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female
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anonymous
writes: I know my partner has been looking at internet porn a lot. He has been since he first had a computer. To start with, I thought it was just a novelty for him. but now, even though we are living together, he seems to prefer porn to me. He knows I find it disgusting but he lies about it, telling me it must be caused by a virus. We have only had sex twice since he got the computer last year, even though our sex life had previously been good. I tried waiting for him to make the first move but it never happened. Now if I make a move on him, he's not interested anyway. He makes no time for me unless he has been turned on by porn, which he does make time for, but even then he just expects to get what he wants with out making any effort. He is fine with sexual foreplay but doesn't want to kiss me. I feel used and ugly. I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni checked the internet history and found that he'd been on more porn sites and even signed up to sex dating sites. but now we have seperate accounts on the computer and i do not know his password which means i can not see his internet history. i am sure he has done this to hide what he is doing because either he sees nothing wrong with it or he can't stop. i just want to understand why it started in the first place, why he has lost interest in me and how i can regain his affection
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi. thanx for the advice. i just would like to add that porn is NOT a natural thing especially when you are involved. i can understand people turning to it when their partner loses interest but i never have.
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A
female
reader, caffeinequeen +, writes (4 November 2005):
It's easy for men to become detached from real women when they have millions of 2 dimensional beauties seeming to want their sexual attention day in, day out.Porn is mostly about the male sexual gratification,and encourages men to have masturbatory sex,that is: to consider their partners not as persons, but objects.There are some movies made by women who focus on the woman's perspective.Maybe you could watch one of them with your boyfriend to educate him.I do not condemn pornography, but the way it is used to reinforce the idea that women are objects. It's an easy excuse for people to disconnect from real intimacy. If you have a great relationship, apart from the sex, then there is a way to work on that part of the relationship, but if your boyfriend is an absentee in other aspects of the relationship,watching porn is just the tip of the iceberg.If you have a great relationship and sex is not that important to you, maybe you can ask yourself if you can live with his porn habit.Otherwise, find someone who wants to make you the star of his wildest, most x-rated dreams!!! Good luck.
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male
reader, medicineman +, writes (3 November 2005):
I figured you had advice from a couple of ladies, you could use some advice from a guy. My g/f and I went through the same thing you are. Yes, porn can be addicting but it is natural just like having sex and making love. I totally agree with you sitting down with him and trying to watch some porn together. If that isnt your cup of tea try getting some lingere and light some candles in the bedroom and maybe try some new things to lure his attention away from the computer. When he comes home he will be in for a big surprise. Just remember you are not ugly!!!
Hope things work out great for you.
medicineman3006
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A
female
reader, babyjessieb +, writes (3 November 2005):
Once again I must refer to the way men think. I seriously doubt your ugly, and i don't believe he'd using you. I know you don't like the idea of porn, but try sitting down him one afternoon and watching one with him. Now if he persits to lie about looking at it, and making up excuses check the internet history. My Boyfriend and I had this problem, he had enough porn to last a life time!!! I tryed talkin to him about it, all he would do was lie and make up silly reasons for having it. After a while i gave up and then one day while i was playin around on the computer when i finally discovered it. The only thing he could say was I dunno i just like it. Watching it with him has really opened my eyes to things, it can be very erotic for both of you, which may lead to more private time without porn in the future. That honestly depends on the man.
If that doesn't help get yourself a "toy" and watch his mouth drop when you use it! Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2005): Dear, I have never met a situation where pornography, over the long term, improves any relationship. Your bf is addicted and needs help. Pornography teaches people who view it, to consider sexual release to be the one and only primary goal for lovemaking. Which is wrong because the primary reason for lovemaking is to bond the relationship by close emotional and physical intimacy; (orgasm is just the bonus) Obviously, due to his porn habit, you are not the center of his lovemaking, anymore. HE is now is the center of his lovemaking, with the help of whichever silicone goddess he chooses. Pathetic, isn't it. I would recommend sitting down and talking to him about what has been lost in this relationship for both of you. Perhaps it is time to remove pornography from your home, once and for all and learn how to focus on each other. If he can't give it up, then move forward and find a man who makes love you you...not himself.
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