A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My 30 yr old bf likes to watch porn featuring 50 yr old women. He said it has nothing to do with how attracted he is to me, but lately has not been able to perform sexually. Im really afraid he doesn't find me sexually attractive and is just with me because he wants to keep up appearances that he's "normal", but really would prefer dating a much older woman. I dont want to be with anyone that doesn't truely want to be with me...does anyone have any experience with this? Can a man that is only turned on by that kind of porn really want something completely different in real life? thanks...
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 Many men or people are turned on by different things at different stages of life. I remember when I was 20, I was attracted to young women. An older man I worked with wasn't. He was only in his mid 30's but he said the women I like were too young for him. AS I got older, I understood his point. There are young women working at the bar where I go for a beer. They are pretty, but I'd feel like a creep if I was to actually be with them physically. They are half my age, I have more in common with their parents.
AS to the porn. If he's concentrating on a certain type of porn, then he likes it. Period. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it's true. If he didn't like it, he'd watch something else. People go out of their way to view porn because it stimulates them. This particular type of porn might just be some type of fantasy he has.
AS for women in the industry being victims, according to another aunt, are the men not victims too? I'd have to imagine they both might have rocky backgrounds. At least not traditional. Nevertheless, people make choices and live in a fashion that suits them. 99% of people in porn are not "forced" to do it. Perhaps manipulated, but not forces. We're all manipulated though, whether it's being forced to work on a holiday because your place of employment was open for business or if it's working full time, no benefits, minimum wage flipping burgers so someone else gets rich.
People have a tendency to take advantage of others. It's up to us to protect ourselves. IF someone is being coerced into dong something that is rotten, that is a different thing. If someone make s a poor choice for easy money, that is their fault, even if the choice is based on an unpleasant life history. The male in the porn industry may very well have a story just as sad as the female. We're both capable of poor choices.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): I haven't ever really had a problem with porn because I've enjoyed it too, it's more the genre of it. I guess I see it as being "normal" for a male of his age to want to see young, beautiful naked women, not those twice his age. And I thought I might be upset because Im not that age and cant compete, but Im not a size 2 blonde with a fake chest so I really wouldn't compare to the "normal" porn girls either...Im just terrified that he's lying to himself and me about what he really wants and that I wont find that out til after we get married and have kids. He's a very image conscious person so it wouldn't be too far of a stretch for him to want to keep up appearances because he doesn't think his desires are socially acceptable. He swears up and down that I am want he wants... but still...
he lied about the porn the first time I found it saying that it was all pop ups and nothing he went searching for, but then I found the DVDs and he admitted that those were the type of women he got the most off from watching.
Oh, and I have tried playing with him-- alot...mannually, orally, anyway I can think of to spice it up but lately nothing is working. I take it very very personally and find it harder and harder to believe that it isn't because he's not attracted to me....I know that the penis has a mind of its own but you would think that it would still respond to stimulation! I've been going over and over this...at first I think since everything else is great in our relationship that its not a big deal, and if I love him I have to love all of him, even if it includes a little kinkiness that I find odd...but then I start having visions of him cheating on me with an older woman later on in the future and me kicking myself for knowing better...
I guess the real question comes down to whether its possible for him to only be interested in the stuff in the movies and not in real life, or whether I should be worried...Guess I still have a lot of thinking to do!
Thanks so much for everyone's replies :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2007): Dont participate in watching porn with him unless its something you really want...after all you will be contributing to an industry that encourages men to see women as a series of body parts and also supporting an industry whos employees are made up (the majority) of women who have mostly been sexually abused as kids and have BIG issues...they are certainly NOT in any state to give 'informed consent'....listen if you are happy to be disrespected...stay with this guy...It has little to do with the age of the women in the porn but more the fact that he is happy to degrade women in general and hurt the one he is supposed to love the most..You..You deserve better.my advice go get better...its out there
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A
female
reader, LenaTobery +, writes (23 May 2007):
 yes maybe he might watch stuff with older woman but really be in love wit u .......as far as sex go play with him a lil...watch the porn with him see what happens...
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (23 May 2007):
 It might be that the older women thing is just a fantasy that he indulges in his imagination, but wouldn't want to do in real life.
Are you having problems in your relationship which could explain the lack of sex? Is he tired, stressed? How's the communication between the two of you?
If everything else is going great, maybe you should talk to him in more depth about his fantasies.
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (23 May 2007):
 It's not out of the question that he may have fantasies about older women. Almost every couple I know openly admits to watching porn together. It's a way to learn new things to please your partner. He may also just like older women, and this is something that should be addressed before you get hurt.
DV1
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