A
female
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anonymous
writes:Hello all...I will try to keep this short... :)I have been seeing this man from NZ for over a year now, and things have been great, we spent 9 days together and everything was amazing..Anyways I recently got an invitation to a website called "tagged" and I joined because my aunt had asked me. ANyways it goes through your email contacts and tells you if any of your friends had joined...My BF had a page!I was shocked, but I decided to check it out anyways because maybe he had forgotten about it, gotten bored with it, whatever.It had his current location which I thought was odd because he didn't have access to a computet for the past year... Anyways it also had some poetry I had written to him when we first met. I felt violated because it was a very personal poem and I didn't expect to see it posted on the internet!He also had a friend listed who he had told me died of cancer years ago. We never talked about her, but it was her picture.I texted him and asked him about it, he swears he hasn't used the page, that he got invited, joined and just got bored with it. But the page says he was last active 3 days ago!I want to trust him, I love him so much but I don't understand. He says an ex hacked into his page and was probably trying to get back at him for dumping her, that SHE set up the dead woman's page and everyrhing to mess with him not knowing that he didn't use the site....But that doesn't explain the poem I had written to him... I asked him about it and he just deleted the page. I'm not sure if I should take that as consideration for my feelings because he was so quick to do it even tho I never asked him to delete it...Or if I should feel like he is hiding something from me and decided to just... stop me from asking questions??Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWE met on myspace...lol
and we started out just...talking innocently enough..then it just got to be hours on the phone chatting I mean 7-8 hours at a time!
we just saw eachother for the 9 days on march 8th :)
we've known eachother over a year now...I'm 27...he's 39 :)
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 I'm a big believer in paying attention to that little voice in your head that tells you somethings up. Women's intuition, sixth-sense, or whatever. If you are having concerns, I would take it slowly and keep your eyes and ears open. The reason why I mentioned that a long distance relationship is hard is that you miss out on a lot of the conversation when you are not seeing eyes, body language, etc. I have had MANY separations from my traveling spouse over the years, so I am well aware of the pitfalls, yikes. In total, we have had separations of 18 months, 4 months and 1 year while raising our children, between Holland, Canada, England and the US, not to mention constant, general business travel. Currently, he is in a company that includes both Americas (I'm hoping to see a bit of South America out of this...).
If you don't mind indulging me, I was just curious, how do you know him? At what point in the relationship did you spend the 9 days together? Did you meet in person or on line? Also, could you tell us your ages? I would move to NZ in a heartbeat, it's so beautiful there - but I would want to be 100% sure of the relationship before I'd relocate for another person, especially if I had a few worries about his behavior. I would be concerned if I thought he was deleting the page to put an end to the subject, to finish the incident or to hide it, but not if he simply thought that you wanted him to delete it. I would probably still be concerned that he published a personal poem on line though - I'm not sure that I would publish a poem from my husband on my facebook page - although it would sure freak out my kids! Ha!
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female
reader, Gena Bullock +, writes (31 March 2008):
 It seems he's been found out!
He has a past and you were a part of it online. I'd be questioning him too, if I were you. Your findings were innocent enough, so if he's being honest and cares, he'll spill the beans or let him fly a kite!
Gena
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
I was shocked at seeing the page, but had I not seen the poem I probably would have teased him about it or something...
Granted, I did write the poem when we first met, and if he hadn't used the site in a over a year...well..that is the right time-frame...
Birdynumnums...We have alot to take on with an LDR, but honestly it is just fianances that are the reason I don't move to be with him..which is what I want to do...
I am wondering if he deleted the page because he thought that was what I wanted?
I looked at all his friend pages before he deleted them...and I didn't see a single comment to anyone from him aside from one on the page of the girl he said died....seems off to me somehow....
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (31 March 2008):
If you have only known each other by e-mail and been together for 9 days in total, that's not really enough time to truly know someone else, especially in a LDR, in my opinion. If the poem that you wrote was put on line under his name, and he denies any part it, I would be concerned about some of the half-truths that he has been telling you. Even if someone hacked into his site, the only person who had access to your poem was him. Most people wouldn't publish a love poem on line if it was written to them. It's interesting that an old love interest that died of cancer is still on his page and that an ex would be so vindictive that she wanted to make trouble for him. Is he a bit of a player? (It kind of sprung to mind from all the ex's...) That's a red flag to me. You have a lot of reasons here to be suspicious and not trust that he is telling you the truth, I'm afraid. I wouldn't write him off, but I would be watching him very carefully. I hope you'll forgive the bluntness, but I'm assuming that you want to hear a few different opinions on the matter, bad as well as good. Hope things work out for you in any event, Take care!
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 Well, he is obviously lying and being really bad at it too.
The site itself seems to be a social site, not a dating site, more a myspace wannabe.
So that raises the question, why? And why did he delete his page?
Don't know, but his actions show whatever his motives he doesn't think they stand up to your scrutiny.
It is more his reaction that raises a red flag then him having a page on a social site.
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female
reader, meggiej  +, writes (31 March 2008):
 Tell him another secret, tell him not to tell anyone. But this secret is a small secret (dont tel him that it is a small secret, just a normal secret).If he keeps the secret then you know you can trust him. If he doesn't then you might want to break up with him.
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