A
female
age
36-40,
*ammye17
writes:hello, i'am 22 years old and i am breaking over this situation. 3 years ago i got involved with a married man 14 years older than me @ one of my previous jobs. everything just started, we both knew it was not right. I kept on because i liked him and then fell for him throught out those 3 years and him because of his marriage problems. he always told me that divorce would always be difficult for him because of the house cars and finances shared even thought he was not happy because they were not getting along but i accepted that. so time passed i was still with him,he got his wife pregnant and that just broke my heart but i always knew that it was coming well i stayed with him but this year he left me. he said he felt that he wanted to make things work with his wife for the baby and i was heartbroken. I dint blame him, so i dedicated myself to the gym got myself a little part time to make extra cash to keep my mind off things. time passed and i met someone @ work 2 years older than me. we started like friends but over time we got to know each other, he started liking me and from the time he dedicated to me and the flowers i felt like new. i never had that with the married man it was like something new to me. it felt good to have someone just for you. over a couple of months me and the new guy became very close. so over 2 months ago the married man called elling me that he was getting divorced. he told me he was divorcing because things were not working out for him and his wife they screamed and argued @ each other and he said he was not happy. he apologized for hurting me and he said that he loved me but he was doing what he thought it was best at the time for both. he wanted me back and he was ready to be with me. i told him the truth and he was hurt but he said he understood but that he still wanted me back..iam confused..i feel that i love them both in diiferent ways. the married man is 35 good looking, succesful but iam scared .he says hes ready to be the man i deserve. and the younger guy is tall handsome, fun, sweet good at heart but i sometimes see that hes not ready for something seroius like what i want. iam confused i feel i love them both and i dont know where to go...i dont want to hurt them but i cant be with both @ the same time.
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female
reader, lou35  +, writes (17 November 2009):
 think of it like this,you could go back and get your heart broken again or you could stay with the bloke your already with.the married man as already broke your heart,ther is a possibilty he could do it again by saying he is giving it another go with his wife for the kids sake.i know what i would do....stay with bloke your already with and tell the married bloke to get lost,if he wanted you so badly he would have done that the first time round.if you tell him your not interested you will feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders..
good luck and i hope you make the rite decision
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): In a lot of situations like this I would be furious with women like you who are involved with married men, because I am the wife of a married man who had an affair...
But in this situation I can see you are so young and this jerk is taking you for a ride, if he didn't want his wife or couldn't live with her he would of left her along time ago...not make love and make a baby,,,marriage cant be that bad then..please do the right thing live your life give yourself a good clean break from this jerk and all of his baggage..
he is loving the fact that he has a younger girl, and if he is as good looking as you say, whos to know that you are the only other mistress he has
Drop him, look at the quality of man that he is with his kids
and another thing he is saying he is going to divorce the act is still on, he is not on his own he is still with his wife...
Forget him, I know it is hard, but you need to imagine your future always looking over your shoulder with this pathetic man..I hope you do the right thing
take care sweetie
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (2 November 2009):
 This married man has been using you from the gate. He took advantage of your lack of life experience (at 19) and strung you along for years. You are not the person you were then; you are a better person and deserve a better relationship. Despite what he says,the married man is no more ready for a serious relationship than your current boyfriend. He had one--with him wife--and you see how he that ended. Even if they do get divorced I can almost guarantee you that he will not be in a hurry to get tied down again.You moved on before. Keep moving on. Don't look back and don't get caught up in the fantasy of what life could look like with your ex.
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A
female
reader, hannahgolightly +, writes (31 October 2009):
 Hello,
first of all, well done for sorting your life out after the affair, that must have taken strength and effort.
I believe you are attracted to the married man, partly because of what he represents to you: the ability to have a grown up, committed relationship. I think that is what you are looking for. Unfortunately, you will not find that with the married guy. He is using you as a crutch and you deserve a stronger man than that, someone you can lean on if needs be.
Tell him not to contact you again until his divorce is finalised. This will test his commitment to you and will also prove that he really IS getting divorced and not just trying to win you back into another affair. It will also give you the time to have a good think about whether you really love him and whether he really loves you. He used you to try and be happy while keeping the status-quo of his marriage. He is leaving his wife because of their problems as a couple and not because of his feelings for you. I am giving you the harsh truth in the hope that you can wake up and see what's really going on.
You are probably tempted to get back with the married guy as he is suddenly offering the one thing that you truely wanted more than anything for such a long time. The only trouble is that you are not the person you were when you wanted those things. You have a great boyfriend now, give him a chance and after 3 years with him, you will probably feel just as attached as you now feel to Mr Married.
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A
female
reader, luvcat  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 to me it sounds like the married guy wants his bread buttered on both sides.it is'nt working out with his wife now he comes running back to you.you have absolutely no gaurantee that he wont go back to his wife again or that he'll even be faithful to you even if he does'nt go back to his wife.you'll always have trust issues with him because you know you were the other woman when he was married.your best bet is to give the new guy in your life a fair chance and please don't make the mistake of compairing him with married guy.make up your mind and do the right thing.good luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 October 2009):
I agree with those below. The married man has proved himself unworthy and untrustworthy of you. Don't bother with him, because he'll probably end up hurting you too. Move on and focus on the younger guy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): I think you did great to start all over when this married man left you. Well done. What happens if you go back with him now and 9 months later he has a change of heart and goes back to his wife - how would you feel. Could you pick yourself up again and start all over.
Judge him by his past actions not his words - if he could leave you then he could leave you again.
You deserve better whether you end up staying with the new guy or not. Let the married man get divorced and prove to you its over. If he means what he says hell do it whether you take him back or not.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): Drop married man! Men's moral's will either allow them to mess around on their women, or be in conflict and therefore they are faithful. You already know which type married man is. Don't believe for one minute that things would be different between the two of you, he will mess around on you! You also know that he cannot debate things in a relationship without causing it to be a huge fight and then he runs away, strike two!!! Strike three, he abandons his children....does this help you at all?
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