A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been seeing this guy for 4 months. since the first kiss i've known he is the one. but we have only had one kiss and only been intamate during sex once. (we only had sex 5 times). he wheres a ring composed of his ex fiancee's engagement ring and two earrings as a reminder of the hurt.he said he wanted to be friends first. and we are. we get along so well.after 1 month i found out i was pregnant and it was undoubtedly his. we went through with an abortion like we had talked about.going through this brought us closer together, until lately. his phone calls which were once very a lot are now not so many. actually barely.when we talked about where this was going he replyed, and i quote, " i would like to see this go somewhere, but i am having a mental problem wanting to be intamite with you, because of what happened (the pregnancy). i am seeing a counceller to try to get through my problems. i don't know if this will ever go anywhere. your an amazing girl, gorgeous, smart, fun and honest. everything i look for in someone, it would truely be my lose. it is unfair to both you and i but we buth deserve to be happy. i do want to see this one day grow into to something but right now i just can't. if you won't wait i'll understand. you deserve to be happy."my question is, is he trying to let me down gently? he has always been honest with me and i believe him but my friends tell me other wise. now it's stuck in my head.
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abortion, fiance, his ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (28 April 2007):
 Wow how fantastic good counselling definitely gets to the root of problems and makes you talk openly to a third party so there is no hiding behind things.
I take my hat off to you both because you are both at least trying to make things work and yes your man is guilty about the abortion and his head is all over the place your relationship has taken one hell of a battering emotionally but you are trying to work through it with professionals.
My advice is stick with it as you will find out so much more about one another and whether this relationship is meant to be or not, ou also end up unlocking things you push to the back of your mind that could now surface in counselling.
Don't shrug it off but address it together and even if stuff comes out that you didn't know then you will at least get to know one another fully.
Counselling makes every one who goes much stronger and able to deal with situations rationally without reacting first and thinking about if afterwards, instead it makes us listen to the other person and actually hear what they are saying.
Best of luck and keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni would like to say thank you to your responces. i appreciate the advice. to up date my situation the other night he came over and we were intamate together. he says councelling has been helping. we are both going to be going for councelling because we both have issues we need to deal with. he has told me he sees this as something worth working on, but it will take time and he thanks me for being patient.
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A
female
reader, trueheartconfused  +, writes (26 April 2007):
You are right , he is trying to let you down gently .
I think he is trying to break up with you but does not
want to do the dirty work. so he said a bunch of things like
you are amazing, gorgious....but he has problem wanting to
be intimate with you , men express their love through sex
, if he does not want to be intimate with you ,
I think it is safe for me to say he does not love you .
He is probably feel very guilty about the abortion,
because he has no intention to be with you long term ,
, but guilt will not save your relationship,
it just tells you how much he is not into you , if he is ,
he will want to be with you especially you were pregnant with
his baby.
you don't want this man to be your child's father.You and
your child both deserve better than this.
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A
female
reader, Keria +, writes (25 April 2007):
It sounds to me like he could be trying to let you down gently, but it also sounds like he's got some problems. Why the hell would a guy wear a ring like that? Sorry, but that's bizare. I say, as hard as it might be, let him go. He sounds like the sort of guy that if you keep, you'll only end up in some weird mess later on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): From what you have said he seems to be genuinely nice guy, you've both been through a tough experience and from the sounds of it he's just having a bit of trouble ajusting to it. If I was you I would give him some space for the time being at least. If the relationship is meant to be then he will come back to you and it does sound as if he will once he gets his around the situation.
I hope you both find each other, good luck xx
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (25 April 2007):
Well I think the pregnancy affected him a lot more than he let on at the time and as your relationship has not been for a long time I think that so much happened so quickly that it basically freaked him.
He could well be seeing a counsellor and I think you should ask if you could see him to talk about in person and judge his reaction face to face.
Friends can all make judgements but at the end of the day you know him better than anyone but either talking to him over the phone or via email or text is not the same as in person and I think you need to clarify it in person.
If he does ask for time ask him how long and if you know that he is the one then you either accept it and wait around for him but there are never any guarantees in life so you could be waiting for something to happen that may never get to that point.
I think you need more straight talking and not skirting around the issues, face to face is always best. Your friends are trying to be there for you and trying to be supportive either way.
Best of luck.
Country Woman
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