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Is he missing something in his marriage or just bored?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 November 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 4 November 2010)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Why would a married man seek attention outside of his home. He has beautiful children, gorgeous wife and great career. However i believe he is trying to pursue a relationship with me by calling me and texting men all of the time. He does not live near me and I don't see him but a couple times a year. What could he be missing or is he just bored?

View related questions: married man, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2010):

I believe he is looking for a f*ck buddy. Have u given himsigns that u fit that description?

LoveGirl

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A male reader, Cerberus_Raphael Sweden +, writes (4 November 2010):

Cerberus_Raphael agony auntAny problem he may be having in his marriage can be worked out peacefully in a mature manner. No I doubt there is a problem with his marriage. He could have the best family in the world with the most loving and devoted wife and he still would not be happy. He is not bored, he is merely seeking the thrill of having an affair. Do not get involved.

I hope that helps.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (4 November 2010):

tennisstar88 agony auntLack of a sex life with their wife, or the need to feel wanted and flattered by other women. What usually turns into an affair. He lacks the spark in his marriage so he is seeking a sexual rendezvous outside of his home.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010):

Don't ever assume you know the why of it, that is the hardest part to get the truth out on.

Yes, he is working on you. Don't get involved unless you want to cause a lot of pain to someone, or simply don't care how much someone else hurts.

Read online references about infidelity as well.

Just remember one thing, have an affair with a married man an you will find that he won't treat you any better than he treats his spouse in the end.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (3 November 2010):

chigirl agony auntSome people just find it hard to remain monogamous and like to get whatever they can have. It's like one piece of cake isn't enough for them and temptation too hard to resist. He doesn't miss anything, and he isn't bored. He just lacks the ability to stay faithful, and can't keep his d¤%#k in his pants. A player in other words.

Don't try to justify his actions. Cheating is cheating no matter the excuse.

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (3 November 2010):

janniepeg agony auntBefore marriage: flowers, movies, romantic dinner, laughter

After marriage and kids: diapers, soccer practice, noisy children, sleep deprivation, obligation sex, household chores, nagging wife, etc

He has to learn to appreciate what he has rather than going back to where he was to achieve what he has now.

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A female reader, Maria-consuela Canada +, writes (3 November 2010):

Maria-consuela agony auntIt could be a number of things.

He could be bored, and have a short attention span, an inability to maintain longterm relationships based on an intimacy problem.

He could have a sex addiction, or a love addiction. He could be attention hungry, overworked and feeling underappreciated, flat out selfish or even just dumb and unable to see what he is risking.

Either way, what are you getting out of this twice a year meeting? Unanswered questions and confusion?

Whatever the reason is that he has decided to approach you, it is in your best interest to be proactive, and not reactive. What do you want out of a relationship? If it is intimacy and commitment you wont get it from this man.

I don't know enough about the situation to make a full assessment but I think you can definitely do better. Set your sights high, and don't wait for a man to decide to drop in and spend time with you.

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A male reader, Dizme United States +, writes (3 November 2010):

This happens in many people's lifes. Sometimes men seek it out for the thrill. In most cases that I have experienced it has been due to an underlying dis-satisfaction with their current sittuation. Outside appearances in a marriage are not always what is happening. Ask him what his intentions are. Decide from that how you feel about them and be honest with him.

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