Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2011): My suggestion here is... Negligence on both sides.Because parties are places where people select, like, show their interest for the followers or participants .showing off is a negative impact directly or indirecly! In Any case, i disagree with this interest!
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Actually you can sit at the bar and order a soda or water, you just can't be served alcohol. Unfortunately guys are really forward at clubs/bars when they've obviously been drinking(some creepy sober ones too) and come up to grind on your behind. All you do is quickly turnaround, shoot them a nasty look(or tell them "No thank you"), and dance off in the opposite direction. If you sneak a glance back at your attacker you will see them moving onto their next victim. Eventually some wasted girl will dance with the creepster.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): It's not very classy or nice, you have the right to ask them to go away. They are behaving like stray dogs.
It would be alright if you lived in Spain or Latin America and it was a bit more cultural and fun rather than gross and demeaning.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Not cheating. Cheating kind of requires an intent to go further or really "be" with someone else. Grinding is public and clothed, and usally just for brief excitement and fun. Is it somewhat sexual in nature...sure, but we are sexual beings, most of us. I'd rahter let my girl grind a bit than stuff her in a box of conservativeness and hope she doesn't do something worse. But it depends a lot on the girl. If she was normally a suzy-be-good and let loose or wanted more, then it might be a problem. If she was normally flirty but knew her boundaries, then not as big a deal. But it is close to the line.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Cheating - not at all.
Grounds for objection, arguements and potential break-up - Yes, certainly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfirst of all, I'm only 18 so i can't really sit at a bar. (or can I?) second, it was my first time clubbing, I didn't know that guys would just be all up in your face like savages. I'm dancing with my gfs then suddenly i feel something on my back (it happened literally 10+) trust me, 2nd time and on made me sick to my stomach. third, I was honest with my bf about it and he was upset but after a couple of minutes he was normal again.
All I'm asking is if it's "cheating" because my girlfriends say it is not because i'm not hooking up with them or anything like that. I do believe it was wrong to let guys dance with me but they just pop out from nowhere and start dancing with you!
okay, that's all..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): Standing at the bar by yourself while your friends grind with men won't kill you. Really, it won't.
You now know that if you go clubbing again, all your friends are going to be out on the dance floor constantly leaving you by yourself. If standing by yourself is unbearable, you will be going clubbing knowing that you'll be grinding with other men rather than talking to your friends.
You want to have the security of a boyfriend who is exclusive with you, but you want to have fun with other men. These types of relationships never last long. You can only have a dishonest relationship in which you have your cake and eat it too for a limited period of time.
Your options are:
-Keep doing what you're doing and hope your boyfriend doesn't find out, and continue rationalizing your behavior on the basis that you'll die if you have to be by yourself for a few minutes.
-Discuss it with your boyfriend. If he's not OK with it, you can either stop the grinding or break up with him.
-Stop grinding with other men.
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female
reader, Nonamus +, writes (2 March 2011):
Cheating? No. Tacky? Yes. Makes you look like a slut? Yes.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (2 March 2011):
Take break and go get a drink from the bar. Or go freshen up in the bathroom. I thought girls night meant no guys..Generally, the girls you go out clubbing, drinking, dancing with shouldn't be ditching you to the point where you're dancing solo.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): I would talk about it with your boyfriend and tell him you are left all alone on the dance floor, turning away hotties and maybe he will come with you next time:)
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A
male
reader, Flashtony  +, writes (1 March 2011):
Look..... It's cheating, you know it is, so would he if he knew...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh wow! I didn't realize a lot of people would actually respond but thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I feel uncomfortable about it because I know it's betraying my bf's trust but I don't know what to say to my gfs. It was my first time going clubbing and all. Oh and there's absolutely nothing wrong with dancing with my gfs, BUT guys seems to take my gfs one at a time to the point that I'm alone dancing by myself. What can I do then?
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 It's not technically cheating, no...
Wouldn't really matter to me though, I'd dump a partner for doing it in a flash and I know I'm not alone in that line of thinking.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Would you mind him grinding up against other girls behind your back?
You're going against his trust in you to behave when you're out without him. You may not be "cheating" but you ARE betraying his trust.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (1 March 2011):
Would you be comfortable seeing your boyfriend out with his mates and "grinding" with another girl? I think that should answer your question.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): I would say you would be upset if he did that wouldn't you, so try to treat your boyfriend as he would like to be treated. Maybe suggest a fun salsa or hip hop low key no pressure dance class to do with him, if you feel you are missing out on dance moves. And go easy on him if he takes a while like a lot of guys to learn the moves, at least he will be trying, unless of course he is a natural then why bump n grind with somebody else!
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 The next question is whether the relationship is good enough for the poster to even need to determine whether grinding is fine or not.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 March 2011):
One more thing, what's wrong with dancing with your girl friends?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Its not cheating, but it is wrong and disrespectful. I don't think you would like your bf to grind with other girls, I mean that's basically feeling each other up.
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (1 March 2011):
Bumping 'n' grinding isn't cheating but it's not exactly being 100% faithful.
Grinding is basically dry humping, but in public.
Of course your single girl friends think it's fine. No guy in their right mind would be ok with their girlfriend dry humping with another guy on the dance floor.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Personally I think it sounds painful.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): It doesn't really matter what arbitrary definition of "cheating" you latch on to....Tell your boyfriend. Ask him if he's cool with it - or not.I would say truth is more important than the semantics of the term cheating....
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): well no its not cheating but would you like it if your bf went out and let other girls grind on him or he grinded other girls ... its just not very respectfull of your other halfs feelings
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): *grinding
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): Grinding is NOT cheating. It's pushing it, but cheating it ain't.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (1 March 2011):
 Dirtball's said it.
Fun friendly dancing is fine. Grinding is a bit too far.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): "Grinding" isn't dancing. If you're going to dance with other guys then you don't have to "grind" against them.
Like dirtball said, if your boyfriend was "gringing" against another girl, i doubt you would be happy about it.
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female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (1 March 2011):
 If that's all you are doing it sounds fine. As long as you ain't kissing/having sex. I don't see a problem with it at all. Tell him that you do dance with guys, but that's all you do do with them. Hope this helps
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (1 March 2011):
 What would you think if your BF was dancing like that with another girl?
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male
reader, free advice  +, writes (1 March 2011):
It depends upon how your BF knows you and how he takes it. If he is a optimist, you are lucky. Do what your conscience says. If you start asking opinions for this, you will be rather confused than convinced.
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