A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,I am 22 and me and my girlfriend are in a relationship for the last 3 years. There are a lot of points that I must highlight before going to the real issue. In the 1st year of our relationship, she was flirty with guys and used to have fun in making them want her. We used to have fights but she would never give up her habit. Then with the passage of time “she fell in love with me”. She confessed this after a year of our relation that at 1st, she was never in love with me and she just accepted the proposal just to make me happy…Ok now time passed. I wanted to come closer but she was never ready. She used to push me away if I would steal a kiss on her cheek. A French kiss happened after 2 years of our relation. A huge fight occurred when I tried to touch her breasts once. However further time passed and she grew intimate with me and up till now, we had sex 2 times in the relationship.Now the main issue: We are both born Muslims but I am an atheist. Islam disgusts me due to its barbarism and the irritating notion that it gives to the world. I don’t believe in God. She, on the other hand, says that there is a creator, Islam is the best religion and at the end: I want my husband to be a Muslim. I am broken. I love her. But when she cannot convince me logically on something, how can I accept it? I hate Islam and every other religion because they are a nip in the bud for the modern world. They are no more needed. Does she love me? Does she? We have stopped talking. Yesterday we had video conferencing and she cried a lot saying that she cannot live without me, but at the end of each sentence she said I CANT LEAVE Islam. What about the love, sincerity, sacrifices, honesty and care I wasted on her for 3 years? What about all the pain she gave me all these years due to her unaffectionate love? Is a God who does not exist, more important for her than the man she claims to love? What should I do man? I feel like I have been used and thrown in a river for something that does not exist. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!
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male
reader, FeelTooMuch  +, writes (5 September 2010):
Very difficult. It will be hard for you to truly, completely understand each other's point of view, since you are not simply agnostic, but an athiest, while she is a theist. It is important to note that religion can sometimes become culture, and such is the case with Islam (Christianity too). Asking someone to leave a religion like that can be asking an awful lot.Furthermore, for many people, envisioning a world without God is not a possibility. God is an answer to questions that would otherwise make living unbearable for some, so believing in Him can be akin to food - it keeps you living. I don't mean this in a physical sense, but in an emotional sense. Remember, all other ideas are also theories, and no one can dogmatically say anything to prove or negate His existence. If your girlfriend is convinced that there is a God, then asking her to leave this is also asking her to anger this God. An angry God is not something that you want on your conscience, imagined or not imagined.I'm sure that she does love you. I'm positive that she loves you - because she has stayed with you this long, and she has already certainly broken several areas of her personal moral code only for your sake (you referenced having sex twice - if she wanted to marry a Muslim, then I assume that the sex you had was outside marriage, meaning that she made a sacrifice for you). She loves you!! By asking the question you are asking, it is my impression that you are asking her to choose between two «beings» that she cannot choose between. I know this sounds harsh, and it's likely definitely not the answer you wanted, but : try to be more understanding.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): Leave her free to date other, more understanding men!Billions of people have some form of religion, so you are just a tiny wee bit slightly outnumbered there. Just who says that religion is not needed? Isn't your statement a bit arrogant to say the least? And what is this fabled "modern world", does its definition change with your mood and why should people blindly subscribe to your one-man world view?How is your uninformed opinion worth more than that of billions of people? Just because you don't believe something exists does not mean that it does not exist, that is reverse wishful thinking. If you have proof that God doesn't exist, show it to her, otherwise leave her free to believe what she wants. She is entitled to having beliefs, just like you are. And have fun dating atheist women, ones who perhaps do not believe that cheating is wrong since, well, they are not religious!
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (5 September 2010):
 This is ignorance. As much as you hate religion for leading people to what you consider to be lies, you yourself are blinding your own eyes with ignorance.
There is a way you can still be with her but you are going to have to understand why some people believe in such things.
