A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I'm not sure how to feel about this. I have an ex, we broke up just a few months ago. While we were together he talked about moving with his friends no another city. This came as a shock as he hadn't mentioned anything about it to me. He said it wasn't even a real plan yet, just a thought, as that would justify it. When I asked where he thought I would be in this picture he thought I'd stay behind..! But "that I was welcome to move along with them". First off all, it was his friends who wanted to move, not him. He is just tagging along. Second, he said I was welcome to move with them! As if I was supposed to move along with him for the sake of his FRIENDS, who I am not even good friends with. But the icing on the cake was that he wouldn't allow me to live with him, no, I was to live at my OWN place, in this new city where I have no friends of my own. I said if I was to move cities for him and our relationship I would expect to live with HIM and WITHOUT the friends. Which apparently was unacceptable as he said that a girl was a bad idea when living with the guys, as "they" didn't want girls to be living with them! And that he wanted to continue living with the friends (they currently share a house).For several reasons we ended the relationship. And now I find out they actually are moving! And guess what, the other guys are moving for their girlfriends! One of the girls live in this other city already, and the other girlfriend is moving WITH them to LIVE WITH them. So apparently "they" don't have a problem with a girl living with them, it's only him! Last time I was hurt because his friends apparently made all the important decisions in his life, but now I learn it's just him who has issues. On one side I feel relieved Im not with him, but on the other I feel it's like a stab at me. He said he actually doesn't want girls living with them, but that he thinks it'll work out with the girlfriend of his friend. So it works out when his friends wants it?? Thoughts please, these news just made the start of the new year a crappy one. It feels like I never mattered to him even when we were together, and it hurts to feel so insignificant. It's so irrational as we are broken up because we weren't good together, but it still hurts all over again.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 Unfortunately he doesn't really love you in the sense you would want. Probably means it more as being concerned about you......in the circumstances, cutting off cotact with him is the best thing you can do for yourself - you can be free to meet someone else in time who WILL love you for yourself........
P.S. Don't "try" to cut contact - do it!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI let this bother me because he still tells me how much he loves me and cares for me. He still wants to be my friend, so it's all up in my face sort of. I'm going to try and cut contact with him.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (2 January 2012):
Why is are you making such a big deal out of what is essentially a non-issue?
He is your FORMER boyfriend, right? The relationship is over and you said yourself that things ended because you weren't good together.
True, you discussed his (plus friends) proposed move while you were still together, but he did tell you then that if you were to move to the same city he would not want you to live with him. It's surprising you didn't decide to ditch him then and there, given how he felt.
What difference does it make whether his friends are (apparently) making the decisions in his life, anyway? He is man enough, one would hope, to either go along with their plans or to vote them down. Presumably he has a mind of his own, correct?
I'm sure you DID matter to him at least in the early stages of dating. However, keep in mind that dating is a way of "trying out" how compatible - or not - two people are. The sad truth is that often there are too many differences and issues to make it workable. Unfortunately, that's what has happened here.
Go out tomorrow instead and celebrate the New Year! (I suppose since New Year fell on a Sunday that Monday is a holiday?)
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A
female
reader, jinxx  +, writes (2 January 2012):
 There are a lot of things you should let get to you. This is not even remotely close to one of them. You were with someone who didn't care about you, and didn't respect you. Luckily, you no longer are, and are infinitely better off. Instead of starting the new year in a post-breakup haze, start it off with hope and the realization that you are now open to find someone worth your time, because he sure wasn't.
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