A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:When she was 14 i went to the other side of the country to surf. she went with three male friends. one was a guy sh had been seeing for a good while. he had cheated on her. he was 17.thought it was a good idea to go do the whole rebound thing and flirt with this guy who was a bit older than her.it was like a hostel place they were staying in, a place where you can surf and all that stuff tho. as usual she wasthe youngest there. the guy she was flirting with was at least in 23, lets call him Rob* but anyway. he was in charge of a group, teaching people how to surf and all that. an instructer. he thought amanda was older, at least 17/18 anyway.Amanda* was sharing a room with one lad, andrew*. one night we got quite wasted. they went off to some fun fair which was about 2 mins away. she didnt want to go so this guy, conor, decided to keep her company. they continued to drink, andwent into her room where we were staying, she remembers fooling around with him and falling asleep. the next morning woke up with a hangover andfeeling really sore. not sure if it was a period or what but she bled lightly for two days. our friend andrew* said he tried to get into the room but the doors were locked, and that rob* came out early that morning. apparently he told his friend he'd taken her virginity and all that. andrew said he showed the guy a condom with blood on it.. i assume it was the one he used!she wasnt the same for the rest of that summer. i was afraid she had STDs also was afraid of being pregnant.Thankfully she has neither STDS or a baby, but always maintained that she had lost virginity to him...shes 16 now. she has a boyfriend whos great. but, told him about this.. at first he believed her. when they had sex he said "id swear you were a virgin"which kind of makes sense. never really told her boyfriend the whole story but assume he can peice it together. shes with this boy about 5 months now and helikes to think he took her virginity but the other night, he said something about her "making up" this story, incase she was ashamed or something!..but why would i be ashamed of purity? i mean, id personally rather be a virgin. also she was subjected to sexual and emotional abuse as a little girl for about a year but its sorted, so the last thing she would want to do is make some crap up like that.What do you think i should do? how can i help her out?her boyfriend has no idea about her expereinces as a little girl but i feel the need to tell him sometimes because she gets upset a lot and he dosnt understand why.Is it unfair for her boyfriend to not trust her on this? she hasnt done anything to make him think otherwise...Its like he is being cruel when he asks these questions. even if he dosnt relise it, it still makes her feel like he dosnt believe what she does say.. if he cant trust her how can she trust him?am i wrong for thinking like this? all of this is really getting to me and i really need some advice.
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condom, emotionally abusive, flirt, has a boyfriend, her ex, her past, period, she has a boyfriend, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (25 August 2007):
 No, you shouldn't tell him about her past. It is not up to you to decide who should know about this. It is her story and it is up to her to decide who to tell, how and when. I understand you care a lot for your friend and that you want to help her out, but telling him about her past is not the right way. It will most probably also cause a huge trust issue in between she and you. It sound to me as if she has a lot of unsorted baggage to deal with and maybe it would be good for her to see someone professional to be able to sort these things out and come to terms with what happened to her. This way she will feel more comfortable about herself and will be better off when in a relationship. It could very well be that now her inner feelings about herself is struggling in between knowing what happened is not her fault, and strong feelings of guilt and shame, which often happens in these situations.I wish you and your friend all the best.
A
female
reader, crazyone +, writes (24 August 2007):
 Why dont' you just ask your friend if she feels like she needs to tell him so he can understand?
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