A
female
age
36-40,
*etobe
writes:Dear cupids,I've recently met someone whom I've made a great connection with. We met about a month ago and have had a great time getting to know each other. Last night was the first time we had sex. Why do I feel awkward about things?I've been hurt in the past badly and have had failed relationships that I grew to learn from. Maybe I'm afraid the same will happen here. I've told him how I feel today and he respects my feelings and has told me we can hold off on anything physical until I'm ready. Any tips on how I can handle my awallward and fearful feelings here? Thanks! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, kenny  +, writes (26 June 2020):
 Its good that you have found someone who understands how you are feeling and is also willing to wait until you are ready. Sounds like you have found a good one there.
That"s the thing about past relationships, we can learn from them, with the benefit of hindsight we know not to make the same mistakes again.
I think its important, not necessarily to forget the past, but to come to terms with the past, and not take past events into subsequent relationships.
This is why i think its really important not to enter any relationship until your 100% ready to do so. Its really important that we first learn to love ourselves before we venture out to love others.
Do what he say's hold off of anything physical until your good and ready, no matter how long it takes. And when your ready just take baby steps and don't rush anything.
He sounds like a good guy, so by the looks of it he will be willing to wait for you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2020): Do what he suggests. Hold-off on anything physical until you're ready. Maybe you're getting ahead of yourself; and subconsciously your better-judgement is warning you that you've realized you've rushed into things prematurely in the past.
Maybe it isn't awkwardness; but wisdom and commonsense. If you feel intense anxiety; it might be better to seek professional-counseling, should it be the result of trauma from any kind of sexual or emotional-abuse.
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