Have you ever considered what a 'god' truly was? Have you ever looked upon a devout christian or catholic or muslim? Their faith holds them together and faith leads the through times of darkness with every having to show them any evidence of a 'divine creator'. They are good people BECAUSE of their belief. Sometimes people NEED to believe that SOMEONE or SOMETHING is watching over them and protecting them, or they have nothing and in the end, faith itself becomes the god that pulls them through harshness and keeps them from pain. In the end, it is faith alone that saves people and THAT is why people still cling to religion, THAT is why people still have faith in these gods. Read the bible or the Quran. Realize that all of these religions were born of freedom and a want for peace. Yet it was mankind that had somehow corrupted these words.
I myself believe or I WANT to believe that there is a god, a living force that runs through everything on the planet, much like gravity but it listens and it shifts and it guides us, an unbiased, all-tolerant and benevolent 'god'.
Jesus Christ WAS a real man. I know that in Islam, he was not known as the son of god but in Christianity he is part of the 'divine trinity'. He was real and he was a great philosopher, an inspiration, no matter what his origins were.
That faith has saved me endless times, shown me things about myself that I would have never thought possible and now I am stronger for it. Do not look down upon those who believe in a 'creator'. You said "They are no more needed", can you see how wrong you are? In this time of war and disease and poverty, people need faith in something, now more than EVER. People need to believe that something is watching over them so that can be at peace, knowing in their hearts that things will be alright.
Talk to her about why she believes in Islam, then ask yourself why you don't. Perhaps you will find the answer there in knowing. Ignorance is NEVER the answer. Is there truly NOTHING at all you see benevolent in Islam? Do not hate religions, understand them and see them as a whole. Things have different sides to them, some are salubrious at most whilst other sides are host to conflict and disrespect.
Perhaps this is why your girlfriend cannot be with you. She will not give up something like this for a man who is unwilling to understand. Faith is just as important to a heart as love. Talk to her and accept her AND her beliefs, do not make her choose. I believe she does love you and she needs you to be there beside her when she prays, just show that you understand it and are willing to support her in this. If you're ever going to decide to get married with this woman, you will NEED to SUPPORT her as a husband should. That is not a religious rule, it is a moral one and a sacred one at that. That means you must support her in her occupation, in her lifestyle and her RELIGION. Have hope that you two can still be together and have faith that everything will be alright.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, kirra07 +, writes (5 September 2010):
Religion is just one of those issues where if you don't agree, it most likely won't work. I'm an atheist too, and I can't imagine being with someone who was seriously religious. They are entitled to their beliefs, but I simply could not live with someone whose core beliefs/values were so different from my own. She is entitled to believe in God and Islam, just like you are entitled to not believe.
It sucks that you are facing this after 3 years, but it's a lesson. Next time, figure out whether you have conflicting beliefs/values on how to live your lives, children, politics, religion, etc before becoming serious. If you continue this, it will certainly hurt both of you because you care about each other a lot, but you both also care about/believe in your own religious views.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2010): erm ur asking her to leave her religion to be with you (which she has to, to be with you), your talking about sacrificing 3 years, so how do you expect her to sacrifice her beliefs which shes held her entire life for you...aint you being selfish?
its not gonna work out your best to just move on in life and find someone thats gonna love you for who you are
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (4 September 2010):
 You must realize that even tho you don't believe in Islam anymore, she still does. Its clearly important to her.
She stated clearly that she wants a muslim husband someday. Unfortunately for you, thats the bottom line.
It would be like asking you to believe in Islam again just to be with her, with you asking her to give up her beliefs for you.
I'm sorry man, but you gotta move on :(
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite +, writes (4 September 2010):
I think that religion is one of those issues that couples have to share an opinion/outlook on or else their relationship will (most likely) not work out.
Either you give in (so become Muslim) and 'convince' her that you believe in something that you don't, or she will have to accept the fact that you are an atheist. It depends if you mean enough to each other to be OK with you being an atheist/her being Muslim.
However - you are 22. Keep in mind that you are young, and it is possible that you will meet someone who you will love and is more compatible with you.
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