A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm bi not out! Please read full storyI started seeing this guy in September 2015 and it was great but after a couple of weeks he started to tell me he had feelings for me. I continued to hide back my feelings and made him continue looking for other guys cause I couldn't commit. We eventually had sex and I freaked out cause he said his falling in love with me. I stopped talking to him for a week ignoring his messages etc. A week gone by I had my head together and started talking to him. He had met another guy. We met as usual until A big scenario happened and I couldn't see him at all for December. I kept asking if him and the guy were serious and he said no they wasn't. We finally met up New Year's Day had sex etc. He then let me down on several meets and then he ended it with me. I was kinda distraught taking it bad but eventually we spoke and things went back to normal. We've met a few times but I've been let down a lot and I get mad at him. I've asked him several times to end it abs he says he don't want to. We've told each other we love one another and we literally talk and kiss and cuddle for hours and the sex always feels intimate rather than just sex. I see him last night and after sex he kissed me and told me he really loves me. We tell each other we love each other all through sex. And he has said his never had this connection with someone before. I feel like he means it but I just don't know if he meant it would he let me down. Everytime I see him or talk to him there's always a negative about his boyfriend who he says he don't have have sex with and I do believe him as its for a medical reason. But he says the kissing and oral don't compete with what we have. He always says his thinking of ending it with his boyfriend for various reasons but I don't know if he means it. He says he feels sometimes it's about money with his boyfriend. He says he feels bad for letting me down but don't want drama or upset his boyfriend.Anyway yesterday I said if I did come out what would that mean for us so he replied what would I want it to mean? Then said don't just come out for me do it when your ready. Was that genuine or was it that he don't want to choose between me and his boyfriend. I do love him and when I'm with him I feel so secure but cause he don't always talk in front of his boyfriend I can't speak or text him as much as I want to cause he won't reply. I just don't know what to do I hate this feeling like I'm losing him but I'm so uncertain if he'd choose him does it sound like his genuine I think he is.
View related questions:
kissing, money, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 May 2016):
The surest way to test for something is to withhold it from the experiment and see what changes.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 It's sex. Actions speak louder than words. He can say all the sweet things he wants, but when, at the end of the day, he still has a bf, and STAYS with his bf , and has to keep you hidden from him, well, isn't it rather self evident how the land lies ?
...............................
A
female
reader, mintrablooms +, writes (2 May 2016):
I totally agree with janniepeg. He might mean the emotion but it really sounds like he's staying with his bf.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 You are in a "can't win" situation. Although I feel your anxiety I see you're ONLY future is with another guy. I get it that you have strong feelings for him but he is now and will always be conflicted. I have nothing against his being bi. and all but for your sake you should be looking for some other lifestyle. There are millions of great guys out there that have less 'baggage" My advice to you is to look for a more traditional relationship rather than to try and force-fit an awkward trio into your future.
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 A lot of people stay in passionless marriages because of money. I believe what he said to you it's true but money is more important in his life right now. It's not as if he had a choice. It would be very hard to leave him if he's sick. Compassion and gratefulness is what would make him stay. You may feel secure as the "other man" but if you got serious with him I don't know if you would feel as secure. I know for sure that I would not, to be with a person who can lie to their partners.
When you say "I love you," it matters who you say it to. The officalness of a relationship often is connected to the dollar sign (such as I will take care of you, or we will share mortgage, insurance together), and meeting family members and friends. Just verbal confirmation is not enough. Without the practicalities of life, love is just an escape and a fantasy.
...............................
|
