A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I share a computer with my bf. He left the computer on one day, and when I got home decided I would go on and check my email... I looked in the search bar and saw he was looking up porn. (He forgot to delete the search bar.) I felt insecure like im sure most woman do, I dont have a problem with them looking but I dont really want to know about it, unless im watching with him. I told him I saw it and told him how it makes me feel, and that I dont mind if he is either looking at it and does not leave it up, or he can watch it with me I am open to that. We have recently gotten into some arguments about how some men look at woman, womans insecurities (which I have some of my own, but am truly working hard on) etc... I now dont think that he thinks im comfortable with it at all, he has never looked at it with me and our sex life is great. I have been trying to be more comfortable, leaving lights on and wearing sexy lingerie aound the house... when i do he stops what hes doing and we go in the bedroom. I asked him once if he prefers the pictures over me, and he said of course not. Do you think he is still attracted to me even though we some different views on porn? Im asking because I was reading ?'s and answers from other people and one girl said if you let him know you are uncomfortable with it your man will 100% no longer be turned on when you have sex... is this true??? thanks for everyone's help! :-)
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female
reader, Parisienne  +, writes (27 September 2008):
 I have been where you are. Most ladies (in my experience) who do have problems with porn usually take a moral stance (its degrading, which it is by definition-- sexual display for the pleasure of the viewer) and/or it makes them feel insecure about how their husband views them sexually.
Men, if you are going to flaunt your porn infront of your girlfriends/wives/SO's then at least take time to appreciate your ladies for what they are. Let them know you don't expect them to look like the ladies on-screen or even perform as well. After all, they don't expect you to perform like a porn star!
I guaruntee that if you reassure the movie star in your bedroom (your girlfriend/wife) that she is just as desirable to you as Suzy Screw then her problems (at least the insecurity portion) will eliminate some resistance to your porn viewing habits.
Personally, I find it a big turn off that these people are getting paid to pretend like the experience on screen is pleasureable. The home-made stuff is more to my taste but its still a turn off (most of the time heh)that a couple wants to take something personal and broadcast it for others to see. C'est la vie.
I worked out a compromise with my fiance that I don't care about porn as long as I don't have to see it. On average when I am conducing business or conversing with friends on the computer then I'd rather not see it on the shared computer (just remember to delete the browser history! Not rocket science). Just like he'd rather not have me tape over something he enjoys watching with a lifetime movie LOL or another girlie show that makes him want to die.
If I want to see it (occasionally I do) then bust out the porn. I think we have different tastes in porn- so we have to find something that is mutually appealing, but that just takes some searching. Its about consideration.
So far the result has been satisfactory. I see porn when I want to. He gets his pleasures otherwise. As long as he doesn't ignore me for porn (addiction) and still finds me attractive I don't have a problem with porn as a rule. If it is something that he feels he must view to perform then that isn't very healthy. I would have a problem with that.
If it is just a distraction/amusement then its not a big deal. Think of it like watching a cooking show. He knows that you can cook and that he likes to eat what you make him. However, occasionally watching someone else make dinner is entertaining. Makes it a little less threatening doesn't it?
As long as it doesn't affect how he feels about you then it is harmless, but he should respect your wishes (that means you have to ask him hun) that he keeps it on his own computer and remembers to spare you the agony of seeing it on a shared computer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 September 2008): i have been with my fiance for 9 months and i am pregnant, and he watches porn and i watch it with him sometimes too. but i do get insecure about it to. at times i feel that he is still attracted to me and at other times im not sure if he is but... i just wonder if he likes watching all the other girls more then he likes to see me. i love him so much and sometimes i dont know what to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): That girls statement was a big pile of bull crap, I'm sorry she got you worried. I pro-porn, I have no problem with it at all, and it's sad some ladies do. However I strongly believe that the situation can be fixed by tolerance and compromise on both sides. You don't like porn in your face, and that is right for you. You have been more than fair in allowing him some areas to include porn in his life. It's not banned from his life, but it's put in it's a place where it's more comfortable for you. As I've said you've been very fair and very sensible in coming to a decent compromise that allows you both to feel as if your views can be listened to and tolerated.
I wish you all the confidence in the world, I wish you the security to know how much you are truely loved and blessed. You are beautifully unique, because there is no other woman in the world who is exactly like you. Blessings, your chap is one lucky guy, and I bet he knows this too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008): I thank everyone for your help... I appreciate it. You made me feel much better about everything. The female input was great(as it usually is), but it was really nice that replacement (male reader) said the same. It reassured me even more... :) You are all great... I wish you all the best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): i hate it if my boyfriend watches porn but then again i told him from the start i dont agree with the porn on the internet because its just not right and so degrading so he dosnt watch it, if its in a film or a programme on tv i dont mind at all and somtimes i watch it too with him it is a turn on i think , but my boyfriend is still attracted to me and loves me and we have a great relationship and sex life. so who ever says they wont be attracted to you if you dont like him watching porn they are sooooo obv wrong take no notice of that at all
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): whoever said that your man will not want sex with you anymore is sooo wrong and crazy!! thats not true at all. my boyf watches porn and i have no problem with it at all, even if i do see the search history. but i am a fan of porn so i suppose it makes it easier!! try bringing it into the bedroom...not only will it be A HUGE turn on for both of you, but he will see that you are comfortable with him watching it.
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (5 August 2008):
 If you let your man know that you're uncomfortable with it, he won't be turned on anymore during sex? What? That's the biggest load of crap I've ever heard.
I'm a man. I don't watch porn when I'm in committed relationships. My current girlfriend told me from the get go that she's never liked porn, and many of my girlfriends have felt insecure when I watched it. So I stop. I don't get turned off. I don't need porn, I'd rather have real life sex with a girlfriend who trusts and respects me. If watching porn hurts or offends my girlfriend, I give it up... it's just not important enough to keep watching it when I know that she's hurting about it. I don't miss it, either.
So... NO... it's not true that men are turned off when their girlfriends are uncomfortable with porn... that's just... stupid.
But yeah, he's still attracted to you.
Porn doesn't affect his attraction to you, so long as he's a healthy man who isn't addicted to the stuff.
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A
female
reader, A Cappella +, writes (5 August 2008):
 My man watches porn and it doesn't bother me. Sometimes he does it with the sound down in our room before we have sex; I leave my glasses off [grin]. Porn doesn't do anything for me at all (I'm not that visual, and watching a sexy woman suck off a man, or worse for me, another woman, turns me off rather than on, even if the man is sexy as hell). But I know he loves it and it makes our love-making fun, so I don't worry about it.
Just because you don't like it doesn't mean it will change his feelings for you at all; different people have different tastes. And of course he likes you better than the sexy pictures: (1) he can touch you, and (2) he loves you. The real thing is always better. So let him know it's okay by you and participate as much as you're able, but don't feel like you HAVE to watch just because he is.
But tell him to leave your computer alone!!! Here is where I cry foul, and loudly. Porn sites are notorious for downloading all kinds of unwanted crap onto your computer -- malware, adware and plain viruses. Nasty. It can slow down your computer, cause all kinds of embarrassing pop-ups and make you miserable. If he wants to view porn online, he can do it someplace else. NOT on the computer you share!!
Good luck hon!
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