was actually staying with a lady while seeing me and i didnt find that out til much later.to cut a long story short our son almost three. The guy married last year i dont know if he done that to get a passport but there relationship is very rocky at times. And in whole time i have known him he has always wanted to have sex with me on a regular basis. I have seen him in tears when i refuse he has never said he loves me me. And situ is affecting his relationship with our son. Until jjust over a year ago he was good with our son. But barely asks or sees him now. Prefers to ask me to spend and is.more than happt to pay for b and b to see me. I dont get his reasoning or motive. Im at my wits end trying to sort situ for my sons sake.
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female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (26 May 2013):
Dear OP,
This man is still hanging around in your life although there's not much use for him. Yes, he's the father of your child but he's obviously not that interested in it.
You have to make a decision: Do you want him in your life or not? How much does he need to see his son or you? How can you set boundaries so he doesn't annoy you and keep on asking for sex? Imagine what an ideal situation would be like for you. How would you feel most at peace? And then, if you know how much space you want to give this man in your life, work towards it.
Now, if his texting and calling and asking annoys you, tell him very clearly! Never answer! If this is a case of stalking or molesting, then block his phone number. If nothing helps, you might want to think of legal steps.
Best to you and your son.
A
female
reader, laney +, writes (25 May 2013):
laney is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi.. I am adding a bit to my original question. I have to let everyone know that i refuse to sleep with my sons dad and have done since i found out he is married. But still he asks regularly and this is causing problems. I would also like to clarify that we had split and i went back to my husband for two mnth. My sons dad tx and called everyday. And when me and my hubby broke up my sons dad and me got back together. I was on pill but obv it didnt work and becausr of scan date i thought my hub was dad. And when baby was born he wasnt a white baby that is how i know for def who his dad is. Thanks for your responses any feedback is much appreciated. I know in my own heart what to do but to hear peoples advice helps much. Thanks
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (25 May 2013):
 I think you're right, but it looks like "warm hearth" syndrome to me as well. The domestic experience where he comes in, enjoys your comfort, plays daddy and feels the warmth of home and family, then leaves.
So yes, he wants sex, but he could get that anywhere. He wants the experience, but unlike REAL family men, he just wants to drop by and enjoy the good parts, including your body, and then leave without having to do the work that real dads and husbands do to contribute.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 May 2013):
 There's really only one sentence in your entire submittal that has anything to do with your plight. It is:
"And in whole time i have known him he has always wanted to have sex with me on a regular basis."
Starting with that, reconcile these FACTS OF LIFE:
1. He doesn't love you.
2. Your (his and your's) son is an inconvenient nuisance.
3. Your son will be just fine without this cad of a "Father" in his life..... Just, YOU, spend all your time/effort/energy being the best Mother you can be.....
There are no other details that mean anything....
Good luck...
P.S. You didn't just "fall pregnant"... it doesn't happen because you took a "zip line" escapade.... Don't do the same thing in the future, and you can avoid this mistake from happening again!!!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 May 2013):
 Is he paying for child support ?
No ?
If not... very bad. Consider that , the money he is so happy to spend on b and b so that he can have sex, is money that should go for your child 's upkeep . And /or, for this child's future and education if you are already paying all his living expenses - and if the dad is so economically comfortable that he can afford to burn money for his sexual escapades .
You should not help this guy depriving your child. He should be spending money on the child, not on hotel rooms for your trysts.
I do not quite understand what do you expect from this guy,- or what's the real question, as for that.
Do you want to know if he loves you ? Obviously not, since he never got around to live with you, since he was already with someone else when he met you, and since now he is married with another woman ( for whatever reason of his ). You were his casual FWB, and you still are , from his point of view if it ain't broke , don't fix it.
Do you want to know why he does not hear the voice of bood ? Go figure, he just does not. He did not plan to have a kid from you to begin with, it was an accident,- now the kid is here and it would take a really cold blooded bastard to HATE a little child , or to not feel an occasional, fleeting moment of tenderness . But more than that, it's all optional, not mandatory.
Then again, to be objective, it is also quite a bit asking him to act like a reliable family man and devoted daddy - when his actions always said that he is not interested in making a family with you and he justs keeps you around for sex.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 May 2013):
 His reasoning and motive are blatantly obvious. You don't need to sort anything out. You just need to accept it and act accordingly.
He is not interested in being a family man. If he were, you two would have married long ago. Don't fool yourself into thinking you were the only hold out. He was quite happy to enjoy sleeping with you without making any big commitments and was pleased you were willing to do the same.
Whether he pays child support or not stop sleeping with him. It's trashy.
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