A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I let myself be used and abused willing by a ramdon guy i've know for a little while, now i'm pregnant - the thing is he has a kid and we joked about having kids, not that i really thought anything of that, kids were the last thing on my mind. It wasn't planned but i couldn't get rid of my child now that he/she is here however selfish that makes me, i want to be a mummy to this little child. The guy is funny and jokey but a complete idiotic tool really - thus i can't believe whay an idiot i was sleeping with him. Also to say he has a kid, he's been avoiding talking to me or giving me any type of response when ever i mention the baby. It was not my intention to trap him or force parenthood on him if he doesn't want it but the fact that he can't even be bothered to give me an opinion whether good or bad about the situation suggests he doesn't want any part of this. Maybe he is in shock and denial i dunno but he has had a few weeks to wrap his head around this - so why isn't he giving me any sort of feedback cos its making me worried and insecure when i already am suffering slightly with pregnancy related issues. I don't need the added stress. Basically since everytime i mention it he cramps up, i was wondering whether i should stop mentioning it - to give him time and space. I would really like my kid to know his/her father however if he continues to be jerky for the next 7 months then i am considering just cutting my losses - i am not saying my kid will never know his dad but basically if he can't get his act together then i am prepared to do this alone. I know i sound super selfish and impatience but he's frusting me so much and i can't believe he doesn't love or is curious about something which i would give my life up for right now - he's got a kid already, he knows whats involued, i just want an opinion or an emotion, something to say he wants in or wants out or is too f**ked up to speak .... anything, its better than nothing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2010): i was right - he was an idiotic tool - he's walked out of my life and blocked me from all contact with him. I am able to do this alone and i shall not be seeking support because he obviously wants nothing to do with us and also, i don't want to give him any rights - if i seek for support then i have to list him as the father, i am willing for him to be in the kid's life if he wants to be but with hus behvaiour over the last couple of months, i don't want him to have equal rights and perhaps challenge my right to keep the child in my custory later in life - he's walked thus he forfeits it in my opinion. I can cope money wise alone, it'll be hard but i can do it - we may never be rish but we'll always have food on the table and a place to call home. thank my lucky stars i have a brilliant family - i feel sorry for those lasses who have to do it alone with no one, never mind no baby daddy. we'll be okay.
A
female
reader, meg2989  +, writes (18 January 2010):
 He may need more time, but he could be in denial. If he doesn't step up in a few months I would agree with you that you sould just cut your losses but DO provide an "open door" so to speak, for him to be a father, if infact he does decide to step up. As far as child support, my ideas on it are this: If he didn't want the baby from the begining, and protection was used, but still resulted in pregnancy and he never wanted anything to do with the baby from the begining, then I would not go after child support, but thats just me. I think men should step up and be there for their children, but sometimes forcing them to be there for their child is worse than raising the child yourself. ( although I understand if you need help financially, babies are a lot of money) However if he knew he didn't want to have a baby, but did not use any form of contraception to prevent it, then in my opinion pregnancy was inevitable, and he should have given it some thought before he decided to have unprotected sex with you. Thats when I would go for child support. If he always wanted to be there for the child from the begining, and wanted the baby as well then I believe that everything between you both should be shared. 50 - 50. For example diapers, take turns buying them every month, or every other week whatever works, something like that. As long as he is making an effort to support his baby, then don't go for child support, especially if he's really trying share expenses and take care of the baby. Those are just my thoughts though, you do what ever you need to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010): Hes probably still in shock and clearly by his distance, hes not interested in another child right now. It doesnt sound as if you will be able to rely on him to be a perfect father or provider. Im afraid if you chose to get pregnant by an `idiotic tool` as you call him, you cant really expect much from him. Its best to just go forward with the pregnacy alone and leave him to do his thing. Otherwise you will just upset yourself worrying about this `tool` when hes clearly not worth it. Theres a baby on the way now, concentrate on that and sorting out financial support for the baby thru court. All the best
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (18 January 2010):
Yes, it sounds like he's in denial. It might be that he comes around at some point. Though you think you're selfish, you're really not. It took two to make that baby, so he has his responsibility. So even if he doesn't come around, make sure he pays what is owed to the baby.
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