A
female
age
41-50,
*alahiel
writes:I feel like my life is over. After 4 years of love everything is over. He says that the door to his heart is closed and he has no more love for me. I am devastated. I really thought he was the one... My soulmate. I wanted to marry and have kids with him. I feel i ruined everything. Its been 3 days and i cant eat cant sleep and cry all the time. My heart feels like it will rip in two. I have to go pick up my stuff at his place and its terrorizing me. I know its over and i cant do anything tochange how he feels. I cant go to work cuz everyone knows everykne where i live and it keeps reminding of him. What hurts even more is that hes the sweetest guy ever and had the biggest heart... He didnt want hurt me and now i miss him so much. What do i do to get through this breakup?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): My son's girlfriend dumped him for a much younger guy and she was very very cold about it, it's not so much of what she did but how she did it, to make a long story short, the way my son got over her... the first thing he did was to delete her number from his phone, then him and I would talk about her day in and day out and finally about a month he started to feel better so it's been over two years and we don't even talk about her anymore and my son is better of without her because she's using her new boyfriend to get the things she want because she does not love him, he's going to get hurt very bad just like my son.So hang in there and find someone that will listen to you, if you talk to someone you feel comfortable with this will help you a great deal, I understand how you feel because it makes you wonder how can he just walk away just like that and don't look back. I went thru a very bad breakup myself so you're not the only that's going thru tough times but be strong, things will get better and it will be for the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): My advice and from my freinds is to try and keep busy,,and know that time will heal,and also ride the waves of pain,as they too will pass. Let us know how you get on. X
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (25 August 2012):
 And I forgot to say but do not have any contact with him! I learned this the hard way after continuing to try and text my ex and still be "friends" because I thought it would be easier on me. It isn't. Every time you speak to him it will feel like you are being stabbed in the gut. He won't change his mind and you will keep hoping with each phone call or text that he will. No contact is necessary to move on.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (25 August 2012):
Break ups are awful and never easy, I am very sorry you are having to go through this. Was he your first love? That is always the hardest. I have felt the same way you describe here. I even have the posts on this site from years ago to prove it. I felt like life could not possibly move on and I will never again be happy or okay. I cried constantly and would have break downs. As time went on it did get much easier to deal with but the first few weeks are hell.
The first thing you need to do is get your things from his house. You need to get it over with and it will help you move on. Seeing him later will only hinder the progress you have made. Getting your things puts you on the path to closure and moving on. Also get rid of anything or hide anything that reminds you of him that will trigger an upset. Photos of the 2 of you, notes or cards from him, anything about or from him, throw them out or lock them up far out of view. One day you can look over these with no real emotion but maybe a faint fondness, but not right now.
You say you can't go to work, did you quit your job? Not working will keep you home more and give you more time to think about everything happening, that's the last thing you need. What you need to do is to keep yourself busy. If you are never going back to that job then put effort into finding a new job you would love. That will keep your mind off of things. Starting a brand new job with new people that have nothing to do with your ex would also help, nothing to bring up thoughts about him as well as doing something brand new on your own.
Find a new hobby or a new tv show to get into. I remember I found some new shows to watch and a new video game. It kept my mind off of my ex and helped me immensely. I also stayed with family a lot and talked to my mom. Being around other people to talk to and keep your spirits up while keeping your mind off of your ex is great. The key goal here is to keep your mind off of him as much as possible. The nights before bed were the hardest for me. But again it gets better with time.
I also kept a journal of sorts on my computer. Every time my thoughts and feelings were too overwhelming I would write everything, my exact thoughts, and cry my heart out. It always felt better afterwards as I cleansed myself.
Repeat to yourself as much as possible that this too shall pass, time heals all, and everything happens for a reason. As cliche as they may sound it is all very true. You will get past this. With each day passing it gets a little easier. And though you don't know the reason right now it did happen for a purpose. One day you will be completely fine and it will just be a memory. When I think of my break ups now it isn't sad really, just another thing that happened in my life. And with every break up it does get easier, you learn to deal with the pain.
Oh and please try to eat. I know sadness makes you lose an appetite but sometimes food can make you feel better. I would make myself my favorite meals and it cheered me up. If you ever want to talk and feel lonely you can always email me here and I will listen. I know how hard it is and having someone who cares and is there for you makes it easier. Just remember you will get past this and life will go on. I had a happy ending and you will too.
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