A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am suprised to read so much lately about internet date sites being used to cheat on partners. I am interested to know what goes through the mind of the one using the site and the opinions of those who have caught their partner doing it. Does anyone here have any experience of it? Are the cheats acting out of opportunity,or is it the same old cheats who use it believing its less likely they will get caught that way? I have ended a three year relationship after finding my ex doing it for the second time in as many years. Could it even be addictive to some?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): They are just the same people who would cheat on you anyway. Maybe they aint attractive enough to get someone they can cheat on you with, so they have to use the web. Whatever it is,they are misfits.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): I am very comforted to read through the replies to your question. I too went through it until leaving 2 months ago. It was always denied or turned around that it was actually me that was on dating sites. At one point I was questioning my own sanity,she was so convincing. I found out through a friend who saw her photo as he was doing this internet dating himself. She actually had the gaul to say someone was setting her up because they must be jealous of her happiness. Clues and traces of her activity where constantly showing up,until I decided to stay off work and not tell her. I came in and there she was,on the computer talking sex,she was getting ready to set up this webcam. Her reaction was aggression,instantly blaming me for neglecting her needs which was the opposite of what she would normally say which was "why would I risk losing you just to go on internet dating?" She then got violent and accused me of having affairs. It had been going on well over 3 years,and now I have left,it didnt occur to me just how she had ruined my confidence and made me a different person. I was constantly embarrassed about it and couldnt tell anyone. I sympathise with anyone who has a partner like this. Right now I feel lifted and I wont ever be going back like she wants me to. Yes,its addiction,but I believe there is also a form of mental illness connected to it. She is 38,not a mixed up teenager.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): I dont think its harder to catch internet cheats. Theres too much about it these days. I would kick my fella out of my life if i only caught him once. I resent that shit from that female about questioning why they went there,somethings missing blah blah blah. It would be interesting to se her opinion if it happened to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): if one is prepared to hurt their partner or risk losing them forever to go to internet date sites,then that person is maybe addicted or thinks they are being clever and in control. i dont think any self respecting person will be with them for too long. i hope you get a better woman next time. you dont need those internet date wierdos rocking your boat.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): Some girls have a constant need for admiration. One person alone cannot feed their need. They are fed bullshit by the internet prowlers and then become glued to the dating sites. Of course the prowler knows what they want to hear. In a sense the date site addict is mentaly ill. They then justify their sad behaviour by saying their partner wasnt making them feel good about themself. It isnt in their thoughts that their partner is also a person. Dont even think about going back to her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): THE NARCISSIST. Their needs are paramount. No remorse for misdeeds. Insensitive to needs and feelings of others. Twists conversation to his/her gain at other’s expense. If trapped when talking,changes the subject or gets angry.
Tremendous need to control situations,conversations,others. Conversation controller. Must have the first and last word. Secret life. Convinced he/she knows more than others. Lacks ability to see how he/she comes across to others,often believing other people are jealous. ( This is the typical behavior of a serial cheat. I have lived through it. )
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A
female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (10 November 2011):
If somebody goes online dating with your knowledge and you don`t mind,then that is not cheating. They wont tell you they do it because they know its a deal breaker. Not knowing what they have done wrong is probably an act. They do it and know what the consequences are if found out. Of course,there are the ones who allow them to trample all over their feelings,so they know they can easily worm out of it and still continue. There is a good point made here by one reply - "One sure thing is that if you let someone abuse you in this kind of way, then you need to ask yourself why you allow it. You can always leave and find someone more respectful". Those words sum it all up. I would choose your next partner wisely.
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A
male
reader, asap09marc +, writes (10 November 2011):
 You are listening to an on line dating expert now. We are not all there to cheat. Some just keep their partner until they find better then dump them. Yes,there`s harmless sex banter and exchanging rude pics goes on,but nothing physical,so its not cheating (unless you`re on the receiving end). There`s the odd ones who have difficulty forming relationships in the real world and become attached and even jealous,should their cyber mate stray to another site,not be on line as arranged or just cut the conversation dead. Have a go on one yourself to find out,but your partner may not like you doing it and adopt a different opinion when its you. Why are people always having a go at us?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): You are not a person to a narcissist and therefore you will never receive empathy from them. Your pain is invisible or, if pointed out, is of no importance. Relating to, support of, caring what you experience, and understanding just what they are putting you through, is not available in a relationship with a narcissist. You walk alone.
