A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:This is all very complicated,4 years ago i had split with my long term partner of 16 years and had been on my own for a few months when i met this guy everything was going fine then 6 months in he gets cold feet and doesnt want to be in a relationship so it ended.in the mean time 2 years ago i got back with the long term partner,we get on well,but the spark has gone and everything has gone back to the way it was before.anyway through out the relationship this other guy occassionally trys to contact me i have ignored this up until now,he as ask to meet him,i said i would but only as a friend and nothing more.I met him today,we chatted then he trys it on with me i said no i dont want this,only i feel i dont want to be used.Anyway he seems to be down on his luck,and has told me about he doesnt see his child from another women,because he's been seeing this over women,she has mental health problems and has told him not to see the child.and he's agreed to this,which i think is well out of order.He has also told me the police has been involved because the women is violent towards him,and she has accused him of all sorts.Thing is i got home and i have been worry about all of this and its making me feel sick,is he really telling the truth or is this just to get me to feel sorry for him and to get me in his bed.At one point he was the love of my life.he is in his 40s and has been abit of a player in the past,he just says he just doesnt know what he wants in life.he seems upset about this violent women,i think he's using me,but how can i tell? i dont think he has changed much to be honest and seems to hang around with the wrong sort.Another thing he has said,which i did ask him,he doesnt have to be sexally attracted to a women to have sex with her which i find very strange.
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female
reader, Jammy1x  +, writes (3 November 2010):
Either way, if hes using you or he actually is upset over these problems the only thing you can do is not have sex with him. Be there for him as a friend if these problems are effecting him like this, sex isn't the answer. Try new things with your partner at the moment, try spicing up the sex life or going out together to restore the intimacy. Do not have sex with this other man, be a good friend and help him through... if he continues to try it on with you, let him know where you stand and that you are a strong women and wont be used for anything, let alone for sex.
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