A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello, and thanks in advance for your advice you are able to offer.I was together with my partner for 16 months. It was a long distance thing, and we saw each other most weekends.Were have been apart for six weeks new, he finished it with me.Since then we have had a bit of contact to say good-byes over text, haven't spoken. We've had contact about returning our stuff and now have completed that.I find myself dwelling on things. Every now and then I send a message, he responds, but even though he has admitted when I've asked if he misses me that he does, and asked if he regrets ending things he's said words to the affect of at times yes, he isn't indicating he wants a reconciliation. I hurt badly at times. I mean I can get in with life, but I feel a sadness...I know the advise will probably be to block and not contact, but I find it too difficult. Why is he responding at all? Why say he misses me etc and even That he thinks of me ever day- is he just being nice and honest with his feelings. There's just times when I hurt so badly, I fell in love with this man.
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fell in love, long distance, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2016): Hi again guys. I'm the original poster. Really appreciate your advice and feedback. You are right I know, my poor heart is very bruised right now...god it hurts when someone you love doesn't want you...
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 May 2016):
 totally agree with all the previous posters
a break up does NOT have to be mean. it can be "you are a great person but it's not working out for whatever reason and I'm not willing to make the effort to see if we can fix it, so no I don't want to date you but as a person in general you are A-OK"
He's being kind to you.
He may even like you as a person but not want you as a partner. why should he ignore you?
You contacting him is only hurting YOU. He may very well miss you, he may very well still think of you every day, he may even think about getting back with you here and there and then go "NAW"...but he does not hate you nor does he wish you harm.
Our advice is to help YOU.... I think that for YOU to heal YOU need to accept that going NO CONTACT will be the best for YOU.
It's ok to miss him and hurt and wonder but he's not coming back.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Why not ? You contact him, he answers.
He has dumped you but that does not mean that he must hate you or mistreat you , unless you make a nuisance of yourself.
But if all you do is dropping a message every now and then, he feels that he can afford to be nice and compassionate, and to not hurt your feelings as he would do if he just blanked you out.
I think he goes by the principle " no need to shoot at flies with a cannon ". As long as you don't flood him with messages, or make too heavy emotional demands, he feels like the proper thing to do is answering. Which does not mean he is eager for a reconciliation, which he has not shown to want.
You can miss people AND , for a series of reasons, not wanting them in your life, at least as a steady partner.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Probably because he is polite in knowing that you are hurting so to ignore you would be a harshness he doesn't think you deserve. Not all break ups have to be bad and warrant bad behaviour. Maybe he is truthful when he says he misses you but not in the context in which you are hoping. Instead, the company. Next time you feel the need to be in contact,first think about what you aim to get out of it and if you already know the answer- then don't do it. Try and get busy with other things to keep your mind from dwelling- hard perhaps but a necessity to assist with a broken heart.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 May 2016):
 Why? Because while he wanted to move on "relationship wise" he likes the familiarity of having you "around" to talk to, and MAYBE he also feels a bit guilty for dumping you. Another thing could be that he is keeping his options open, keeping you "around" in case the next GF doesn't work out.
I think you will have a HARD time to get over this guy if you keep hanging onto him, and it WILL be painful when he starts dating someone else. (and I think he will sooner rather than later).
People deal with break ups in different ways. Your way is to live in "denial" for a while. And while THAT might work for you short term, it won't long term.
It's not like you two are "friends" now. There are still feelings going on and honestly, I fell like him stringing you along is not fair on you.
I guess you HAVE to come to a point where YOU want to move on, right now? Isn't the time, apparently.
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