A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing my boyfriend for five months and we're thinking of moving in together. I spend about three or four nights a week with him anyway and we were on holidays together for over a week and got on great! I've known him for about ten months in total.It's not entirely a case of convenience (we both need somewhere to live) but we've talked about that and we both think things are going well and when is the best time to move in with someone anyway?For some reason I'm a little concerned about what other people will think though! I lived with my ex for about four out of seven years and we travelled the world together. This feels different though, but I don't want people judging me for moving too fast! I think if my ex found out he might be a bit hurt too as I was the one that ended things with him... The love wasn't there anymore! Anyway I'd love some thoughts and or advice on what you think about renting together after five months?Thanks in advance!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 February 2013):
 Personally for ME it's not too soon. IF you want to be together and are doing it not out of desperation and need but want... I think it's fine. But then I never follow traditional norms or expectations....
And don't ever live your life worrying about what others think... be true to yourself.
and why in the world are you worried about what an EX thinks or feels???
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2013): This question is impossible to answer.There are people who don't agree with couples moving in together until they are married, and others who will move in together after weeks of dating... it's completely dependant on the relationship.If you think it's right then go for it, but if you are having doubts (which is sounds like you are, as you are asking for strangers opinions) then maybe you should wait awhile as it is a big move, and can change your relationship for better or for worse.
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A
female
reader, Kindpigeonette  +, writes (12 February 2013):
I think it is fine, but only if you are financially secure enough to move out back onto your own at anytime.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (12 February 2013):
 Hi
Who's idea was it and what's his history re girlfriends and living together?
Yes it may make financial sense but I would find a flatshare with others instead if I was you.Don't get swept away with emotions and the honeymoon feeling.
If you do end up sharing then it brings finances and leases into the equasion which can cause alot of friction
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 February 2013):
Yes it is because people are still in their nice phase. Even if you basically live there now there is a big difference between that and really living there.
I'd say two years makes the most sense but it may be difficult to wait that long for people.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (12 February 2013):
 I would say yes, that's probably too soon. The way you word this question really sounds like you just don't know each other well enough. You're still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship where everything is amazing, your relationship probably feels near perfect, you probably can't keep your hands off each other, and that's great! Enjoy it! However, it's very hard to really get to know someone very well during that phase AND moving in too soon will shorten that phase very quickly. It's hard to find someone as appealing when you know what their "concentrating on toenail clipping" face is.
There's no reason to rush this. You've only had one vacation together and still only spend 3 nights a week together. Just keep enjoying each other, let the butterflies and hormones play out a little, and then get on with the serious stuff.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (12 February 2013):
 Each relationship moves at his own pace and its own comfort level. By you coming here and posting your question, I think you know the answer to your question.
In case you are truly on the fence though, I hope you examine the benefits and risks you are taking. Sure you save some money on your rent, you could learn a lot more about your boyfriend, but at the same time if things go south quickly, you could wind up in a heap load of trouble. I've answered many a question on this site from people who thought they knew what they were getting into and then the "real" version of their partner came out. Also you state your relationship has largely been peaceful and good. What happens if you guys have a disagreement? Have you seen your boyfriend angry before? Have you resolved any serious conflicts yet?
5 months is still a short time. You may want to take a peak at Dr Laura Schlessinger's "10 Stupid Things That Women Do To Mess Up Their Lives". You MAY be about to commit one of the 10.
Also something to consider is that some surveys indicate those that cohabitate before marriage are more likely to divorce than those that live separately (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/22/movein-before-marriage-no_n_1372687.html). There is some theory that by doing a "trial run" sets both people's mind sets that they can walk away.
Either way, I hope you really give this some thought as I'd hate to see you jeopardize what seems like a fantastic relationship to save a few months rent. The consequences of moving in too soon can be quite dramatic. Ultimately, though you know the answer in your heart.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, hotmommanell +, writes (12 February 2013):
The right time to move in together is when you're sure that you're marriage-serious or when you are committed to a LTR. Just dating and a desire to conveniently merge households and share expenses is not the right reason. In the end, though, it's your life. Personally, I wouldn't move in without a solid commitment.
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A
male
reader, Passherby +, writes (12 February 2013):
"I don't want people judging me for moving too fast!"
That is exactly what you are asking for with your question.
5 months is way to soon to move in. Both of you are still on your best behaivor. You probably still don't feel comfortable burping or passing gas in one anothers presence yet. Wait at least until at least the one year mark.
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