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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: A guy I was dating told me he didn't want to date me anymore because I still live at home (I'm 28) but I work full time and I pay my parents rent, and I am in school part time to be a nurse. I already have my Bachelor Degree in elementary education, but didn't get a job in that and teaching didn't pay enough, so I'm going back to school. He, on the other hand, smokes pot all the time, never went to college, but does own his own condo and works in Sales at Costco. He's 31 and has worked there 10 years so makes 50K. He used to sell pot, and that's how he owns 3 nice cars. He told me I was unstable because I live at home, but I don't do drugs and I have a lot going for me! He said he wanted to be able to come to my house to watch movies, but since i live with my parents he can't do that. Was this really a reason not to date me? I'm moving out in about 2 months anyway, and I'm taking a student loan out. Am I really a loser? Just last week he said I was too good for him, and how he hates that he didn't go to college, and he hates himself and his job, and doesn't know why I would like him. Is he just projecting his insecurities onto me so he can feel better about himself? I have felt so down about what he said.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Why are you wondering if you're a loser? OMG....really, you cannot compare yourself to him. You are so much more than you think you are. Open your eyes. Really. You are intelligent with a good head on your shoulders. You look to the future and want to make a better life for you. There is really nothing wrong with you with the one exception - you not believing in yourself enough to know that you don't need someone by your side putting you down or making you feel down (but then again, wasn't there a saying about "You can't make someone make you feel bad unless you allow them to"...well it's something like that, but the sentiment is true. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You graduated from college with an education degree. Gosh...that says something, right? Be kind to yourself, love yourself, believe in yourself and know that you are an awesome woman with a good head on her shoulders.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Darling, you need to take your self esteem to the repair shop and get it fixed. You suspect you could be a loser , with all your past accomplishments and future perspectives, - because a pothead drug -dealer Costo clerk says so ?? Absurd.
He is just taking your living situation as an excuse to break up- since HE has his own place, what's the problem, could you not hang out at his place ? Maybe he was just not that into you. Which you don't have to regret , because I am sure you can find someone much better , and better matched with your mindset.
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy  +, writes (1 April 2011):
 It definitely seems like he's searching for reasons to break up at any rate. It might be projecting his own insecurities or some other motive, but whatever the cause, you don't sound like a loser to me. Don't let him get you down, and continue to pursue your dreams.Best of Luck
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female
reader, coolbeans +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Sounds like you two are not compatible. I don't think either of you are "losers", just living life differently. He probably has issues with your parents' house b/c he wants to smoke pot and watch movies but can't at your parents' place. You living at home and contributing to your family who cared for you is nothing shameful. In fact, it's only in the US that this is considered "embarrassing". Many other cultures live at home until married or even after!It also sounds like you disagree with his pot smoking. Just cut your losses with this guy. He's obviously bitter about his choices and your accomplishments and misery loves company.I hope you're not taking out a student loan and moving out just to feel like less of a "loser". Bad financial choice if so.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011): Your way too good for him
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (1 April 2011):
 Sounds like he's the one feeling like a loser. By calling you one for the only thing that you don't have that he does, he makes himself feel better. It's the same way the bullies in elementary school operated. In this economy it's totally normal to live with your parents for awhile in your 20s. Something like 60% of college grads do that. Don't for a second think you are a loser. This guy sounds like the loser, as in no great loss to you if you lose him. My guess is he wanted to break up with you since you were making him feel bad with how motivated you are, not because he actually thinks badly of you.
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