A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:We've been together 1 year. I have access to his Facebook account and it looks fairly ok (one thing from January had me a little spooked). I checked out another "social site" and his profile said "Looking for a Relationship" (among other things that I thought I took care of for him). He's only on it maybe once a month ( and he DID tell me he was on it). He has talked with a couple of girls (liked one's portrait photo). I confronted him about it last night. He changed the status and said he just hadn't gotten around to changing all that info. He freaks out if he thinks he's upset me or might lose me. He told me he isn't looking for anyone else, he's not going anywhere, and doesn't want me to go anywhere either. I'm the 1st girl he hasn't cheated on (according to some mutual friends who are concerned about this recent situation). Am I naive or do I have a right to be suspicious? I WANT to trust him and give him the benefit of the doubt.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 September 2011):
 I am not so fast as to say that he should be trusted.
If all of your friends are saying that you're the first girl that he hasn't cheated on, and he's still checking his other social site once a month, that's enough reason to stay on your guard, especially if that social site is "adultfriendfinder".
However, I do think that he is trying. Old habits die hard, but he is trying. If he's cheated on every other woman except you, that still qualifies as a serial cheater. Don't be so quick to give him the benefit of the doubt. Stay on your guard for anything else that might be suspicious now and in the future. Don't confront him over every little thing. Just stay on your guard.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 September 2011):
Hi. I think you ought to give him the benefit of the doubt.
In fact, I can't see any reason why not.
Don't worry too much about the Facebook issue, as that also seems to have been worked out rather well. As you said in your first message, he has explained that to you.
So no real cause for any concern now.
So it should be full speed ahead.
The most important thing though, is that you do trust him from now on.
If he thought that you didn't trust him, it would make him unhappy and it would certainly change his behaviour towards you, knowing that you were constantly doubting his integrity.
No-one wants to know that they aren't thought of in the highest regard. Especially by the one who they are in a relationship with.
Lack of trust will very quickly destroy any relationship. And if you are not careful, there might be no return from that. You could then find that it's over, before it's even started! What a pity, if that happened.
Don't be too concerned by whether he has Asperger's Syndrome, or not. Even if he does, it most likely is being properly treated by a medical professional, I am sure. No need to worry too much.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (30 September 2011):
bardia is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you! This is my first relationship & I have no reason to have such baggage or doubt. He's also a very atypical guy (we're looking into a possible Asperger diagnosis) so I'm really wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt. ^_^
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (30 September 2011):
Hi there. He does definitely seem to be a man you can trust. I can't see any reason not to trust him.
Regards the sociable site where you saw the - "Looking for a relationship" - this clearly seems like before he met you.
Just by the very fact he reassures you he's not going anywhere and doesn't want you to either, PLUS the fact his friends said you are the first woman he didn't cheat on, pretty much speaks for itself.
I think you should trust him completely, unless he ever gives you any reason not to.
And I don't think he will. I really don't.
He wouldn't say those things to you, if he didn't mean it.
He seems like a good man. Treat him well, and with respect and dignity, and you can't go wrong.
Best wishes and take care.
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A
male
reader, NeverEverAgain +, writes (30 September 2011):
I had a very brief emotional affair with a woman I met through work who played up to me with flattery. She obviously saw my weakness, my lack of wholeness, and preyed upon it. Facebook had a lot to do with it, as I really didn't know her. I was in a fantasy world. Well, It was by far the biggest mistake I ever made in my entire life. I would give my left testicle to go back in time and erase the pain I needlessly and selfishly inflicted on my wife, an amazing woman who is the best thing to ever happen in my life. The ten or twelve days of bullshit fantasy was SO not worth it. This Rosh Hashana, I need a bakery van to back up to the water to do Tashlisch, my regrets are so great. On the other hand, it forced me to face my denial about what I called "my pattern," but was really just a weakness I didn't want to face.I have changed a great deal in the 6 months that have passed, and I love my wife more than ever. Our marriage was always good (so why did I do this moronic thing, you might ask) is now amazing, and I've grown in ways I never would have expected. We have fallen in love with one another all over again. But it has been a marathon trying to restore my wife's trust in me and to deal with the pain I have caused. Affairs of any kind are a horrible betrayal and are not worth the cheap moments of giddiness they give you.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (29 September 2011):
 Trust is VERY important in a relationship- and it seems as though this guy really could be trusted. I believe he probably didn't get around to changing his status when you saw it...that happens. Especially for those who are on some social networking/dating sites, but very rarely go on. If you have access to his Facebook account, that should tell you in itself that he has nothing to hide. If he hasn't done anything in the past to show disloyalty, then just give this a guy a chance to prove to you how much he cares- and respects the relationship. Everyone deserves an opportunity.
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