A
female
age
36-40,
*nglorified
writes:Okay here goes, it will be long winded but I need to know once and for all, Im really losing my patience.About 5 months ago a new tenant moved into our house, hes very handsome and I was attracted to him instantly.Initially there was alot of flirting between us and one day he ended up sleeping in the same bed as me. He did want sex but I refused. After this encounter I completely backed off as I didnt intend to mislead him in any way. However he continued to be sexual around me and at one time I snapped and told him in angst amongst other things I felt violated with his behaviour. He left the house and didnt return for a few days, upon his arrival we greeted each other and didnt really speak of the conflict we had.Since that day, he has been very respectful, and recently (past month) he started hanging out with me again from time to time. (Mind you he has never asked me out, hanging out is usually in the house), amongst serious conversations we had a talk and I made clear I was not interested in casual sexual encounters and prefer to spend time with a person before anything progresses further. He said he respected that and when he felt ready to commit, he would definitely try and work with me. This to me seemed okay so I left it at that.Since then he has become very respectful and open about himself, the other day I had a picture on my blackberry and he messaged me saying the following "that is one of the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen" He even told me in person FOUR times (lol) and he showed his mother and sister my picture too. Now obviously I will get the wrong impression here.Prior to this he has said "If I was ready to settle down, you would be the perfect wife for me".Since last week Ive noticed further changes, hes being attentive, noticing little details and being generally nice.The other evening I put candles on the stairs and offered to light them up for him to see how beautiful it looked. He said no and started rummaging in his pockets. He said he was looking for a lighter so he can light them up as he walks up the stairs for me. Deep down I was very impressed/touched but out of reflex I shrugged it off and said "nm" and lit them myself.Could I have possibly put him off?Since then hes been busy (I assume), its coming to two weeks hes hardly home but he never responds to my text messsages either.Makes me wonder, does he only talk to me/spend time with me when hes bored?Am I looking into things too much?Also I will be honest, Im very bad at picking up signals and I also dont give out many signals either, im very protective over my feelings.Also he has a "needs" buddy currently.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, unglorified +, writes (17 April 2011):
unglorified is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis chapter is officially closed.
He was not serious at all.
I can confirm because his bbm status says "I have nothing to hide and I admit I miss my boo"
I think that's enough clarification.
I feel SO heartbroken right now but I know its time to call it a day.
A
female
reader, unglorified +, writes (16 April 2011):
unglorified is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhonestly, I cant get him out of my head and I dont have the confidence to say anything.We speak to each other but theres no real effort on his part.After the initial issues between us, I lost trust in the whole situation and I think deep down he also realises it's all super complicated now.My friends want me to open up and tell him how I feel, this is the only way to move on but I dont have the confidence and I dont like being vulnerable.
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A
male
reader, curious-borg  +, writes (15 April 2011):
I think he likes you but you are "too difficult" so he is doing what he can to make his life work for him.
I dont know how you would go about being "serious" with him.
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A
female
reader, unglorified +, writes (12 April 2011):
unglorified is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Daniel - You are right.
Im closing this chapter altogether
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (12 April 2011):
 I think you should not get involved with this guy.
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A
female
reader, unglorified +, writes (11 April 2011):
unglorified is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe left me a gift before he left which was a book on a subject im very passionate about. These little gestures are keeping me hooked.
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A
female
reader, unglorified +, writes (10 April 2011):
unglorified is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwhat for? I won't lie but it's working and I do feel jealous and infuriated although Im great at concealing.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 April 2011):
I believe he's teasing you.
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A
female
reader, unglorified +, writes (9 April 2011):
unglorified is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTheres been an interesting turn to this whole story and just as I tried to get over it. It gets confusing again.Hes now moved out a few days ago and asked to stay in contact which is fine by me.He's also been very nice to me when he messages me too on 'BB' (blackberry chat)... what Im confused with is hes trying to make me jealous it seems.I had a few pictures of myself with a male and we had some harmless banter where I made comment which is obvious to anyone I was joking "the love for my man is more than the love you have for whomever".. he laughed and within minutes put up a picture of another female on his display.I asked if it was his gf but he chose to ignore and started changing the pictures of the same female on his display.Am I looking too much into this by thinking hes making me jealous? He's never put up pictures of females on his display.The fact that he speaks to me everytime but refuses to tell me whether its his girl makes me wonder hmmm.He also keeps asking me marriage questions again and again.If I ever tease him and make jokes in regards to women with him, he becomes super defensive and loses his touch of humour. (not him to be serious)argh, please help me clarify.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (5 April 2011):
I think the key here is his saying that you'd be the person to marry if he were ready to marry. That speaks volumes.
He's been respectful because you refused to have sex with him. He's behaving. If you give him the opportunity, he will naturally grasp it. But I am not quite sure he would want you for a serious relationship, not necessarily one that would inevitably lead to marriage. He knows you're free, yet he doesn't make a move.
He might be a good guy, but I don't think he has "good" intentions. I'm not sure he would go for you as a formal girfriend and all.
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A
female
reader, unglorified +, writes (5 April 2011):
unglorified is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think you guys are right. Im being silly and should just forget about it.
Perhaps hes just being genuinely nice and realises his limits, and Im looking too much into it.
Question for PartyBoy - can a mans feelings towards a woman change from physical to emotional? I wont hold hopes with this guy but just curious really.
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A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Yes, you are looking into things too much. And if you're asking if he's interested in a proper relationship with you, my answer is no.
He started off being very sexual with you. You then let him share your bed and then retracted and said you don't sleep around. He knew he wouldn't get any from you so he backed off.
I don't think his politeness has much to do with anything. He has clearly told you that he is not ready for a mature and committed relationship (If I was ready to settle down...), he has a 'needs' buddy and he never responds to your texts. I don't know how much clearer it can get.
You're obviously interested in him and you're chosing to ignore these things and hang on to little bits and pieces here and there (the candles, the picture) which to you seem like signs he's interested.
If he was genuine and was looking for a girlfriend, he would have told you so, he would not have been so sexual with you at the beginning, he would not be ignoring your texts and he would have asked you out on a proper date.
Sorry if I'm blunt but I think you should turn your attentions elsewhere.
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A
male
reader, Partyboy123  +, writes (5 April 2011):
 Well.... since i am a guy i might be able to help you out :)
First things first... he wanted sex without really getting to know you right? After you said no the first time, and he tried again and you snapped on him, he probably got the impression that you were not like that at all and figured he would have to sweet talk you into liking him just so he could get in your pants... i know a lot of guys like this that will do anything to get laid because they are just pigs, its total B.S. and i think hes not interested in a emotional relationship, just a physical one.
in all honesty, i would talk to him about it, ask him what he wants... you never know he might be a nice guy after all, but it certainly does not look that way.
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