A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a wonderful guy since the first of January. I have been divorced for 5 years, he has been divorced for 10. I have never met anyone who I have been more compatible with, except for one thing: I am ready for more of a permanent relationship--but I think he is happy to just go out once a week on Saturday nights. He does call me throughout the week, but he doesn't seem to want to see me more often. I'm sure it's not that he's seeing anyone else, I just think he has been single so long that he likes living alone. I don't. I'm tired of being single--even if he doesn't want to get married again, I would still like to live with him (although I would prefer being married). I guess the other problem is that we both have our own houses (and we both like our houses). I don't know what we would do about that, but I would be flexible and do whatever to work things out. Since we have only been dating 3 months, I'm afraid to bring this up (I don't want him to feel pressured). I just feel like after 3 months, if he wanted the same thing, we would have at least started seeing each other more often--or at least talked about being together in the future. What do you think? I know I shouldn't complain--he is the most thoughtful, considerate, kind person I have ever met. He has told me that he loves me--and that he loves being with me. It's not that he works long hours, either. He has had his work hours reduced because of the economy--and I have told him that I really miss him during the week and would like to see him more often. He said he misses me too, but doesn't do anything to change things. What should I do? Is it too soon to say anything?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2010): Okay, so if he does feel the same as I do, then do you think if I am patient and give it time, he will eventually want to be in a permanent, living together situation with me? Does everyone want to wake up every morning with the person they love beside them?Or are some people just so used to living alone that they will always want to live separate?I know it sounds like I am worrying about too much too soon, but I'm afraid to invest a lot of time in a situation that will lead to heartache if we don't want the same thing. I really love him a lot, but I will not be happy if I have to live the rest of my life alone. And yes, it still feels like I'm alone because I'm only seeing him once a week. I don't feel like we are a very big part of each other's lives living in this way. I know it's too soon to move in together or get married, but I feel like we should at least be spending more time together by now.
A
female
reader, bittersweetchicka +, writes (31 March 2010):
I hope you really stop and take my advice to heart, and it helps.
Ok 1st off, what happened in your 1st m-life relationship?
The reason I ask is even though this guy, seems so perfect right now your seeing all the stars and hearts. The relationship (3m) is just the begining. Woman who have not been treated w/love and respect tend to rush in to things and only see the stars instead of the "red flags"..
I know this fellow seems like your soul mate(ment to be).
If you truely belive that take your time don't rush into future enjoy the now of it..
Look it's like this most peeps like there bannas yellow, they don't rush to the store to buy and eat a green one - they wait till it is just right.. Dating is like that..
This guy sounds like he may not want to rush things or somthing is holding him at the same point(not wanting to move faster).. Which is good, pull out the red flag sheet in this time and rember what you don't want...
My advice is to take it slow if after 5/6 months it's not moving further, you will need to test the waters.. What do I mean you may be asking..
See if he get's jelouse, the best way to do that tactfully is just start talking about a guy coworker, read his body languge just drop that bomb here and there -see if there is any feelings there..
Then bring it up about seeing him more often, if you get the same response as you are now * with out doing it anymore - then I would think he is not wanting a more commited relationship w/you for whatever reason at that point.
If you bring it up it makes you klingy (even though you are not). Rember your suppose to be his diva, he should be coming to you...
I really hope the best for you and your prince charming..
Rember the keys - trust your gut, take your time, look for the red flags as well the hearts and stars, dont sell yourself short and rember your the diva.
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A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Hi there!
I think it's wonderful that you're found someone so lovely and so compatable. It sounds like he is a lovely person, who is just set in his ways. He must be happy taking things slow. It could be because he's been hurt before and doesn't want to risk it going wrong with you.
I can understand where you're coming from. You both really like each other, he's told you he loves you, so why doesn't he want to spend more time with you after 3 months?
My advice is, not to bring up moving in together just yet. If he is set in his ways this could be a scary thing for him. Plus it has only been 3 months and I believe its better to give a decision like that a bit more time, especially as you are both home owners. You dont want to rush in until you're both sure its the right decision. I'd wait another 3 months at least, maybe even until you've been together almost a year.
As for spending more time together, he says he misses you in the week but doesn't do anything about it. How about suggesting that the pair of you get together at one or the others home a couple of times a week? See how he reacts. He could just be set in his ways or unsure of how to take things further. Invite him round to watch a movie mid week or something and take it from there.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Little Red Hen  +, writes (31 March 2010):
Three months is not a long time.
I think it's great that you know what you want, and you do say that you two are great together except for this One Thing...but let's be honest. It's a Very Very Big Thing, isn't it.
Always remember this. Love is not a feeling. Love is What You Do. If you've made your needs clear and he chooses not to meet tham.... how loving is that?
Are you certain that you have made your needs/wishes clear?
Just so there's no doubt. You can state your wishes explicitly - but it does seem like a fledgling relationship, as yet.
Again, you're in a great place if you know what you want. More power to you!
But if he misses you, as he says - what's he doing about it?
Perhaps he's set in his ways....
...or a Hardcore Gamer.....
....the possibilities are endless, really. But the only thing that matters, at the end of the day, is what he and you actually do about the isues at hand....
My advice, is to made your needs and wishes known.
..and just see what happens next.
Keep posting, let us know!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I think he needs more time to contemplate on your request. Possibly , he may have to give up some of his time for you and he will have to decide which day is available.
Or you could just drop in at his place when you feel a need to talk or be near him.
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