A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, so. I'm 19, shes 20. We started going out about 9 months ago, we click, we are perfectly together. So perfect, that i know its bad. We are both very close, we don't have intrest in other people, but we find, that our relationshop is perfect. We rarely fight, but when we do, its because i create a fight, or else we will have just a few days of numb interaction.We know that neither of us will leave the other, and we're afraid of taking that for granted... We need a bit of bad in our relationship so that we can cherish the good, if you know what I mean. And I'm willing to do anything... I have a feeling, that if we don't get rid of this, it might break us up... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): O.P. here.
I understand that I'll get to know her over time. I am with her usually 4-5 days out of the week for more than 12 hours, and i see her every day anyway.
I know who she is, and I'm certain about her thoughts. I would just... like to avoid all of that coming out at the end. If anything WERE to go wrong, i'd like to know ahead of it... somehow.
I just, need some way to put negativity in our relationship JUST ENOUGH so that it isnt all happy and dandy. It really does get boring if everythings so good for us. We tend to like drama, not a lot, but just drama. And both of us are very outgoing, so jealousy is not really a help topic.
We have our own opinions, and we talk them out, sometimes agitatedly, but it all ends up good. Lately i've been deliberately starting arguments that get her fuming, just so that she can vent, and get rid of pent up stress. She thanks me later, and i pretend to not know why.
I just, want to create some drama, so that we can appreciate all that is good, before it is too late. My first girlfriend took me for granted, and eventually, after she had hurt me much, i left her.
My present girlfriend fears of taking me for granted... What can i do about it?
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 There are six primal needs in a relationship to keep it alive. 1, Certainty and comfort 2. Uncertainty and Variety 3. Significance 4. Love and Connection 5. Growth 6. Contribution.
If you plan to grow old together. There would inevitably be conflicts concerning finance, children, household maintenance and idea of fun. Don't worry, you will have your fair share of fights if you two get married. Nobody can have the same opinions on everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): As for training memories: use association. Associate what she is talking about with something else, and that will help you remember.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): If you have other factors in your life that aren't so great, wont that make you cherish her and not take her for granted?
PS. I had a boyfriend once that I rarely if ever fought with. I thought we were great together and loved him so much. We were planning a trip together, we planned a year in advance. It came around the time when we were about to order the tickets, and he bailed out! Said he never really wanted to go, but was playing along with it because he knew I wanted it.
We escaped many fights that way: he would simply not express himself and his own wishes, and just went with whatever I wanted. This caused a lot of build up frustration. So be warned, after 9 months you do not know for sure whats going on and if you really are perfect. In my experience, after a year and a half, you can get to truly see the other for who they are.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2010): Original poster here.
That doesn't help really. We know our inner secrets, we have fun talking about them when we're drunk and alone. So that possibility is ruled out.
As a side-question, i have a really bad memory, when it comes to things she's asked me to do, like write down memories. I forget my older memories, and i forget to write them down whenever i remember. Does anyone have thoughts about how to train my memory relationship wise, so i can remember more of what we talked about?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): have a secret session where you tell one another things that you have done and never told anyone else.
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