A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello: My boss is like 44 yrs old. He is very immature.. Well, I have been pulling away from him for some time because of an attraction between us. Needless to say - It went to HR. He asked to stay cordial with me and wanted us to still be friends, and for the sake of peace I thought it would be okay, But then he would be nice to me, then cold the next, try to touch me, but I'd pull away, cuz I knew we could not continue with such feelings. then he'd want me to work with him, then be cold again, this pattern repeats which is normal for who he is.... Well I just found out yesterday, which would be months after the above... that he has been spreading work gossip about me, saying that I'm insane, and invented the hole HR scenario. Still, I catch him starring at me for long periods of time when I walk through the work place. Or he will put a huge wall up and ignore me.Before I knew about this I started to say hello to him when i returned to work, and he looked hurt and so angry then gave me a little nod in passing..then I found out that he had been talking to people about me being crazy and inventive about the HR thing...(mind u his job was on the line because of what witnesses reported about it). Others have noticed his radiating negativity toward me, putting walls up, but yet I noticed that he will still glance at me, and look at me.As a matter of fact I tested it and gazed at him while walking up a pathway and sure enuff we held a gaze for a while until I had to turn down the hall...that was interesting, I just wondered, his behavior seems so young. Is it safe to presume that DID HE ACTUALLY FEEL DEEPER THEN HE LET ON TO BEHAVE THIS WAY?? . It reminds me of a break up how people back bit their X. IS THIS HIS WAY OF TRYING TO GET A REACTION OUT OF ME TO GIVE HIM SOME KIND OF ATTENTION AGAIN?? (surely he knows it will get back to me in that workplace)IS HE EMOTIONAL?? Just curious what dear cupids may have to say. I know this will blow over, I hope. Its sad to see that he carries such a burden..I guess he'd have to have cared for it to be going on this long in his head??? And his ill words against me... ANY IDEAS??
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female
reader, curious0hot +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Maybe he is truly attached to you. Maybe his pride is just hurt. Maybe he's crazy. What matters is that you speak to HR again, and get a solution that prevents you from having to interact with him in any way.
A
female
reader, Gridrebel +, writes (1 February 2010):
 This is called sexual harassment in the work place. First of all, TELL NO ONE ever what you are about to do. Not even you best friend, ever! Slip a recorder in your pocket and have it ready to go with new tape (make sure it at least 30 min on each side) and new batteries and then turn it on, go and confront him privately about the liaison and his bad behavior. It is actually better if you can have the recorder in a shelf or somewhere the sound is not blocked somewhat as recorders in pockets don't pick up so well. But, a pocket is better than nothing. Possible script: "Hey Bob, you know since we slept together last Wednesday, I am very uncomfortable with the way you are treating me now. I feel you are harassing me and spreading evil rumors. I would like it if you would quit harassing me and spreading rumors that I am crazy or insane." Try and get him to do most of the talking but you do need to try and get all the above points in there if you can. Then, there is your proof. You have to mitigate your situation somewhat by telling him you don't like his behavior and tell (don't ask) him to stop it but don't use the words "or else I'll...". Remember, get this on tape. Also, keep a log of dates, times and description of his actions that are making you uncomfortable, even log the ones that already happened. If you can audio or video record these harassments somehow, then do so. Do not let ANYONE see this, do not have the log at work. TELL NO ONE!!!! Let it go on for a couple weeks. Then, go report him to HR. Don't threaten him ever with telling him you will go to HR if his behavior doesn't stop or show your hand in any way. Just report to HR after you get good evidence logged of him staring at you, touching you or being mean to you. Do not give HR any logs nor tell them of any evidence you have. Keep logging. Don’t stop. Trust no one. IF you choose to file a lawsuit in the future, all this will help your case. It helps if you can show that you attempted to mitigate the circumstances by telling him in your own words to stop bothering you. But only once though. He is your boss and his authority is manipulating and oppressing you. And no, I have not sued anyone for this. I worked in a law firm for many years. It amazes me that this type of behavior continues in the work place. By the way, you will win you case if you follow these procedures. Even if he were to get fired, you can still sue. An attorney will snap this up in a heartbeat. Obviously, you can't let it be known you are gathering evidence to sue :o because that would appear like entrapment. You may not want to file suit now but it may get very uncomfortable in your workplace. So much so that you may get depression and/or want to quit your job. You should not have to do this. Or, you may even get fired down the line for some lame excuse. The only person that should ever see the logs or hear the tape(s) is your attorney. I know this one case where a gal hired on at a restaurant and was being sexually harassed by the manager. After a couple weeks, she got her sister hired on and of course, they were both sexually harassed. Then after a month of working, they both gave notice and filed law suits. They had built enough evidence and sued the heck out of the restaurant and won. Oh, did I mention TELL NO ONE of your evidence gathering, not even your mother?
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (31 January 2010):
 Yep, you nailed it...immature. This guy will only cause trouble for you. He does seem to have some kind of "attention needs" where you are concerned. He is telling people things to fill his own ego. The unfortunate thing here is that he is trying to get you to engage in his "high danger game". Do NOT. He definately isn't worth you losing your job over. He is making up this crap about you being insane, etc in order to take the heat off him and eventually it could land you out the door.
Just ignore him. If this continues, find another boss. He seriously will only bring trouble for you and who really cares why he's doing what he's doing. He does not care about you. This I know because at his maturity level the only one he can care about is himself. Run....
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 January 2010):
It won't blow over. This is about him now getting revenge because you turned him down. Go back to HR, and this time file another complaint and tell them that if it's not sorted, you'll get a lawyer. And mean it. Don't take this kind of crap from anyone. Also, make sure you get some more witnesses, just do they know what he's really like.
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