A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello I'm a single woman of many years I'm just finally starting to get back in the romantic spot light .So I met this guy on the Internet very respectful all I ever dreamed of he sends me money we talk for hours on the phone.He even told his brother he thinks he found the woman he wants to marry.In my head I'm like Omg is he talking about me HELL yes he's talking about me.We have been video chatting on the phone for hours it's like teenagers in love.So he want to come visit I told him I want to give this relationship a year to see what do we do in between and then get more acquainted only thing I ask of him be truthful to me and I won't tell you no lies.We both have been in untruthful relationship so since we have been hurt to want to love on each other.Is making my new boyfriend wait for a year to really be involved with me to long or give him 6 months.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2020): THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR CONCERNS EVERYONE IS BASICALLY TELL ING ME THE TRUTH .BUT WE WILL MEET SOONER. THANKS PS TELL WILL TELL??
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2020): Wow! Just Wow OP! You should hear all kinds of alarm bells going off and be seeing big red flags waving! Who talks about marriage prior to running a background check, then meeting in person, and going out on dates??? What man falls off a cliff, into mindless love plus starts sending money, when he has never laid eyes on you, in person? Then, what kind of desperate character are you, to be taken in by such a juvenile outlook on true love, worthy of marriage? Further, why would you accept money, from a sketchy man, who is a total stranger, to you? Surely at your age, you don t believe that everything you read on the internet is true, do you? This man should meet you, in your hometown. NOT AT YOUR HOME! When you meet him sober, in the daytime, in a busy restaurant that has security cameras, you should have a good friend there also, just watching the meeting, at a close distance! Meet this way a few times, and if you two mesh, then begin dating him. I would never even meet a man who talks such bullcrap!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2020): There must be an echo in the room, but nearly everyone wants to know why you are taking money from this man?
How could you in good-conscience take money from someone, then turn around and tell him you'll see him in about a year???
Then pay him back every cent you've ever taken from him; and ask him to forgive you for taking it! You know better!
That's all I'll even say about this.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (24 June 2020):
 I have to wonder, are you deliberately putting off meeting him so that he will keep sending you money? Are you afraid, once he has met you in person, he will stop sending it? Why did he start sending you money?
I can totally understand your need to take things cautiously, especially given your history, but I'm not sure what you are trying to prove by keeping him at arm's length for so long. Do you, perhaps, just enjoy "the chase" and hence want to prolong it as long as possible? Do you think, once he meets you, he will stop being so respectful and attentive?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 June 2020):
 Yeah ,good point, Fatherly Advice.
OP, how come this is sending you money ?! And how come you accept it ?!- Considering that basically you do not even know each other, don't you find just weird (.. forget about "inappropriate" .. ) that money is involved in your relationship ?....
Anyway, disregarding for the time being this little ( but not so little )detail , no OP it is not a good idea, if by making him wait one year you mean waiting one year before meeting in person.
It's a very bad idea. Beside the fact that I suppose even the most ardent lover would get fed up to be kept on hold for such a long time for no good reason, and would end up with calling it a day , actually the sooner you can meet him in person, the better. Talk is cheap and you don't really even °start° sussing out how a person really is, what they want, what they offer etc. unless you interact with them in person and IRL. If you mean that you don't want to jump into bed with him the first time you meet him, that's wise and prudent but it's all another story. Or , if you mean that you want to take it slow and not begin planning for marriage or cohabitation after just a few dates, that's sensible too. But if you mean stringing him along for a whole year before he can visist, no, this I don't think it will help.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2020): Ok I am the only one here who will address the pink elephant in the room.......He is a stranger....You do not know him at all.He could or is lying to you....You do not really know him all you really know is what someone told you on the internet.He sends you money.why??? Why do you even accept the money.That really is weird to me.Is he paying you to show him stuff on line?Does he think he can buy you?I was thinking you were young and then I looked at your age and I think you should know more in life by now.If you do meet him have many friends around you because still Rember he is a stranger no matter how long you have talked to him online.Stop accepting money from strangers it is not a good look for you.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (24 June 2020):
 OP writes, "he sends me money".
I would like to discuss this at length before giving you any further advice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2020): For me I have alarm bells. He's talking marriage WAY too soon. This is a charmer's tactic. An abusive person's tactic.He's sending you money and sweeping you off your feet. Sounds good on paper, but men who behave like this are rarely good news. Remember, manipulative people give in order to get back bigger. He may have given you money in order to make you obliged to him. He can ask something of you, that you're not comfortable with, but he's given you money, so you feel obliged. Why has he given you money? Be very careful in this situation. Personally I don't like being beholden to anyone, let alone a stranger. I might be wrong of course, he might be wonderful and have 'fallen in love' with a woman he has yet to meet. You also sound a little vulnerable. Desperate almost. So excited that he's talking about marriage. You haven't even met him yet, but mentally you're already halfway down that aisle.He's sweeping you off your feet. Not a good sign. I hope I'm wrong. Be on your guard, but I would meet him sooner rather than later. What's the point of putting off meeting someone you may not care for in person? Do YOU have little alarm bells too?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 June 2020):
 Do you mean you want to wait a YEAR to meet up? Why? You don't build a relationship over tech. While it makes you FEEL good you won't see how you two GET on in "real life" if you only chat over the phone (videocall or not).
While I think it's OK to wait a while before you are ready for intimacy (as in sex), I think meeting in person sooner, rather than later is smart too. Which mean IF he comes visit, he stays at a motel/hotel and you two go out on dates in the date time/evening in public places. You make sure someone knows you are out on dates and where. Because as lovely as you THINK, you REALLY don't know him. YOU know what he has TOLD you.
Talking marriage is putting the cart before the horse. SLOW down. TALK is cheap OP. You are so "high" on the "UH I found someone", that you are not being realistic.
He can PROMISE you the moon, OP. Words are cheap. It doesn't mean you ARE compatible, or that he actually will marry you. SAYING he wants to marry you doesn't make it true. Who knows you might find out when you DO meet that he is not someone you can see yourself with long term.
I would advice that you BOTH go visit each other a few times before you talk any more of marriage. So he can see you in your "natural habitat" and you can see him in his.
I would also suggest that you do a background check on him, at some point. It's a $15 (ish) fee.
Waiting a year won't make the risk of getting hurt again go down.
Now of you talk waiting a year to move closer to him or he to you, then definitely. Wait. Wait until you have met enough times in person to be able to get a bigger picture of each other.
Take your cute rosy glasses of and use common sense, OP.
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (23 June 2020):
 You will never really know exactly how you feel until you actually meet him. You should arrange to meet in person for a few hours at a public place like a restaurant that is half way between your two homes. What is the point of waiting 6 months or a year? After you have met him you are going to have a much clearer understanding of each other and can decide how you want to continue.
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