A
female
age
26-29,
*maloid
writes:I'm 13 years old and i went on holiday to turkey and met a nice man over there.He liked my family and my family liked him. On the last day of the holiday he wanted to take me to the beach but parents wouldnt let me for obvious reasons such as we had only known him 10 days. After the holiday we kept in touch, he talks to me every day he says he loves me and that he wants to get married to me in 4 years because he has to go to the army in december. He really compliments me and is so lovely. My nan is a social worker who told me not to marry a turkish man because they all end up being the same, marrying an english woman to get a visa or something, have loads of babies then leave the woman on her own. I cant tell if he will be the same. He is so lovely though, I dont know what to do ..please help.. he is 21...
View related questions:
on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Cloverfield +, writes (12 August 2010):
 Seriously girl, he's either a paedophile or is using your naivety to try to get himself a visa..... either way, steer clear!
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Steer clear. I don't want to tar all Turkish men with the same brush, but what your nan says is spot-on. This is not only common behaviour, but at a certain level, absolutely perverted.
Stop this right now. Talk to your nan about the best way to go ahead.
...............................
A
female
reader, M€9@/\/ +, writes (3 August 2010):
Honney,.... I don't know what country you live in but in the U.S.A. The age difference is illigal. I'm 14 and I myself rushed into a relationship ( not quite like yours) and ended up getting hurt. Just think, he us 8 (!!!!!) years older then you. If u did end up getting married ( in my opinion is a BAD idea) just think of how old he would look next to you! Your only thirteen for crying out loud. Please don't carry out the relationship. It's only going to hurt you!!! You have yourwhole life ahead of you. Have fun when your young, meet different guys, don't make any commitments when your young that will have a huge impact on your life in the long run. You should stay away from the serious relationships and save it for when your older and mote wiser!
The biggest mistrake of my life was making a comitment to S******* ( my ex) he broke my heart in the end and it was the worst possible feeling I have ever felt in my life!
DON'T RUSH ONTO THINGS
...............................
A
female
reader, Angelicc +, writes (3 August 2010):
 Go for a guys you own age, guys you can have a laugh with and mess about with. Not a guy whos laying on too thick for someone so young. dont get caught up in the idea that he love you. Even if he love you, you dont love him.
Enjoy being 13 dont enter adulthood too soon.
...............................
A
female
reader, candygirl_iraq  +, writes (3 August 2010):
I agree with both previous answers.Unfortunetly this has become a very common case,faking love to get a visa.In his mind he will keep you there hanging for 4 years maybe,and trust me he will be haunting other western women. I say let go of it all,and COMPLETELY block him.
I personally knew a man who would do this to many women online to get an American greencard.These sick minded ppl think its smart and they're only looking after their interests.The girl is nothing but a means to them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): I agree with both Caring Guy and Dear Jilly. Whatever his motives, this adult man is attempting to manipulate a young girl.
While it may seem harsh and difficult to you, you should quit communicating with this man immediately. Whatever you do, please do not send him photos or anything that may cause you embarrassment at some later time.
Being 13 is so wonderful and difficult all at once. It can be confusing and it's easy to mistake love for lust or manipulation for caring. Talk to your Nan more. Be honest and ask all of your questions. It'll help you understand it better and bring the two of you closer. Your Nan is not only more experienced and knowledgeable than you are, but cares for you very much and has your best interests at heart -- and always will, even when it doesn't seem like it.
Good luck to you. Stay safe.
...............................
A
female
reader, Duckyhelp +, writes (3 August 2010):
 every young girl gets this when she goes to turkey, the guy who i met in turkey when i was 14 still asks me to marry him two years later! even though fb says he has a gf!
In a few months you will see what has happpened, dont worry, he will be flirting with someone new soon/ already is. no matter what he says, he just wants in the uk.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): I echo Caring Guys sentiments, and ADD a 21 year old man LOOKING at, and a telling a 13 year old girl he loves her, he is very MANIPULATING, not at all healthy. You are under 16, he should NOT even be considering telling a 13 year old girl he loves her. I know it seems lovely to you, but trust me, this guy does not love you in the sense it should mean for a long, long term relationship.
To love someone you have to know them, spend lots of time with them, far more than 10 days. This is nothing more than some physical attraction from a young man who should know better. Please listen to your Nan as difficult as this is for you, and don't have anything more to do with him.
It seems harsh I dare say to you, but you are so young and not at all used to what some men will say, so please be careful. You have so much time ahead of you to enjoy meeting young boys of a similar age and culture - Turkish men do not have the same views on women as we do here, so another very good reason to close this adventure and remember it just as it is, some holiday fun! But leave it there, please.
Jilly x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Hmmm..you`ve got yourself into a situtation Hun :/
Do you think this is real? Do your parents know you talk to him? im just asking you because i got asked these questions because im in love with a 30 year old and im only 16 :/ so you`ve gotta ask yourself is he being honest with you or not?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): Yes, listen to your grandmother!
He may come across as a "lovely man" BUT you are only 13 and he's 21 - much too old for you. Men his age do not normally "go for" girls that much younger than they are. Men in his age group are looking for women around their own age or perhaps a LITTLE bit younger - say 20, 19, even 18. They want a woman they can flirt with, take her out, talk about things on an equal level based on their shared experiences in life and age.
This man is sweet-talking you, you know. He has absolutely no business telling you he loves you. Real love develops between two people over a long period of time and frequent meetings.
His culture and upbringing are entirely different from yours. It's a good thing you didn't go to the beach with him, by the way - not trying to scare you, but I'm a lot older than you and "I" wouldn't go on an outing like that with a total stranger. Which, to bring it down to nuts and bolts, is what he is to you.
You don't know what to do? I'll tell you: FORGET him, and enjoy going out with boys your own age! PLEASE LISTEN to your Nan, your parents, to Caring Guy and to me - even though its not what you want to hear.........
From Denise32
...............................
A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (2 August 2010):
This whole situation is wrong, he is 21 and is from turkey, he knows you are only 13 yet he still wanted to take you to the beach alone.....he is no different and your nan is correct.
This sounds more like infatuation with an older man who is showing you a little attention, Move on from this and live your youth and you will meet a man when your a little older who is more your age who you have more in common with and who wont be using you for a visa or just to add a notch to his bed post.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): No normal 21 year old would go near a girl your age. This is coming from a 21 year old.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 August 2010):
Well, you're 13. He's 21. So he's either getting to you for a visa, or he's very twisted. Listen to your nan. She knows what she is talking about and has dealt with men like this. Have nothing more to do with him.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2010): you are thirteen and he is twenty one, he is probably drawn to you because you're a virgin and he probably likes going after virgins so he can be their first.Tbh turkish guys always flirt with us english girls on holiday and do it to several at once, don't think ur the only one he's sweetening up honey.
...............................
|
