A
female
age
30-35,
*avesearcher
writes:Hi,I am getting the feeling my boyfriend is distancing himself from me. We are in a long distance relationship (different continents), UK and Canada. So we already couldn't be more farther apart. I just came back to canada for uni for summer term a month ago after visiting him for a month. We chat every day on the phone, but I have been noticing more and more that he only talks about himself and doesn't really ask me too much about what's going on in my life. And when I do start talking about Uni, he gets tired and starts yawning and saying it's nearing time for bed (if I could see him it would be a very glazed look). I don't mind if he doesn't find it interesting just if he took some asking about my day with a little interest... that would be nice. All we talk about is him. Even when I said I downloaded a band he liked he never even really asked me if I liked them, only went on about his experiences with their music (I am being nitpicky here but only because I have noticed now) I've been the one paying to call him for the last month which has already cost me $70! And I ask him to buy a phone card but he never gets around to it...?I've sent him some nice letters and a gift from when I left but I haven't even gotten a letter in return a month later, even when I hinted.Haha I deleted my facebook account and he hasn't even noticed! I let him know the other day that he wan't putting a lot of effort into our relationship, and he got defensive, which I expected, and promised to try harder but nothing has changed. I said that I would like to visit him again in August for 3 weeks between semesters, and he said only if he gets his own place. He is staying at his mothers beacuse he can't work due to a knee injury, and says he can't burden her. But apparently she really enjoyed having me a month ago which I stayed with them for 3 weeks and thinks I am great.I'm slowly getting the message that it's me who is the burden for him, not his mom.Do I bring this up and cause an argument, which I know it would :( Even in the most non accusing way it will always become an argument something like this.Your advise would be much appreciated and I am apologetic for this word vomit, long plea for help. :p
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (28 May 2013):
From a distance there isn't much you can do... pulling away is about it. If he notices you slipping away he may realize he's taking you for granted. At the same time, what if it doesn't change anything?
You may have strong feelings for him, but at what point do you have to admit that that's not enough? I've had to end a relationship with someone I loved and it was difficult, but it freed me up to meet an amazing girl. The situation taught me a valuable lesson about staying with someone who you love even when you're not happy.
A
female
reader, wavesearcher +, writes (28 May 2013):
wavesearcher is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,thanks for the replies. Mariah, I think your input best suits my situation thanks! I don't want to break up because at least he does call I do still have feelings for him. It is best just to focus on school and with my friends, which is what I have been doing and feeling fine. I don't miss him tremendously because I am keeping myself busy.Cagedheart --- thanks for the advise as well, BUT I advise you if you ever have the same fears as me in a relationship not to do that and make a fake girl profile. It's playing games and we really don't need that drama in our lives huh. Relationships are tough as it is. I trust that it's no one else definitely. I don't even think it's about me... I think it's really that he is unhappy with himself. I don't know how to get him interested again? I think just focusing on myself and just maybe even not trying so hard and pulling away a bit may help. Oh ... life is a drama
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A
female
reader, cagedheart +, writes (28 May 2013):
unfortunately all the signs do point to disinterest on his part. Almost sounds like he may have another interest, i almost hate to give this advice, but you could always make a fake profile of sorts (perhaps one local to him) and see how he reacts to the "new chick", but you will likely only get the evidence you don't want to see.
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (27 May 2013):
 I think you're looking for water in a dry well! It's difficult to maintain long distance relationships so in order for them to work... BOTH parties need to be committed to the cause. If you are the one making the calls to listen to him harp on about himself...then ..is this really what you want? Need? You're in Canada studying...focus on that... meet new people.. have a ball and when you return to UK.. see how you feel about this guy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (27 May 2013):
Why are you wasting your time in this "relationship"? What are you getting out of it that you couldn't from a local relationship?
The bottom line is that you're not the problem, your ridiculously long distance relationship is. It's just not the type of relationship that can be sustained in the long term.
Free yourself and find someone nearby.
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