A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend of 6 months, has a 8 week old baby. but everywhere i go, like on the social scene (myself, boyfriend and mother of his kid(they were with each other 3 years))we are all in the same circle of people. everywhere i go i think people are judging me.no matter what i do, the people we hang out with that seem genuine to me(ie. his best friend and his best friends girlfriend) then talk about me behind my back to her, saying how much they hate me and how me and him wont last and that shes way better than me.me and his ex seemed to get on ok. of course when himself and myself got tohether there was a bit of hassle from her, even though she ended it with him months before then apologised and even had me over a few weeks ago to see the baby and we seemed to get on grand.i like him a lot and hes told me he is in love with me, but is it worth it? the fact that i am "that girl" or "the other woman" is kind of getting to me. anyone in this situation to offer advice, or anyone in general?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (24 August 2007):
 Hi there,
It seems your boyfriend and his ex were over before you got involved and so what have you got to worry about or feel guilty about...
Maybe you should be thinking about changing your circle of friends for some that have nothing to do with your b/f's ex
and who are not judgmental or running you down behind your back.
It may be a bit close for comfort and may be stretching other friends loyalty if you remain in the same circle of friends. I can see why you are feeling the way you do regarding others comments about you, but those who are saying things behind your back are obviously two faced and not to be trusted anyway.
Don't let it get you down, if you love your b/f and you have a good relationship don't let others spoil it for you.
Tell those that talk behind your back that you don't care what they think and try not to socilise with them in future, difficult I'm sure if they are your b/f's best friends, but I'm sure if you explain to you b/f your reasons he will understand. These people may be his friends, but they're no friends of yours or they would not be saying these things!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Tray-Lou +, writes (24 August 2007):
I think you should tell your boyfriend the way you feel obviously having a child with someone means he will always be in her life and you have to accept that but you shouldn't be spending social time with her its just strange because they have a past and you want a future with this guy and he should understand that if he loves you. if you had hassle from her when you got together with him that indicates she still does have feelings for him as much as she apologised for it. you shouldn't be around her when you and your guy want to spend time together because if he has moved on its your relationship he should be focussed on. if you think he is worth you should stick with him but tell him that you and him have to seperate the time you spend with his ex but she is that at the end of the day his EX and it should stay that way personally you both need to remove yourselves from that circle of friends and be with each other if you want to build a relationship, still be amicable with her but don't spend as much time together with her as you do
i hope i helped
good luck
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