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female
age
,
*aryB
writes:Can a marriage survive if both husband and wife are alcoholics. I continue to read that chances of a marriage to a substance abuser of any kind most likely will not last but, if both of them are alcoholics that possess the same characteristics, would the chances of survival increase or decrease?I would love to hear of your opinions on this or any stories you know of where these circumstances exist and what the outcome was.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2017): I am an alcoholic female. Very functional, only family and close friends even know of my addiction. I am naturally drawn to other alcoholics simply because my behavior isnt acceptable to those who don't suffer from addictive genes. In no way am I saying two alcoholics together work better- because clearly there is more struggles.. But I will say this.. I strongly believe that if you love someone enough a relationship can be healthy between alcoholics. I was sober when I met my current boyfriend and he wanted me to help him get sober but I told him the truth. He has to want that for himself, I can't press that on him. I relapsed when my family went through serious struggles and we had several drinking binges together... But we also go through trying sobriety together. He understands my struggles and does not judge me when I relapse or make errors and I do the same for him. I'm not saying it will work out forsure but the way that you people speak of alcoholics like we choose to be this way and we are horrible life ruiners really sucks. I wish I didnt have the desire to drink myself into a black out on a daily basis. Yes, alcoholics do ruin lives but I will say being with another alcoholic we have a deep connection sober or drunk because we deal with the same struggles. Sometimes we encourage each other negatively sometimes positivity... But either way I think love prevails if you want it to. And if you love an alcoholic and are willing to be supportive and accept that they will have problems... And will seek support for yourself, trust me we are horrible at relationships you will need support... Then it can work. Its about the amount of love there is and the connection (not only alcohol related) obviously the two people need to have similar sober interests and so forth. I don't think all alcoholic relationships are doomed. Maybe I'm wrong though and ill be alone forever because of my predisposed genetic DNA.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 I think that if you have one alcoholic you have a constant strain on the relationship. You have a constant factor that pulls and rips away from the relationship. If you BOTH become alcoholics, well then, you will have TWO factors that constantly pull at the relationship, eating away from it without adding much back. The economy will fly to shitters as well.
With one constant who eats away at the relationship, at least you have one constant who keeps bringing it up again, stabilizing it, fixing the holes, and providing resources to feed the addiction.
But with both partners doing this you suddenly lose the stabilizer, you lose the resources to continue the addiction more or less peacefully, the holes wont be fixed, and things will deteriorate at a much higher pace, and could potentially become violent.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 May 2012):
 I don't think that a relastionship between two alcoholists has many chances to be long lasting..They have a passion in common, but it's not like sharing a passion for ballet or bird-watching .
Alcohol addicted are difficult to deal with. They are irritable, argumentative, self serving, often paranoid and aggressive, and unreliable and uncommitted in their every day life, because their only committment is to their addiction. So, it sounds a pretty explosive combination that does not exactly spells happily ever after.
BUT : why are you asking this question, may I ask ? I remember the background of this story , and I think this is the same alcoholist that you broke up with years ago, and whom you have been hoping to be back with since.
Please, if you are asking because you want to know what are your chances of having him back some time soon, - please don't. Please don't do this to yourself. The only really good thing this man has done for you is leaving you , and setting you free to claim back your self esteem and peace of mind. Don't waste this gift that he unwillingly gave you.
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (30 May 2012):
If alcohol or drug abuse has taken over both of their lives, they may well be too absorbed in indulging their addictions to invest anything in to the relationship. So, they might just drift along together in a dysfunctional relationship for longer than others, but this would not be an indication of success. Furthermore, things might get messy if the couple are at different stages of dealing with their addictions. There’s always the risk that if they both sobered up, they’d realise that their relationship was empty and split up. The truth is, it really depends on so many factors.
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reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 May 2012):
 Remember when you were a kid and said to your parents, "But MOM, DAD... everybody's going or doing it or whatever...." and they said, "If everybody jumped off a high bridge would you want to do that????"
This question reminds me of that. To wit: If two people are alcoholic and marry one-another is that less tragic than if those two alcoholics marry two OTHER people and make THEM miserable.... The "accountant" in me wants to say, "Sure, let 'em marry each other.... then, only TWO people will be miserable. Otherwise there are FOUR miserable souls...."
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reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (30 May 2012):
 IF both are active functional alcoholics I can see it being a messy volatile non-productive relationship.
I know lots of functional alcoholics. they are unpredictable and difficult to deal with.
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (30 May 2012):
 I was married to an alcholic. He wasn't an alcholic when I married him, it happened over time. I don't drink at all just because 1. My grandfather was an alcoholic 2. My best friend was killed by an alcholic 3. I just don't have any desire to drink.
Alcoholics are not nice people to be around. They are reckless, thoughless, irresponsible, illogical and can be very mean/violent. I cannot imagine 2 alcholics being together and it working. Both of them drunk at the same time? Who would take care of things? What if they had kids? See where this is going?? I think it would be a relationship from hell.
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