A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi im 21 and just after christmas I split up with my ex girlfriend, since then I have slowly fallen in to a state of mind that things wont get better and i'll find someone. But I cant get my mind off of my ex. I was with her for 4 years. we had our arguments as all healthy relationships do. she was a shy person with not many friends. I was always more outgoing had plenty of friends and I never saw any problems. We were great in bed, I treated her well, Always suprising her with gifts and writing her love poems etc. Well then about november time she got this new friend at work and started going out more. She lived about an hour from me, so seeing each other was resticted to weekends and any holidays we arranged. well after her new mate was about she started to change, suddenly become busy all the time, wouldnt come see me, id turn up and shed not be there. The thing is 8 months on and im still crazy about the girl, but she wont talk to me. I've tried seeing other girls and nothing seems to work out because I cant help but compare to her and how things were. She wont tell me why things went wrong or anything, also she use to accuse me of cheating which id never dream of. I speak to her ocasionally but shes always nasty to me to be fair. I just dont know how to snap out of this frame of mind because its made me put loads of weight on 2-3 stone and totally give up on everything, which i feel is making things worse. Im finding it harder and harder to find dates, I even gave up looking for love now in hope, maybe it'll find me. My mates say im better off alone but, im not an alone kind of person. i just dont know where to go. It also dont help having all my m8s having girlfriends either.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007): i'm not going to say it'll get better quickly and easily. this is one of those common things i see in my high school everyday. trust me on this, everyone asks me for advice and my best friend just asked me about this... this "great guy" she was practically in love with since kindergarden finally went out on a date with her. i know it wasn't a serious relationship as yours, but they'd been good friends up til two years ago. then he went to another school, but when they saw eachother, they thought about going out. last january they went out on a date. it was all awkward, he was not half as gentlemanly as he used to be. now, they have barely anything to say to eachother. he answers her sharply, coldly, and she hated/loved him. anyways, she kept complaining how bad it was for her to see him if he happened to be around. i told her that if she was over him, it was nothing to complain about, that it should not have affected her at all, that it should actually help to be around him to fight her feelings and crush them once and for all. i told her that she needed closure. she couldn't get over him and lead her life. i told her to write it down with ink on paper, "i am over him." and that she had to, at once, just take a deep breath and STOP. no thinking about him, no bringing him up, that talking about him meant no closure. (i was tired of her nagging about him...) i've actually done the same, and i felt so free after.you can do this, but i also suggest, that because you two had been so close... that you can still talk to her. you can tell her that you think you still have feelings for her, ask her if she feels anything for you still. if she does, and you want to, really talk about how you had ended your last relationship and to endure this new one. if not, it is the closure that you need.
A
female
reader, Tray-Lou +, writes (24 August 2007):
i think that you need to realise if this girl is around the same age as you people sometimes do change when they get older and she clearly hasn't changed in a good way to treat you like this because of one friend she makes she has obviously started acting this way to live up to the standards of her friend and she won't get far if she carries on like that but you don't have to go and be with other people you need to recognise that the change has been in her and NOT in you so it was nothing that you have done or that you can change or do. she has no right to be nasty to you she has had a personality change to adapt to the people she has been hanging around with. there are millions of other girls in the world and i know it doesn't feel like that at the moment but you need to find something to stimulate your mind do something that you truly enjoy go travelling around the world see the places see the other people in the world apart from her cuz their are many things to do and see so get up and go and see them and realise you only have ONE LIFE and live it to the full and have some amazing life experiences to tell your future children be crazy but be sensible and get out the front door and smell the fresh outdoors, let this girl leave your mind and never come back because you will be so much better off
good luck
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