A
female
age
41-50,
*airygal77
writes:Ive been with my husband for around 5 yrs now and I can tell he's unhappy. Seems depressed alot and then all of a sudden about a week ago he started talking to a girl on a web-site and now he jumps up out of bed and cant wait to email her....this went bk and forth until I found these emails and I asked him to please stop....the same day he still replied to her message (they arent really talking about nothing major other than having crushes when they was younger and just a little flirting but what bothers me is that I asked him not to and he still talked to her anwyay...which has now resulted in huge fight and he's trying to turn the blame towards me (like Im crazy) What was he wanting out of this friendship? Is he just flattered or is my marriage really in trouble?? Please help...Everything I say is wrong now and we are barely talking..Tell me what to do?? This is just so out of character for him...mid-life frisis maybe??
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male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (27 January 2011):
Fairygal, I think you need to sit down with hubby and ask him what it is that this other woman supplied that he wasn't getting in the marriage. But, to answer your question, yes...I think in the final analysis that most men simply want to feel appreciated. It is so easy for a couple to fall into a rut where neither person is really participating in the marriage or appreciating each other. Sure, they live together and they go through the motions, but things that should be said go unsaid, things that should be done, go undone. In my opinion, marriage is a state of mind -- not a piece of paper. For the marriage to work, the couple has to be emotionally connected to each other. This requires active participation in each other's lives. Good luck.
A
female
reader, fairygal77 +, writes (27 January 2011):
fairygal77 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who replied and u had sum great suggestions....we have talked thru this one and he isnt talking to her anymore and the only time he finally "got it" that he was in the wrong was when for one I said I wld leave him if this continued and for him to put hiself in my shoes (in other words dont be doing things like this to me if you wouldnt want me to do it to you!! Things are getting better but I want to keep him from wanting an emotional affair so my question is to men: How does a woman keep you emtionally fulfilled? Is it appreciation men want or what?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Shifting the blame onto you? Yes I have been here,its like saying "i will do what i like whether it hurts you or not" It has nothing to do with anything except a desire to venture. He probably has convinced himself its your fault,turned his ears to block anything true. It will frustrate you. Theres not a lot you can do really,either live with him and accept it,or leave. Me,I did think it may stop,it didnt. I left.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (25 January 2011):
 If he can't see how this hurts you, emotionally, and your relationship then he is NOT worth having around. if you have no other obligations (ie. children) I would honestly threaten to leave, it is more than inappropriate for a married man to act like a teenager, it is so disrespectful that I would not tolerate it.
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A
male
reader, Kilcardy +, writes (25 January 2011):
I agree with Kenny. You're marriage is in trouble. Your hubby is having an emotional affair with another woman. Something is missing between the two of you. Get your hubby to see the reality of the situation. This isn't harmless goofing around. These types of things snowball until the person involved in the EA is tempted to ratchet it up a notch and make it a physical affair. Prior to that, the marriage takes a hit big-time because the cheating spouse is disengaging from the marriage and putting all of their emotional energy into someone else. It's really an insidious sort of thing that can sneak up on a couple before they know what even hit them. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (25 January 2011):
 It sounds like your marriage is in trouble. Ultimately he in the begginning stages of starting a new relationship with someone else, and right under your nose. You have asked him to stop, which of course anyone would have done, and he has blatatly carried on talking to her. I feel if it goes on it is going to progress and they will end up meeting one another. I think you need to lay it down here, be firm and strong and tell him that if this carries on you will leave him, let him know you mean it and give him something to think about.
Good luck
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