A
female
age
30-35,
*mily Ophelia
writes:So. Hey everyone. Here's my story. I know this guy since about three years and I've had a number of crushed on him since about a year and a half ago. I never acted on them because I had a boyfriend at the time but no matter how strong I fought the feeling, I usually got butterflies in my stomach when I saw him. So, a week ago, we were chatting online and he invited me over. I accepted (because I thought being single again and everything it wouldn't hurt to at least see him because we don't see each other a lot). Well, a few days ago I visited him and we had a great time. Talking for hours, cooking dinner, talking. After quite some time, shortly before the last tube would have set of, he said I could crash at his place. I accepted and till then nothing had happened that could suggest he had anything in mind. However, hours later, we ended up having a tickle-fight on the couch. All fun and games but at some point he kissed me. So yeah, we carried on like this, in the morning I went to Uni and he invited me over again, saying I could spent the night if I wanted to. So, again, we had a great time kissing and making out a little. Next morning we were lying in bed for two or three hours just fooling around and "fighting". When he asked me what all this means to me, I said "quite a lot, to be honest" and he said he doesn't know and he like me way too much to lie to me. So, yeah I knew that was it but I was like: Oh, well, awesome memory and stuff. Only a day after we saw each other last he wrote to me, saying he felt really bad and sorry but he just couldn't start a relationship. He explained it very well, telling me he didn't want to break up with me three months into it because he isn't sure anymore (that is what my Ex did) and that he can't imagine a relationship with anyone at all at the moment. Meanwhile, he also told me that kissing me was great and that he wanted to kiss ME not just kiss anyone and that he thinks I'm beautiful and he really likes me and thinks I'm wonderful. And that he hopes we can still see each other. I told him, I am okay with that because well, we never set any rules or anything. But his honest-to-God explanation really made me realize that I still like him. Although I don't know how much.And considering he pretty much told me everything he likes about me (like my hair being all pixie-cut) and what he likes on girls in general... I was wondering if I should at least try to make him realize what he misses. Because he seems like the kinda guy worth fighting for. What do you think? Should I try? And if yes, any suggestions? Thank you immensely for your help!
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crush, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Emily Ophelia +, writes (31 December 2011):
Emily Ophelia is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, if anyone is interested in how things turned out... well here goes nothing.
We wrote some emails, saw each other on a concert of his band (I got wobbly knees when we hugged) and that was about it. And I'm really quite fine with it :)
Anyhow, you all were of great help! Although I didn't want to see reason at first you were right :)
A
female
reader, sinad853  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 You should definitely listen to what he is saying. If he does not want a relationship, he does not want one. That could be for a number of reasons, but most likely he just does not want a relationship because he enjoys being single.
Now, that being said, go ahead and still hang out with him, just don't get your hopes up that he might change his mind. He might, or he might not.
But right now, he made it clear that he simply is not interested in a relationship. Just take his words, the way he said them.
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A
female
reader, justoverit +, writes (27 July 2011):
 If he sasys he doesn't want a relationship then that is what he means. If you continue to hang out with him on a daily basis, sleeping over, and hooking up eventually you will find yourself in love with this guy.And by then he may or may not change his mind about being in a relationship, but you have to ask yourself do you want to be in love with someone who may not be ready to be in a relationship. Dont put yourself out there, guard your heart.
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A
female
reader, Margot56  +, writes (27 July 2011):
 I'd say, get on with your own life. And give him time and space to learn what he's missing out on here. Something is going on in is life, that is holding him back from pursuing this even further. Is it possible that he isn't over a past relationship? If so, then that would make some sense. Because whenever a guy takes on something in his life, he wants to do a good job at it. And usually a guy will not get into a committed romantic relationship if he doesn’t think he can be the man that he knows the girl wants him to be. So perhaps he's just not ready for reasons only he knows. If he's fearing a dating relationship with you right now, I would think that’s the ultimate form of the guy liking you – he doesn’t want to take advantage of you or hurt if he thinks he can't deliver. I cannot tell you if you should or should not pursue this guy but you do have to respect what he has told you and just back off. The end decision is yours to make but you run the risk of 'turning him off' if you were to continue in hot pursuit. Ease back a bit...get out there with the girlfriends and have fun in life. Look after yourself, here and don't pine away for him. If you are the girl for him, he will realize it and he may come knocking on your door. Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2011): This guy did a nice thing and told you straight out he wasnt sure what he felt. Now you have to appreciate that honesty, and try to accept what it means: He doesnt know how he feels, and he doesnt want to hurt you...thus, he doesnt want to ask you out.
As much as that hurts to hear, he has spared you a lot more heartbreak by not dragging you along for a few months, making you like him more, and then suddenly realizing he doesnt like you that much.
I suggest this: Tell him, Look, I appreciate what you said. I like you a lot too. But its not fair to me if we hangout like that again, when you're not sure where this is going. We both felt something.
See how he responds to that. He cant go around kissing and tickling you and making you hope when he's just having some fun. That isnt right.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (27 July 2011):
 I don't think you should do anything but think about what he's told you. If he's not ready for a relationship, then it's not the best thing to do to try to change his mind. If you want a relationship with him that bad, then you're just going to have to wait until he's ready, however long that may be. But for now, just have fun with him and enjoy his company and don't worry about relationship things. Try not to discuss being in a relationship with him unless he decides to bring it up and is comfortable talking about it.
Don't try to do anything to get him ready. It might end up pushing him away.
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A
male
reader, goalstopper +, writes (27 July 2011):
try to not contacting him at all. As well find a new man as soon as possible.
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