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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. He always does a double take when he sees a blonde woman (I am dark haired). He tells me he doesn't know why he does it, but would never be unfaithful. I find it hard to trust him because of his ogling, though he never flirts with them. Am I being paranoid or is he unreasonable?
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female
reader, Jackie +, writes (3 November 2005):
Maybe it's time for you to take a turn and have that wandering eye of his, wander towards you! Spice it up, if he likes blondes why not freak him out by dying your hair, just to make him see that you can be spontanisis and at the same time secretly filling his fantacy! Never feel like well if I have to change my look for him to notice me than he doesn't love me! That's stupid thinking there, it's not to change you, it's to make him realize you care about fulfilling his desires and you want to do whatever it takes to make him happy, that makes men fall head over heals for their lady even more, when they have in their minds, she's doing this cause she wants me to smile and feel good and stare at her rather than others, than she must love me/ so go out and get a wig or dye the hair a little, be spontanisis and see where that heads, it never hurts to try new and exciting things! I wish you the best of luck!
A
female
reader, whatever +, writes (2 November 2005):
I really don't think you have much to worry about. There's nothing wrong with looking as long he's not touching! The thing is the blondes may get the once over by him but you get the whole thing- be confident, you should be after 2 years. I'm sure there's the odd time you look at certain guys too...you just don't get caught! You could dye your hair blonde if you really wanted just to surprise your boyfriend, but other than that you needn't be so paranoid.
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (2 November 2005):
 You're probably making too much of things.
If you trust all the other aspects of your relationship and if he's never given you any other reason to think he'd cheat on you, then why not give him the benefit of the doubt? Don't worry about it.
What it seems like to me is that you're projecting your insecurity onto whatever behaviour you can to make your boyfriend out to be "wrong". He's not wrong - although he is guilty of being blatant about it - and he's in the massive majority of men.
All straight guys look at women. They really do. Some are more subtle about it than doing a "double take", but the more you try to batter your boyfriend into submission and censor his thoughts, the more he's going to resent it and the more he's going to find reasons to glance around and see what's out there.
Save your stress levels for something that matters. Joke with him about it. Whisper: "Hey, you missed one. Check out the blonde hootchie in the boob tube!"
Realise that for most guys, looking at women is what looking at shoes is for us. Looking is not the same as trying out, right? It's not the same as bringing them home. It's just looking, and chances are, he's forgotten the last one as soon as she's out of his line of sight. It's really no biggie if he's otherwise trustworthy.
You're not paranoid... not quite. But you'll drive yourself nuts if you try to control what goes on in your boyfriend's mind! (Not to mention how he'll resent you for it.) Don't sweat the small stuff. Let him look and remember that he's going home with YOU, not the blonde.
Take care.
(P.S. If you really want to blow his mind, consider lightening your hair a few shades. Call it "levelling the playing field" and surprise him one night.)
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