A
female
age
30-35,
*ieutenant
writes:What has happened? I'm in medical school and it's really difficult to find guys that i'm interested in and that are also interested in me, not just for sex. I met this guy online and we were talking for a while and then I met him in person. The first time I met him, he was really sweet, gentlemanly and full of compliments. After that date when we were talking online, he told me that he thought I was the most beautiful girl he's ever met. We went out again and after that we were still talking fine and he seemed very interested. We have been talking for almost 2 months and previously we talked online every evening. He is such a gentleman, he did not try anything inappropriate with me. We haven't even kissed or done anything of that nature. Last week thursday, I called him and I was trying to tell him something but he couldn't understand me (English is his second language), so I said to him "never mind, i'll talk to you later" and then I hung up. Since then, he's been very stand-offish. I called him 3 times during the weekend, but his phone was always unavailable. On sunday evening when I called, the phone finally rang, but he did not pick up. I didn't call again until last night (monday night) and the phone rang, but he didn't pick up. He then sent me a message online saying that he doesn't want to talk to me on the phone anymore, because he doesn't understand me. But that he'll be online sometimes and that was it. I've sent him 3 messages online and I even apologised (in case I did something wrong and I wasn't aware of it); but he hasn't replied. Is it a fair assumption to say that he is no longer interested? I have a feeling that that is probably the reason, but I just want to hear other opinions. He is such a nice guy and i'm a little confused as to what exactly I did to make him act like this towards me. :-S Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Lieutenant +, writes (6 March 2013):
Lieutenant is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much for your replies everyone. Sometimes i'm so focused on tiny details that I miss the big picture. The way I ended the phone conversation last week, was quite rude. I sent him a message apologising for sounding impatient and rude. Hopefully he replies to me and starts talking to me again...if not, then this has been a very enlightening situation for me.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 Well,saying " never mind , I'll talk to you later " and hanging up immediately is quite abrupt,and sort of rude, even for two mothertongue English speakers,lol ,no wonder he was annoyed. It would have gone down better if you had said " This is too difficult to explain on the phone, I'll show you what I mean by e-mail in a little while" ,passed to another topic, and let the conversation wind down naturally.
Of course, it is also true that Internet is the world of flakyness and impermanence, so it would not be that strange if he had lost interest like this, just because.
Yet, I think that he might feel he has been disposed of too brusquely , and if you e-mail him apologizing for having unintentionally sounded impatient, ( which is different than saying " sorry if I have done something which I don't even realize what it is ") you might smooth his ruffled feathers.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (6 March 2013):
My wife is a native Spanish speaker, and to me it seems like she speaks great English, she sometimes is waaaay to self conscious about it. I can't tell you how many arguments its started because of her sensitivity.
Unfortunately I don't have a suggestion because nothing has changed!
What might work if he's not ashamed of his accent and/or culture, is to tell him that you're very sorry that you might have sounded rude or impatient with him on the phone the other day, but you didn't mean anything by it. Tell him that you understand it may be difficult for the two of you to understand each other on occasion, but you welcome it because part of what you like about him is his accent and his culture.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 March 2013):
 You probably sounded like you were impatient with him. Having a language barrier, and over the phone makes it doubly hard. You might not have anything majorly important to say, but he was upset that you did not take the time to tell him later what you meant, like in a text when he could at least read it. You just gave up.
Communication is important to me. I would get frustrated as well. One time one of the reasons why I lost interest in a guy was because he spoke too fast. He's originally from New York. I had to ask him to repeat himself many times.
I can say he is no longer interested because talking to you had been stressful.
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