A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I am 25 and from Australia. My bf is much older than me, he is 42. I have had problems as you all know about his ex wife and there divorce status. Now guys i need your help again. My boyfriend has three children from previous marriage, which is complicated, he is a grandfather and recently we just found out his daughter is pregnant again. I feel an enormous amount of stress through all of this, i have this whole, is he too complicated? its been in my mind, he is not divorced, he has three children, he has two grandkids which will be three shortly and he has a lack of commitment...its a long list and i dont feel like i can handle all of this in my life just now. i need advice, is dating an older man much harder than i predicted, a step mum at 25, is it too much, a grandmother at 25? am i crazy for stickin with this guy, i love him with all my heart and to leave him would be sore but im not sure i can handle his past as it is, the fact that he has three children and three grand children! Help advice please. Thanks all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): S step grand mommy at 25? Too complicated is not the word. For me its not so much the kids, and grandkids that worry me. Its the facct that u are doing a married man and have no qualms about it. To me that's the deal breaker.
LoveGirl
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 I agree with CaringGuy - it all depends on what YOU want from your life. You have 2 options really:
1. Do you want children? To get married? All the usual stuff people in their 20's expect?
2. Or are you happy just to be with him, never having children of your own and not getting married?
If you are happy just to be with him, and you love him enough that nothing else matters - then I'm sure you will be fine.
But if you have dreams of having a family of your own, getting married, growing old together etc then chances are this man is not the man for you. If he is a grandfather already then I am pretty sure he wont want more kids, if he is not divorced then it sounds like it is going to be a huge battle just for him to be legally separated from his wife let alone getting him to marry you. Then you have the fact that he is indeed 17 years older than you, so when you are only 40 and still young and full of life he will be nearing retirement age and chances are once he is around the age of 60 his health will start to decline. So instead of enjoying your life as a 40 something woman, when you will still be full of life and ambitions - you will end up caring for him and will be restricted in what you can do.
And even if you do have kids - is it really fair for an 8 year old to have a 50 year old father (provided you gave birth now!)? He wont be able to do all the things that a father should do with their child because he is simply too old to keep up with a young child. And what about, if worst came to worst, he is not around to see your kids get married? Is that really fair to put your child at risk of that?
I think age differences are not too bad in all circumstances, and sometimes you might even get away with 17 years. But realistically in terms of where you are in your lives, and what you want from the future, a maximum of 12 years between you is the most you want in an age difference.
As I said before - it is entirely up to you what you want from your life. You have to think about your dreams for the future and if it is possible for him to give you what you want.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (13 December 2010):
The question I have for you now, is what do you want from your life? Do you want children? A house? Holidays? What do you want from your life, because basically at this rate you won't have a life. You'll just be running around after an older man who has children already, won't want more, won't be able to realistically offer you the sort of life that you perhaps want. All I see here is a lot of stress and disappointment, unless you can accept that you will simply not have the same lifestyle that you might with a man who isn't in this situation.
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