A
male
age
41-50,
*athanielKent29
writes:My friends and I were having this debate over the fact my girl and I agreed with each other that neither one of us would be okay if the other went to strip clubs. They happen to believe I am submissive to my gf, when in fact it was a MUTUAL decision and she is also NOT going to strip clubs either. My point is that most of my friends claim it's just harmless entertainment. But what I see happening in strip clubs isn't what I'd call harmless. I mean, guys getting private dances where they fondle the strippers, get hjs and bjs, and a lot of more extreme sexual contact (at male/female clubs). To me and to my gf that's what we'd classify as cheating. My question: how common are these activities in strip clubs and why do people say it's all harmless? Would you risk ending a relationship with a great gf/bf just so you can do those stuff? I mean is it worth losing someone you love over this?Thanks for your time guys!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2011): "I mean is it worth losing someone you love over this?"
This is the real meat of the question, isn't it. All the other stuff is just "superfluous details".
No, it isn't worth losing someone you love over this, or many, many, many other things (sex, money, affairs, job, etc, etc, etc).
Losing someone you love is a lifelong loss in most cases.
Anything that jeopardizes that relationship, be it from affairs to zythum, is not worth it in almost all cases, with few exceptions.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (13 December 2011):
 No strip club rule agreed by both people is absolutely fair. Women can go see male strippers now as well, and you have every right to feel this is cheating, just like she feels it's cheating for you to go. (A stripper can be a man or woman, another human being) Your friends are either very young and immature or are jealous and want to destroy your relationship.
I'm not gonna tell you want to think about stripping, that just sounds like you want to argue and fight with your friends. They want to go to strip clubs, you don't, that's the only thing that matters here. When they start to tease you and make up noise and put you down or call you submissive... ignore them... You got your woman and things are going good, you can talk about things together, and be honest and truthful.. What have they got?? A woman who is to scared to open their mouth and tell the man to stay at home. Or they go to strip clubs and hate it, but are to shy to talk up and say they don't want to go.
Don't follow the crowd, stand up and be your own man. Only sheep follow the crowd, your not a sheep, so just tell them, you don't want to go to a strip club and you don't have to explain why.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011):
I am not sure what goes on a strip clubs in other places, but in California there isn't any sex going on and you can't even really touch the girls during a lap dance. Maybe it's different in Brazil. However, don't assume so. Also, even if more is allowed that doesn't mean your partner is partaking. I think you should ask yourself:
Is GOING to a strip club to see nude members of the opposite sex a problem in itself or are you more concerned about what ELSE might happen?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2011): Would it be appropriate for your girlfriend to go to a male strip club and check them out? If your answer is no, then yes it is cheating. My girlfriend and I have an agreement
STRIP CLUBS= CHEATING
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A
female
reader, Placebogirl +, writes (12 December 2011):
 If you and your girlfriend have agreed not to go to strip clubs, then there isn't any need to worry about what your friends think. They are probably just justifying your own behavour. Putting agreed boundries in a relationship isnt being submissive. Fondling someone or getting handjobs/blowjobs is deffiantly cheating - even if it is a stripper. They are still people and contant like that with another person is still cheating.I wouldn't really know how common that kind of thing is in a strip club. A lot of clubs have a 'no touch' policy but that can be ignored.Basically if both partners agree strip clubs are okay, then there isnt a problem. But since both you and your girlfiend have said no to strip clubs its not worth loosing someone you love over something as pointless as this!
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A
female
reader, diamondshards  +, writes (12 December 2011):
Because they see this as an easy way out to get away with what would otherwise be classified as cheating, by objectifying the women who work there as mere sexual tools.
Personally, I would consider it cheating and thus, most likely, end the relationship, even if heartbroken. I'm not sure what would be more painful- for the man I love to cheat on me with someone he's in love with or with someone he's paying, but I'm sure the latter would make me feel more disrespect for him.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (12 December 2011):
 They say it's harmless because they want an excuse to cheat. A stripper is a woman, another human being. The only way someone can think a stripper giving a lapdance/handjob/blowjob isn't cheating is if they think strippers aren't actually human. Otherwise what kind of situation would another woman giving a man blowjobs not be cheating?
Your guy friends are just trying to pressure you into it because it further validates their own cheating, as in if they can make you go, they feel their behavior is normalized. Good for you for sticking up for what you believe in.
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