A
female
age
41-50,
*ardia
writes:I was present in this relationship from day one. I stepped through the door of committment and closed it behind me. He always had one foot out the door and never did anything to make me think he truly wanted this. I was there for him during some major life crisis situations. I supported him financially when he was out of work. I let him use my car and I carted him to and from work when he was without transportation. The list of what I did for this relationship is very long.He bared his true soul last weekend. The clinching phrase he said was, "You satisfy me, but..." I don't remember the rest of what he said because that "but" shouldn't be there if I truly satisfied him. He begged and pleaded for me (Monday night to Tuesday evening) to stay in his life, that he couldn't live without me. I finally spelled out everything--all the concrete reasons I couldn't be with him (mostly because he wants his cake--wants me as a playmate). I pointed out many things about his life he needed to change or every other relationship in his life will end this way. He currently has two friends. Period. Little contact with family. A Facebook page full of cute girls. But only two friends (both girls). They told him to shape up a long time ago and not to jerk me around because I wouldn't put up with it. He didn't. I pointed all sorts of things out to him (I'd done it before, more gently, but it seems that only a sharp blow to the head gets any reaction from him). And he blocked me on Facebook. Really? For as much as he's said this year and especially in the last couple of days about never living without me, he gives up just like that, just because his poor little ego got bruised with the harsh truth that he needs to grow up and take responsibility for his entire life?! So why do I feel so bad? Like I did something wrong? Yes, there are 2 sides to every story. But even his friends side with me because they've seen how little respect and care he had for my precious heart. And I was so very careful with his. I love him still. But I don't think we can ever reconcile this. But how could he shut down so completely and not even attempt to chase after me? He chased me for 24 hours. I chased him for over 365 days.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 My hackles would have been raised one word back. Not " but ". " Satisfy ".
Satisfy ? Good hotel service can satisfy you. A hooker can satisfy you . Masturbation can satisfy you.
A relationship should not be about finding someone who'll satisfy your demands, but about MUTUAL love and care.
His reaction was not, IMO, a matter of hurt pride, or only partially. It's a matter of calculating a costs/ benefits ratio and being willing to make only so much effort and not one inch more.
Of course he'd get obvious advantages by you staying in his life : apparently, financially too. He would not have to worry about losing his job, for instance. And of course he is willing to sweat it a little to maintan these advantages. Like, a good 24 hours of " I love you I miss you ". But, you ask REAL change, real effort, real commitment, and that for him is too much work and makes the situation not so appealing anymore.
Let him go, he just wasn't, or has become," not that into you ". It may hurt right now, but if you really had to chase him 365 days a year, then it was no big loss. You want to have a relationship, I guess, not to play Tweetie and Sylvester.
A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (6 January 2012):
 From what you wrote it sounds like you did your bit to correct him and try to put him back on track with the relationship.
It sounds like maybe he wasn't in the right place from the start. Like he just went with it, maybe even tried but there was always something there. You put it right when you said he always had one foot out.
I guess some people are just not ready for full commitment and unfortunately just go along and get used to a routine thinking that is enough. When it comes down to what a true relationship should be about, they take the easy way out and make a break for it.
For someone to be truly in a relationship they must at least try to be there in any way they are capable of.
What he is doing seems real immature. It sounds like you did the right thing. You can follow it up with another conversation just to reinforce what you have said and make it clear that this would be it if things don't change.
You know best. If you think there's a possibility of change then maybe let him have a go. Otherwise it might be best for the both of you to move on from a one sided relationship.
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