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Is he just using me?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 March 2010) 8 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, *arrah100980 writes:

Hi i have been going out with this guy for around six months. i really like him. we got on really well and never did a day do by without him texting me or us chatting.

He had been away for six seven week visiting his family he came back last week. he was away on valentines day he did not text me or get me any gifts whereas i bought him an aftershave and a stud for his ear, (quite expensive)

He came back and the day after he came back i had made plans for us to go out (ps we hadnt seen each other for 6 weeks) he made plans to go out with his friends instead and i was very annoyed at him, i told him and he said he would cancel his plans with his friends, i said no he should carry on if that is what he wanted. he went out with his friends.

he kept on texting and calling me that evening whether he could come over to my house at night to see me, i agreed cos i had missed him soo soo soo much

he came over and we chatted for about ten mins, we had oral sex and he went home this was on the thurs, i txt him on saturday to say if he wanted to do something he said he was busy with work.he then text me on sunday night asking if i was ok i asked him what he is up to and he said he was going out with his friends.

i then text him on monday and we had a chat i said that i was really annoyed that he wasnt making any time for me and that he was the same as the rest of the guys just after sex etc, etc... from monday to friday he ignored all my txts and calls . on friday he replied....and I asked him if he wanted to do somthing he replied in a joking way saying yeh sex! i was annoyed but i insisted we should go for a meal! we did and afterwards he asked if he could come to mine. i said yes and he came to my house and we had sex. I told him i loved him! he sort of mumbled it back to me!

The next day i text him and i said i had meant it and that if he didnt reply to my txt i would assume he didnt feel the same way. he replied "luv u" xxx

after that on sunday i text him during he day asking if he wanted to do something he said he was busy, and would txt me when he was free, i then text him saying why he never txt back to say he was free, so he txt back saying he was sorry. i asked what he was up to and he replied saying he was going for food with his friends... on sunday night i text him saying goodnight and that i loved him... he didnt reply.

Now it has been two days, tuesday today and i have not had a call or a txt from him. I am very tired of his attitude and conduct towards me,

what can i do change his behaviour and should i txt him or call him? or just straight dump him!!

View related questions: oral sex, text

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A female reader, dearkelja United States +, writes (1 April 2010):

dearkelja agony auntIt seems to me that he isn't really into you. Possibly he was in the beginning but when you tried so hard to control the relationship he pulled away. The more he pulls away, the more you tried to control his feelings.

What I don't like about the way he treated you was when he was out with his friends and then he called you to come over for sex and then went home. That is NO WAY to treat a lady.

I agree with the others. Stop calling, texting, etc. Wait at least a week and see if he contacts you. You need to back way, way off. Let him do some of the chasing.

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A male reader, beargrylls United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2010):

beargrylls agony aunthi there

not jumping to any conclusions but sounds like he is trying to let you down gently but still wants sex. actions speak louder. he will not tell you the truth. cut the sex and see what happens. good luck

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (31 March 2010):

Stayc63088 agony auntStop talking to him completely. You are coming off desperate and wayy too into him. He doesn't seem into you aside from the sex. Leave him alone, if he contacts you then explain to him that you feel a certain way about him, you won't be comfortable having sex anymore at the moment, and that you feel used. My guess is he will be long gone. But if he convinces you otherwise and that he does care (some guys will, thinking you don't actually mean it when you say no sex), you need to stick to it. DO NOT have sex with him again. Not until you are certain you are not being used. If you were worth it he would stick around whether you are having sex or not. Just cease contact and find out for yourself what he cares about.

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A male reader, Dekten Netherlands +, writes (31 March 2010):

Stop with the sex, simple as that.

You deserve a real partner.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (31 March 2010):

TimmD agony auntYou love somebody who does not love you back. Sorry. Dump him.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (31 March 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntHe is not the right material. Dump him and see if he will come after you . You will then know how much of you is in his heart.

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (31 March 2010):

Honeygirl agony auntSorry sweet, this guy is only into you because of the sex! What I am saying is that you are just a friend with benefits.

You dont sound happy with the situation at the moment, so I would suggest you move on with your life....but leave him behind.

Honeygirl

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A female reader, Myrrh United Kingdom +, writes (31 March 2010):

Myrrh agony auntId dump him if i were you. Hes not acting like your boyfriend at all. You seem to be doing all the running while he uses you for booty calls. Im sure you deserve much better than that! Dump him and find a good man x

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