A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:me and boyfriend have been together for about a year! things were great for about 6 months and now things are changing.he doesnt come to see me anymore even though im a 6 minute drive away. i ask him if i can go to his and he just says no and to leave him alone, and when i ask him to come mine he says hes tired, but he still manages to go out with his friends all day.i hate to think hes cheating on me because he was so nice to me at the start of the relationship and i could tell he would never do anything like that but lately it seems like im just not worth anything anymore! i know he wouldnt cheat on me, but i just cant understand why he would still be with me if he thought i wasnt worth a 6 minute drive and will go days without seeing me because of this. its even more confusing because he will still phone me everyday and speak to me on msn, but just not come to see me! and when he does see me he can be as nice as anything, but this is rare probably upto 3-4 days a week and for somebody who lives a 5 minute drive away you would expect him to be with me 24/7.can anyone suggest anything?
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (31 August 2008):
Oooh! 3 days!! I haven't seen my husband in 100 days. But I've spoken to him for an hour and 20 mins this week which is far more than usual.
I still think he could be being sarcastic and avoiding you because you are being so demanding and clingy.
And I don't think the fact that you have to say hi first counts as "treating you like dirt." I think you just need to back off a bit and give him the chance to miss you rather than feeling relieved when he gets a day off.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, PsyCookie  +, writes (31 August 2008):
 Original poster:
Did you force the answer on him? Like, accusatory?
I'm asking because my boyfriend would try to defy me when I ask him this way. For example, if I were ever to say, "What were you doing? Are you bored of me? Why haven't you come to visit me?" In a VERY strong, forceful way, then he will answer arrogantly, and just tell me that he doesn't want to see me to irritate me more.
The thing is, people don't like to feel forced to do things, nor even feel that they're guilty for something they don't seem fair. There are lot of people who often go by the say "Treat others like they treat you" (me and my boyfriend do), and probaby your boyfriend's the same.
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A
female
reader, jlc1867 +, writes (31 August 2008):
i really don't think that he is cheating on you. first of all he's stayed with you for 6 months, which sounds like he still wants to be with you. i'm sure he loves to be with you, but he still doesn't want to lose his other friends & the other good things he still has in his life. You are a big part of his life, but you need to know that your not the ONLY thing in it. Just because you live 6 minutes away, doesn't mean you have to be together all the time. Give him his space, & cherish the time you get to spend with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): Three or 4 times a week is plenty for someone your age. You should also spend time with friends and family. My wife and I started dating when in our mid 30s and we only saw each other 3 or 4 times a week for 2 or 3 years. After that it started to be most every night. You are definitely being clingy.
Hey, I know how you feel. When I started to date my wife, I also wanted to see her more often than she wanted, but I knew that she had other things to do. She wasn't cheating. She just had other things to do that didn't involve me. It's natural to want to be with someone who you like a lot but personal time is also necessary.
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A
female
reader, PsyCookie +, writes (31 August 2008):
He doesn't have to be with you 24/7. He has school, friends, and family to care about. Not even a married couple spend that much time, there's still work and kids to add.
I'd say you're pretty lucky. You get to see your boyfriend 4 times a week and get to spend a lot of time with him. Yet still talks to you on MSN and calls you often. I only spend with mine once a week (if lucky) and only 5 hours to spend with him because it's a 3 hours car ride. He and I work, sometimes on different scheadules. We talk everyday if we can, but for a few hours.
Please, give him a break. Don't be too clingy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe doesn't go to school anymore, and he treats me like dirt on msn, i always say hello to him even though i come online after him. i asked him today whether he doesn't come to see me (because it's been 3 days now) and he replied yes he doesn't wanna see me, + then i said rly? and he still said yes, but now he seems to be ok with me. so i get confused about what he rly means.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (30 August 2008):
I was going to say "well it sounds like he's just not interested in you...."
But then I got to the bit where he says he sees you 3 to 4 times a week and phones you or MSN's you every day!!
You aren't married! He has school and friends to see as well as you.
Stop being so clingy!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, Honey Sweet +, writes (30 August 2008):
 i know how u feel
it sometimes sucks
you want to be with him more and maybe he isnt getting the message
maybe hes got so,mething huge on his mind
but men dont let out their concerns. they prefer to give it to the gym and a punch bag.
keep going like normal for a while. and if he keeps doing it and youre getting upset about it talk to him face to face about it alone and make sure ur way weay alone. becasue itll make him feel aquad.
tell him how u feel.
i hope this helps
honey
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A
female
reader, shiraz +, writes (30 August 2008):
hey, i just read through your question and it sounds familiar! after being in a relationship for a while people tend to get used to the same thing happening over and over like a routine and the buzz you had at the begining of your relationship has died out. It seems to me that you want to save what you hve but with your boyfriend thinking otherwise, the fact that he actually tells you to leave him alone sometimes tells me that. He has the option to be with you but chooses to go elsewhere it hard sometimes but i think you should just ask him out straight tell him you need to know whats changed in your relationship and let him know how bad you feel when he claims hes too tired to see you. its clearly upsetting you and its time you let him know that. if hes genuine he will act on it and try and go back to how things were or he might feel that hes had enough of this relationship, if that is the case then at least you know without carrying on all this upset. anyone who feels insecrue in a relationship should be able to tel there partner this and get through it together good luck =)
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