A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a man since a year and half. We have known each other since 3 years. I have never been in a relationship before and I am a virgin too. Initially , at the start of our relationship every thing else was good except the sex issue. He being a non virgin wanted to have sex but I wasn't ready. We used to go out a lot, spend time together had a good companionship but had fights regarding the sex issue. He never pushed me for having sex and even though we did make out a lot he always respected whenever I said NO to sex. But as time went by he started pushing and fighting less for sex. the other day we were cuddling each other totally naked and he asked whether I am ready. I said NO and he said Ok because he loves me too much. The thing I dont understand is when now he is ok with my no then why did he quarrel with me so many times before ? Why did he waste so much time quarreling with me? Is he being truthful when he says that he really loves me or just saying that to get into my pants. I am still a virgin by choice because I would like to give my virginity to a person after we have made a real strong foundation emotionally with sex as the icing and not the cake itself.
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male
reader, MickyDredd  +, writes (21 October 2009):
When I was young you didn't have the internet to help you make these sorts of decisions. Talk to your parents, or a close friend, if you are unsure, but ultimately it is a decision you have to make yourself. But the fact that you are concerned enough about it to post here gives me the impression that maybe you are unsure, and should wait until you are more comfortable about it.
A
female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 He is a good man to have stayed with you this long without having sex. Do not lose this man! The reason he pressured you at first was to see if you would do it, but after you were firm about it, he understood that you really mean NO. The fact that he respects your wishes and has stayed with anyway for this long means he really wants to be with you for a relationship, not just using you. The only thing that I may be worried about is, "Is he getting sex with someone else, while he is waiting for YOU to give it to him?"
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (20 October 2009):
It actually sounds like he's a good guy. He loves you. If he was after using you for sex, he would have given up ages ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Guys that want in your pants only leave after bout 3 weeks at the latest. So no he doesnt (hes more patient than me).Please understand that sex is important to men and we do have a veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery strong need for it. Perhaps it would be best if you didnt sit naked together too often, your getting his hopes up. One thing have you made it clear that you want marriage first?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2009): Im not going to question your decision I respect it , I may have a different opinion but its your decision to make.
I genuinely think that your boyfriend loves you. I also think that he finds you sexually attractive and to be honest if i was naked with a girl that I found attractive then Id want to have sex too.
I think you should make it clear to him that he could be in for a long wait and that if he isnt okay with this then you guys may not be right with each other. Id do this rather than fight about this over and over again.
Id have this chat in a non-confrontational way. There is no right and wrong side here, he is just as entitled to his belief that having sex is okay at this point as you are to say no.
One final thing , its your body, with sex there should never be a should about it, It should just be a natural impulse.
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