A
female
age
36-40,
*ula
writes:Hi folks, I had a similar question asked and answered here before but now I've got another querry on the same matter. A friend of mine wanted to set me up with a friend of her. At first, he wasn't up for it. When he saw me, he changed his mind. She asked me again, and I agreed to give him a chance. The thing is I haven't heard from her for about three weeks, and when I ran into her she said she's got some great news for me. I didn't ask her what the good news were not that I didn't want to hear them, we were in a lecture and it's rude to talk since we were there to listen. After the lecutre, I had to leave without saying goodbye. I met her again today, she was weird and not very chatty and when we talked about things, we discussed general things, weather, yoga class etc...My question is: Is she avoiding bringing up the subject with me?Should I talk to her and be frank and show more interest in the quest of more info about this chap, where and when to meet?I am known by all my friends that I'm cold and couldn't care less for a chap as I believe they have to make the first move. I'm very proud like that and still think she has to CLEARLY what she and him have on mind, or haven't should they have changed their mind (s).Just to let you know more, I was away for the summer, and have only met her twice since. All other correspondence "contact" was via email, messages, text you name it but NEVER in person.I feel humiliated to ask about him, I doubt he's not interested and she's got no clue how to tell me ...but I don't feel good around her any more. Ideas very much welcome. Many thanks x
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (30 September 2013):
Hello. You're very welcome.
And peace to you also.
Let me know if you need any more help, I am always happy to help you in whatever way I can.
So please DO NOT hestitate.
Take care.
A
female
reader, Tula +, writes (29 September 2013):
Tula is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan't thank you enough Dorothy Dix!Much peace x
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (29 September 2013):
Hi there. I think that is wise, keeping your distance from her, as she is a type of person who it seems now, you may not be able to trust.
And you don't want to be friends with someone like that.
I don't believe she is a nasty person, but more that you don't trust her in situations like this.
DON'T let her try and match you up with anyone, anymore.
If you decide to stay friends with her, just don't ever talk about relationships.
Avoid it like the plague.
And just politely change the subject.
Just DON'T go there at all.
I also agree that blocking her on Facebook is a good idea, to avoid any problems in future.
And as well as this, from now on if any contact between you (via text messaging), is to happen, let it be her to initiate it - NOT you.
This way you have control over the situation.
And then find some new friends.
Also, DON'T sit next to her in lectures anymore.
Sit right away from her on the other side of the room.
And after and before class - if you see her - walk the other way, to avoid even having to say hello.
Whatever it takes.
Then you avoid any awkward moments.
Yes, if he wants to ask you out, he will find a way to do it so she can't interfere, and so she can't even find out.
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A
female
reader, Tula +, writes (28 September 2013):
Tula is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate: I just blocked her from my FBIn general she doesn't reply to my messages or does any comments or likes. She only replies to my phone text messages when they include an outing, an invitation for tea at my place, or dinner for that matter.I couldn't help but VOMIT her memory and everything that has to do with her from my life as well as timeline.It's probably cowardly and or silly of me, but it's me always have been a passive aggressive...And besides she's probably jeapordized the way I look for others at the lectures where we both attend, making me a desperada looking for a spouse!Any more advice? As I wasn't up for it yesterday, confronting her and all...and ignoring her to me means blocking her from my FB!THANKS X
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A
female
reader, Tula +, writes (27 September 2013):
Tula is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDorothy Dix, you're godsend! I like the way you think and thanks for the time you took to analyse the situation.
It was her who told me all that and very early on.
I agree with you, I shall avoid her and make my life easy and forget about her existence. In fact, I was in a meeting today which she happened to be at, and had totally ignored her and didn't even stop to say hello. I doubt she saw me amid the crowds, but still I did not make an effort to approach her or be within 10 meter radius from her. I just can't take it anymore... And you're right, if he's man enough to claim me, ask me out then let him make the efffort and I do hope it won't be through her.
In the meantime I shall enjoy my life. Cheers!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 September 2013):
Hi. Even though you say he has made it clear he is NOT interested in her, how do we know this is true?
Did she say that, or did you hear it from someone else - other than her, I mean?
If he has introduced her to two other guys, and then later to another man online, it seems like a hint to her that he isn't interested, don't you think?
Do you know this is true?
Perhaps she can't see this.
Or maybe she has become interested in him - since all that happened.
I get how you must be feeling with all this sheepish behaviour of hers, and not wanting to talk much to you.
That smells of her feeling a bit guilty, knowing that she was trying to fix him up with you, and now this.
I would be suspicious of her, as well.
Perhaps avoid her and don't sit next to her in lectures, so as to not make it any more awkward for you or her.
There seems to be a lot of conflicting opinions here, and so it is hard to know what really is the truth.
And what I mean by conflict, is that what you heard about "NO, he wasn't interested in her" - did SHE tell you that?
Meaning, did HE say it to her, or did she only hear that from one of his friends?
Or if not, WHO did tell her?
I'm trying to work out how you heard this, that's all.
She might have said that to you, to put you off the scent of the what was really happening, while she tried to win him for herself.
Who really knows?
Other than that, in the end, it is probably going to have to come down to him approaching you, if he is interested enough.
I guess only time will tell.
Don't lose any sleep over it though.
If he is meant to go out with you, well then eventually it will happen - no matter how hard she tries to stop it.
It will be something completely out of her control.
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A
female
reader, Tula +, writes (27 September 2013):
Tula is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Dorothy Dix, I would've assumed the same because whenever she spoke about him, she has a wicked smile on her face and a glint in her eye. I think she likes him, but she told me he's made it clear to her that he's NOT interested in her. He's even introduced her to two chaps, one of which became her fiance, then they broke the engagement off and this guy in question introduced her but "online" to another friend of his in the States.
Her laying low about it all is fishy though... to the extent I am no longer interested in him but all I want to know what she was up to being the lousy matchmaker she is!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 September 2013):
Hi there. At first this friend of yours, wanted to match make you with this male friend of hers.
Did I get that right?
And so you haven't actually been out on a date as yet, have you?
But, he has seen what you look like, at least once.
Are you sure that your friend isn't also interested in this man?
Because, it may be that you and your friend, are both competing for the same man.
It is a possibility, isn't it?
And it would certainly answer a few questions, I would think.
At first she might not have had much of an interest in him herself, but perhaps after trying to match him up with you, she then became interested in him.
And so she might be laying low about it now, and this is why she doesn't seem to want to talk much about it with you.
Her feelings towards him might have changed - more towards romance - and perhaps she is actually going out with him herself.
It is something that I would certainly be making an assumption about, if I were in your position.
And of course, there is nothing quite like the direct approach.
Why not the very next time you see her - when you have to go to lectures together - either on your way there, or once the lecture is over, just ask her straight out - "Are you dating him?"
And then she can only say yes or no.
And if there is any hesitation, well then that can probably be interpreted as a "Yes".
Either way, you will have an answer.
And you go from there.
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