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A
male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (10 November 2011):
 It makes my blood boil when someone inflicts hurt and then blames who they hurt. To that anonymous female who also thinks people have a right to cheat,I personally hope you one day choke on your words. Make no mistake,if something is missing in your relationship sort it out,if you can`t then end the relationship. Going to the internet for dates,flirting,sex talk or whatever is cheating,no excuses. I think we know what side of the fence she is sat on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): It may depend on the individual involved. One sure thing is that if you let someone abuse you in this kind of way, then you need to ask yourself why you allow it. You can always leave and find someone more respectful.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): If something was missing from your relationship that you didnt notice,then there is choice. Sort it out or end it. I can only believe the anonymous female is another displaying a lack of guilt. There are no excuses for cheating. Internet cheats are not worth wasting your life on. To blame their victims when caught is their own denial and downfall. I gather they wouldnt like the same treatment themself. I dumped my gf after the 2nd time i caught her and her answer was similar to that garbage anon female wrote. She also called me paranoid.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): I take it the one answer about asking yourself why they did it,is a honour amongst internet cheats answer. There is no reason to cheat. If things are bad they should end it,not cheat. That is the oldest excuse in the book. It adds insult to injury. I hope karma bites back.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): I have experience of having a partner who couldnt stop going on them. You will see it in front of your face and they will lie. If they dont lie,then they will try and make out you are mentally abusing them when you confront or find it again. Blame you for not talking to them (is it any wonder?),become aggressive or spend their life trying to put something on you. No matter what happens,the fact that they are doing it never somehow manages to be discussed. It will always be your fault for driving them there. If you are asking for any reason,I would advise you to forget trying to work it out and just leave them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2011): Serial cheater behaviour has been highly linked to Narcisstic Personalities as well as with addictive personalities. In fact Psychologist have termed such individuals to be addicts and therefore; without proper counselling to overcome their addictions, there isn't much hope for serial cheaters to live honestly and monogamously.Serial cheaters KNOW WHO to target. They seek after the lonely, sufferers of low self esteem, and those desparate for a relationship regardless of it being a healthy one or not.Usually such targets are aware they are being lied to and mislead but because of their vunerability and fear of being alone and unloved- the targets will begin to make excuses for their tormentors.Its such an abusive dynamic. One the abuser, the other the enabler.Internet just provides discreetness and therefore makes it an easier tool to find the proper target. Healthier Adults that have a greater sense of self love and KNOW and BELIEVE they DESERVE Respect and Honesty do not tolerate an iota of a serial cheaters bull crap and are less likely to be selected the next target/victim.Serial Cheaters don't change WITHOUT Counselling and a strict program regime that as with addicts; requires a life time dedication to changing their behaviours.Hope this helped.
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (9 November 2011):
Hi. I have now ended TWO relationships over Internet affairs. I think in both cases they thought it's not really cheating. But to me it's almost worse than a one night mistake. The is a consistent , emotional connection that my boyfriend SHOULD have been having with me. Both acted like it was no big deal and thati was in the wrong for somehow violating their privacy by finding out about it. It's all very disappointing.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): Maybe you need to ask yourself as to why your partner went to these sites obviously something missing in your relationship something you failed to notice or failed to give
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): My boyfriend cheated on me this way with a filipino girl. They were using skype. Thru skype you can do calls, texts, video so. That's what he was doing. I found out about 3 months ago. I kept it quiet because I really love him but he would put me aside to go the laptop. He was in his laptop morning, and night until like 3am with her,since our day in the US is their nite. So, yes, I'm pretty sure its addictive. When you are used to opening your computer and see that person online is a good thing but once that ends you feel really bad not seeing that person online. I had AIM to communicate with my previous boyfriend. That's how I know its addictive but you can get rid of it.
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