A
female
age
41-50,
*lienfromarea51
writes:The newest idea of my live in boyfirend? We can not have sex when his kids are over (every other week) because he is afraid that they can "walk in" on us and get traumatized! They are 5 and 9. He does not want to lock the door because he does not want to "lock them out." I would be able to be without IT for a week, I do not care about the physical part of this, but logically it seems to me like total bullshit.I am just having really hard time believing that "kids" are the reason. Besides, we are together for almost 2 years and it was not the issue before. I have to admit that it started after the 8 year old had a nightmare once and walked into our bedroom in the middle of the night crying. So i do understand that kids are kids, but still I can not really make sense out of this. Anyway, would any other female (or Male) be ok with this and understand? Or would you guys think what I thnk, that kids are only an excuse? Would you guys even agree with it? Or would you think that it is totally weird? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (14 December 2011):
If the two of you make an issue of this then you will have so much stress you won't want sex anyway. He does have a point, but maybe is he not yet comfortable with you in bed with him with his kids around? Do they come into the room when you are together, get in the bed with you, etc? If so then it should not be such a shock for them to see you in bed together. Put something by the door so you know when it opens, or wake him up in the middle of the night, start with a bj, and use a discrete position, eg sideways, and be slow and gentle! Great sex happens like that. Good luck and dont be mad with him, it doesnt help.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 December 2011):
 " adults have sex with children"... nope that doesn't sound right at all.. sorry.. but you know what I mean... this no sex rule is only temporary, the guy is just scared and ashamed at the moment.. he needs your help to calm down and build a proper family life which includes you, sex and the children.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (13 December 2011):
"but logically it seems to me like total bullshit...."" I have to admit that it started after the 8 year old had a nightmare once and walked into our bedroom in the middle of the night crying."These statements don't match up.. one child has already come into the bedroom you both share.. but you think it's bullshit when you boyfriend thinks that it might happen again. Obviously you don't have kids, and so don't understand how uncomfortable he feels. Your probably too old to remember having nightmares and wanting to sleep with adults, who you probably interrupted. I suggest you check on Dear Cupid using search, tons of kids have written into us when they caught their parents having sex or found some sexual objects, and yes, they sounded very upset.Of course adults have to have sex with children in the house, there is no alternative, since you can't leave them and go and book a motel.But you don't seem very understanding about how a parent or a child might feel.. bullshit isn't the way to regard a parent's normal concern. Being caught having sex with any woman would upset any loving father. It only happened a year ago, so I guess he's still upset about it.You need to have more consideration for the emotional needs of both your boyfriend and his children. If you start trying to reassure him, making suggestions that might help. (sex in very early in the morning before the kids wake up) Or accepting the situation for a little while, until the children stop having nightmares or your boyfriend puts things into proportion and realises that adults have sex with children, that's what creates brothers and sisters.Every other week, you can't have sex, doesn't sound much of a sacrifice compared to what full time parents have to deal with, the got the children all the time. Nope it's not bullshit, it's normal for parents to think like this, especially if it's happened before.
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A
female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (13 December 2011):
 It doesn't seem unreasonable really, he just wants to protect his children which i think is fair enough.
I've walked in on my parents before, and i was in my mid teens, i was so embarrassed, and they were too!!! It took a while to clear the air as well...
If you're really worried about this, then just talk to him about it. From what i can gather, he just wants to look out for his children, protect them and keep them safe.
I think you need to respect his decision, you said yourself, you can cope without sex when the kids are there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Well what message does he want to send out to his children? He is a parent afterall. Does he want his children to believe its okay to have a GF and live with her and sleep in the same bed but no sex? Is that for Moms and Dads only?I don't think its bullsh*t. I think its valid. The best thing is to be understanding but ask questions about what he teaches his children about sex education, love, relationships. That will give you a better understanding of his side and see that maybe he is being quite reasonable.I think most children, even teens, don't want to 'see' their parents as sexual beings so again, understand his side of things. ( I have five children ages 19 to 2 1/2 years. They all do not think its fun to view Mom as sexual but okay I had love with their Dads to create them.)Time for the SEX chat with the BF.Its two days, give it some time. And really, the BF was probably turned off and felt guilty to be discovered in such a way and didn't want to hurt his child. ASK. Talk, discuss. Learn and Grow together over this minor matter. ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): The poor guy maybe having a hardtime getting it up when the kids are around. Try giving him some oral help in the middle of the night when he least expects it. He might just love you for that; I know, I would! Make sure he took a shower before going to sleep, if that helps!
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