A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All. I have been friends with this guy for over 2 years now(he's 7 yrs older if that matters). we had a "mini relationship" for the first year then broke up because he doesn't want a relationship and i felt i was getting too attached emotionally to continue things without emotional security but i told him that i still care for him as a friend and if he ever needs me i'm here for him( i meant emotionally)he tried to get me back a few times over the last spring or summer but i kept my distance. This past september he contacted me again telling me he was going away on a trip. i asked him with whom and he said alone. he seamed really sweet and needy so i invited him over for dinner. when he came over we hugged and i asked him how things with girls are going. he said there were no girls exept for the one he was about to hug (me) After dinner we talked about lots of stuff including his upcoming trip. I got the feeling he was hiding something so i left him lone after that. before he left i sent him a small have a great trip email and he responded right away with a thank you sweetheart, ill see you when i get back email. Now, almost 2 months after he's returned he contacted me again and asked me out for coffee but hinted that he wants to start things up again and how excited he is about seing me again. I am really excited about seing him but something is telling me that he has a gf and they went on the trip together and she wants things to get more serious and thats why hes freaking out and keeping me around. Am i crazy or is intuition ever correct and what should i do? Please help me, i dont know how to proceed with this.Thank you all so much
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell everyone.......I met him for coffee....it was good it fewlt comfortable we huged, i tolted hi about whats new in my life he told me about his trip, things felt good so i asked him if he wanted to come up and hand out at my place for a bit, we did and hung out on the couch just talking and cuddling nothing else happened.....we talked about "us".....then when he had to eave we hugged lots and said goodbye. I feel good about the meeting but I'm still unsure. Is it a lack of confidence on my part, is that why i feel so needy and need so much reassurance? why can't i just enjoy the time we spend together? Have i fallen harder then I even realize and i'm so afraid of his rejection that I make myself believe hes not a good guy to help myself detach? thx:)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your advice. For now i will listen to all of you in a way i guess. I will see him for coffee as planned but i will have my guard up and act friendly not agressive but ask lots of questions about him trip.......etc. It's hard to say untill i see him. I understand of course that if he is playing me he will not admit to it as he knows i would walk away. I will give him a chance and see how things go when i see him. I will let you al know, thank you all again soooooo much.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 You already know he is a commitment phobe. Even though the fact your gut feeling is that he is seeing someone is relivant, I think its more a case that you need to decide if anything has changed since you split? Otherwise whats going to be any different this time round?
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, sparkleworks  +, writes (7 December 2008):
 While it's true that intuition is often correct, it doesn't sound like you have a lot to go on in this case. You said you got the feeling he was hiding something before he left for his trip, and you may well be right about that, but that was over two months ago... maybe he did have a girlfriend, but it's over?
Best thing you can do would be to keep it friendly and casual, ask him as many questions as possible about his trip, what he's doing now, plans for the immediate future... in a 'politely interested' way. If he's giving off the same vibes that you got before he left, then yes, he might be hiding something. But there's always the chance that he's genuinely missed you and wants to spend time together!
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