A
female
age
30-35,
*ammy93
writes:I feel so stuck! My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago because he lives too far away, I have my hsc and he has uni. He says at first he wants to go on a break for the remaining 6 months of my hsc, we are so different, etc (yet he could supposedly see himself marrying me one day). He then not only kept changing his mind and told me to accept that if we got back together (which he wanted every second day for a couple of days), I should expect him to break up with me at any moment.Since our "break" has commenced, he still calls me as much as he did every night, and came and saw me on Friday. He sent me a text saying he wanted to "go for a little drive and a talk", which we did, and we did quite a lot of sexual stuff. I asked him before I did one act on him whether he will see other people (he said one time on the phone previously he would not, however a couple of weeks before hand said he would not mind if I saw other people because I "don't belong to him anymore" so I think that infers he wanted too aswell, even then saying he "probably wouldn't, but there is more of a chance" since he regularly goes to gigs, clubs, etc. He then asked me if I am "seriously putting conditions on me going down on him" and I said "Yes". He looked annoyed,and told me he would not see others. So I did what I was thinking of doing..etc.He said this is just a break, but more relaxed than before..not as many obligations, me worrying "is he going to call me tonight" in his own words..I am basically wondering, does he just want to be "friends with benefits" and using me? He said he still cares for me and therefore we should do the same swtuff as before. I don't know. Even my brother and friend who met him said he looked like a sleaze. But for some reason I have hope. He drove from about 45 minutes away to see me..
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 Of cours he wants you to be his FWB- or a booty call,in fact. Never mind the words ( he is also prone to contraddicting himself often, so his words do not matter much anyway). His actions scream booty call.
I don't know for what reason you have hope, if not for the reason that you want to have hope.
He drove 45 minutes to see you. So? For any resident of,say, Los Angeles, New York, London or Rome 45 minutes is a SHORT drive or train ride. This means there are millions of guys every day everywhere that drive 45 minutes to go see girls, it's not such an enterprise and I would not measure his devotion by that.
A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (19 June 2010):
 Any guy would drive 45 minutes if he knew he'd get sex and he'd also say anything when he's just a few select words away from a blow-job...
Honestly, there is not a doubt in my mind that he just wants you two to be friends with benefits. Seriously, I don't think anybody will disagree with me on that, he doesn't seem ready for a relationship at all in my opinion.
Lets also break this down a bit...
He said he still cares for you,
he said he isn't going to see others,
he said he could see himself marrying you
... are his actions really reinforcing what he's said or are they contradicting them?
So I guess the question really is; are you ok with a friends with benefits relationship?
Personally, I hope you kick this sleazeball to the curb, but that's just my two cents.
Best of luck :)
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 No babe, he drove 45 mins for some sexual gratification.
A client of mine had this with an ex, he finished her for same reason, but then would call her to come over and she'd go running, the one time she said no, he stopped calling and found another 'dial a shag'
He is not ready for a commitment, and if i were you, i'd tell him to use a silk glove and remember the good times, coz a memory is all he has of you now.
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