A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am just writing because I am somewhat confused by my boyfriend's behavior lately. Things seem to be going well for us - his family and friends love me and seem to think I'm a keeper, and I think he is too. We were at a mutual friend's wedding reception the other night and on the way there, he was joking around and at the end he said "We're not even married yet and you do what I say", the "you do what I say" part was the joking stuff, but he said "not married yet", made me think he was thinking about marrying me, especially since he keeps telling me how wonderful it is that his friends and family treat me like I belong and all that. Yesterday, however, we were talking about a friend of mine who's only been dating her current guy for less than two months and he was online looking at engagement rings and we both thought it seemed kind of soon. I said "You and I have been dating longer than they have, and I'm pretty sure you haven't looked at rings yet," and he was very quick to respond with "I KNOW I haven't been looking at rings yet." He's told me that he sees me in his future and that five years down the road he sees us married and having at least one child and maybe another on the way, so I guess I'm just needing some clarification on whether he's actually maybe thinking about marriage, or just talking.
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female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (10 August 2010):
I gotta second what OhGetReal said - Keep your options open - even wanting you to move in soon is a red flag. Just like the comment "We are not even married yet, and you do what I say" Yikes! RED FLAG there - kidding or not.
Be sure to balance what you are doing or you may end up being manipulated by this guy, move in, spend even more time and realize he is full of empty promises.
Try to find out about his past relationships somehow. At 38 how many long term relationships has he had or have they all been short lived. Go about this carefully - I don't know if you can ask a friend or sister etc...
Good luck
A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (10 August 2010):
I gotta second what OhGetReal said - Keep your options open - even wanting you to move in soon is a red flag. Just like the comment "We are not even married yet, and you do what I say" Yikes! RED FLAG there - kidding or not.
Be sure to balance what you are doing or you may end up being manipulated by this guy, move in, spend even more time and realize he is full of empty promises.
Try to find out about his past relationships somehow. At 38 how many long term relationships has he had or have they all been short lived. Go about this carefully - I don't know if you can ask a friend or sister etc...
Good luck
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A
female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (9 August 2010):
 I am inclined to think that your man is NOT currently thinking about marrying you. The statement about rings pretty much summed that up for me. Just because he asked you to live with him does not mean he wants to marry you either.
Ask yourself this. Why is he still single at 38? Has he had decades of using women? What has suddenly caused him to want to settle down and if he has what makes you think he will end his bachelor ways? Like womanizing, if that has been his pattern. He seems to be boastful of how he has you Wrapped around his finger without having to be married to you, and he is proud of the fact that he has not succumed to the pressures of getting married and looking at rings like that other dolt has done in only two months.
Do his comments mean anything? I don't think it means he won't get married or that he will or that he is thinking about it. I think they are a form of manipulating the situation and keeping you off balance, right where he wants you, cooperative and confused.
I don't know your guy, he could be dead serious about wanting a future with you, but me thinks I would keep my options open if I were you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2010): Thanks everyone. I do think he's thinking about it, and I do want it. I'm not pushing the issue, I was just hoping he was thinking about it a little as well. The only "time" related issue I have is that we have talked about having children and we both just turned 38 so time is somewhat of a factor for me. I don't think he will wait years to ask, in fact, he asked me to move in with him a lot sooner than I expected and it completely surprised me. We haven't been together long-but he does treat me well and we have a lot of fun together and can always seem to make each other laugh, no matter what. I will just keep trying to be patient and when it's supposed to happen, it will. As they say, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
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A
female
reader, Chippy2 +, writes (9 August 2010):
Be very careful with your heart in this one. I was dating a guy for four years and all the same wonderful things were happening and said - THEN I found out he was on some NASTY web sites and was probably meeting gals on there - He is a truck driver -
Things slid quickly when I confronted him and then everyone hated ME! Family friends cause it was considered something he should be allowed to do.
He left me the week my mother died and moved another woman into his home - he got engaged to her 8 months after.
Go figure - he still texts me wanting sex.
Make sure you KNOW your guy and that YOUR FAMILY and FRIENDS ok him too.
Good luck -
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (9 August 2010):
 He's just letting you know what he's thinking. don't bring it up just let him ease into it himself. But it definately sounds like he's into the idea.
some women hear their guy talk about wanting to be married and gets way too excited. then they start to pressure the guy and then it get ugly. trust me i know first hand.
just know it's in his mind. stay cool and enjoy your realtionship.
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