A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear CupidI am basically Indian, working in US. Had an affair with a guy, I was in love with him, obviously he just used me for sex and money. Now I am pregnant, he didn't use condom, since Indian guys hate condom. They never use one, I took morning after pill, it didn't work. Long story short, when I told him I'm pregnant, he doesn't want anything to do with it. Want me to take care of it and broke up with me as well. I don't want to kill my child, I can support my child , but Indian society is harsh on babies born out of wedlock.What should I do, please help me. I haven't told anyone about my pregnancy yet.
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affair, broke up, condom, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): Do what is right for you. And your life. You have to have enough to survive on financially. Without an income in the USA you will be very vulnerable.Sounds like the father is not willing to help at all either If you try to travel back to India pregnant that is even more problematic as you well know. Gossip will get back to besmirch your repuation in India in your community. Your family will be disappointed as in your culture it affects them too.
Better that you deal with this in the USA. Over a million women successfully go through an abortion annually in the USA and abortion in particular states in the USA may be more approptiate for your situation and the health care should be good. Plus no one but your immediate family will know back in India if your own family say nothing.
Your own family is not going to help you.
And you may face more censure from your relatives in India if you go through the pregnancy to full term.
I agree that you are in a situation that is very difficult for you and it is your decision.
Whatever you decide and once to weigh up all the things you need to consider then you will know the best decision for you and your culture and your family.
A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Have you considered giving it up for adoption INSTEAD OF ABORTIN if you can not go back with your baby or stay in the u.s. to take care of it?
just a thought.........................
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses and support. I talked to my family and nobody is willing to support me as it brings shame to the family. They want me to abort my baby. I don't want to but looks like all the doors are closed right now
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 August 2012):
 Look dont take this the wrong way but you dont seem to be in your right mind and certainly not in a position to bring up a baby!! How and why do you intend HIDING the pregnancy while in India? Is that what your plan was all along...that you somehow hide it??! What when the baby is born?
Look, if you decide to keep the baby then you have to have faith in your belief and you have to be ready to do what you want with the support of your family or without.
Either you are seriously messed up and dont understand the gravity of the situation or this is a troll.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 August 2012):
 I suggest you contact the following group and seek advice and support to stay in USA at least for a while.
Please do this urgently as time is important.
https://nilc.org/overview-immeligfedprograms.html
My good wishes to you
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (26 August 2012):
hi
Ah, but at a certain point you will not be able to fly on a plane (advanced pregnant state).
So the longer you can stay in USA the better. Once you reach the cut off point the Airlines will not accept you on a flight. So you may get to stay in USA for the birth.
Maybe seek out some advice people who know the loopholes to keep you in USA until baby has been born?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your replies. My visa expires very soon, hence while going back to India I might be 5-6 months pregnant which will be very difficult to hide it from my relatives. I am very much confused right now. I wanted to keep the baby looks like I might not have an option for doing so
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (25 August 2012):
in the USA they have counselling for all kinds of things, even pregnancy counselling. some charities or even Planned Parenthood offer it. they should be helpful and they will not judge you, they see people in the same situation all of the time and they might be able to help you get child support or help you fill out paperwork to legally permanently stay in the USA, if it is your wish. they can put you in touch with helpful organisations, you should look them up at least and find out where you can get pregnancy counselling, it is normally free. good luck. you might not want to, but giving the child up for adoption is always an option although it is hard. good luck, I wish you the best
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (25 August 2012):
Where do you live now? India or America? Will your family stand by you through this? When do you plan on telling them about this?
Look OP, you have to think this through. The man has left you in a horrible spot but there is nothing you can do about it now. Focus on the bigger picture. Even if you decide to stay on in America, you will need the support of your family because you need someone with you in the entire thing that is going on. You cant possibly be alone in all this in a foreign country.
First things first, talk to your family about this. Also, remember you can always drag the asshole to court and make him pay child support. And if you're strong enough and you have conviction in your decision to have the baby, then don't let anyone deter you. Just make sure you are financially and emotionally capable of bringing up a child. Even if you decide to relocate to India, don't bother about what "people" say because no matter what you do, you cant ever please everyone nor should you even try to.
Its your decision, its not an easy one but be strong and you will get through it.
All the best.
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A
male
reader, sunilal  +, writes (25 August 2012):
yes Indian society may not accept a natural child. One way is to stay in US itself. or get married to a person who can accept the way you are and let him accept the kid in front of societyHope you will get a very nice partner. All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): I would still make him pay child support because you didn't make this baby by yourself. He made a baby and getting off free.
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A
female
reader, Plexi +, writes (25 August 2012):
I say keep the child of course, stay in the US as society there will not look down on you but might be able to help you.Tell him that you do not want him in your child's life but would appreciate it if he could at least pay you back all the money he has taken from you so far. YOU don't need him and you certainly don't want this kind of man as a role model for your son if you have a boy. You can do it hun,many single women have raised children on their own before! Work hard to make up for your mistake and give your child the best future and education you can! As for as what to tell people back home or your Indian community in the U.S., tell them you ...................(ModNote: some words removed here as to say what was suggested could land you in more trouble by making a false accusation against a person) and that you want to keep the child because it is not his/her fault!Hope it all works out hun...................HUGS
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 August 2012):
Are you still in USA as your flag indicates? or have you returned to India to await the birth? Can you stay in USA and have the birth registered in USA?
If you are still in USA you should find that society will not even blink an eyelash over your child born out of wedlock.
If you have returned to India then why do you have to explain yourself to anyone?
If you need to leave USA then why return to live in India permanently?
If people in India are going to treat you and your child less than respectfully then can you start examing where you may be able to emigrate to, legally?
There are many places in the world where children born out of wedlock are not subjected to harsh judgemental attitudes.
Illegitimacy is never the child's fault.
Treating a child born out of wedlock and therefore illegitimate LESS favourably than a child born to a married couple is ABUSIVE towards the said CHILD.
Certainly in years to come do have the generosity to tell your child later the name and details of their father (they have a right to know). Even if he wants no part in the child's life the child may in later years, want to know a little about their father. And I am talking positive things. No person is all bad. So there is no point in painting the father as all bad to the child. It is not the child's fault that the child's parents are about to become parents. Try to tell the child some good things about the child's father. It will help the child. A child wants to hope their father has some good qualities.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): If you want your baby ,then stay strong and stand by your decision. Yes indian society can be very opinionated and against it but not everyone will think like that. There is support out there for you and new friends waiting if your willing to make them. As for the father, well he has a rsponsibility and should step up and be a man, sadly he probably wont. I dont know how it is in America but in Britain men cant just go around helping to make babies and then running off to leave woman and baby fend for themselves. He will probably find he will have some financial obligation. Dont let him get away with it. Finally dont go through this alone, tell someone you rtust but most of all make sure that any decisions you make are your own, it is your body and your baby. Best of luck xxx
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